This is too hard. I don't want to do it anymore. I want life to go back to what it was like back in the good ole days. I had quite a few break downs today. I am getting tired of having to tell people that E doesn't live here any more. And the sad thing is, it has only just begun! Only a hand full of people who live here even know. Bother.
Today when E came by to see the kids I just broke into tears and said, "I don't think I can talk to you today," as I ran upstairs to the bathroom. S came in and wanted to know why I was crying. R came in and asked if I was sad because Papa didn't live with us anymore. It is uncanny how in touch with things she is!
I am just feeling beat down. This is too hard.
Now I must go off to watch Covert Affairs and pretend like I could have been a great CIA agent if I had only thought of that career path sooner. :)
2 comments:
I love you. I hope you get some sleep.
I love you too and am thinking of you. I asked Justin about being a little boy during those hard times and how he dealt with it. He said he had to go to therapy and often wondered if things were his fault. He would get stomachaches and had anxiety. He said the main thing is that he knew his parents were there for him. His dad would hold his hand at night until he fell asleep or if he had nightmares. Even just a few years ago Justin had a terrible nightmare and yelled out, "Dad!". It's kind of funny but also shows how much he relied on his dad. He was very angry at his mom for years but now they have a really good relationship. So maybe hold Brig's hand at night if he'll let you or tell him the story of when he was born and what a gorgeous baby he was. Those were my favorite stories when I was little ;). I'm sending out my virtual hand for you to hold and I KNOW you were a super gorgeous baby loved by everyone as you are today too. At the risk of sounding redundant: estoy pensando en ti y te quiero mucho!
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