Thank You

A shout out to all those who have been so great to me. People are being very kind. I find it funny that everyone wants to help. Not that I wouldn't want their help, just that the greatest help of all would be to fix everything, and they can't do that. So, my mind always goes blank when I try and think of something else they can do for me.

Hey, I should just start asking for random things... like maybe I need someone to fold my laundry everyday. That would be dreamy. :) Or maybe someone could power wash my house. Funny, to me at least.

I couldn't sleep last night. I woke up around 1 a.m. and slept fitfully after that, awake most of the time. I try so hard to turn my brain off and just breathe... but my darn brain keeps getting in the way. During the night I felt myself getting sick. Burning in the lungs with each breath and shallow breathing. It also felt like the mucus was building up right then as well. I could hear L hacking up a lung downstairs and R woke up in the night with cough and a stuffy nose.

So when I tried to wake up B this morning for school and he said he didn't feel good (which he says pretty much every day) I just went with it. I told him to go back to bed and I let the girls sleep in. No school today, they just laid around and watched TV all day. I got in quite a nap today as well, it was amazing how much better I felt afterward. I was able to get a lot of work done in the late afternoon.

So E came by today and couldn't open the garage. He asked if I had changed the code and I said yes. "That's why I couldn't get it open," he says without anger or maybe even the understanding that I did it to make him knock. I guess my life is just surreal, I am walking around in a daze all the time.

Dad called again today. The last time he called he was so nice. I was sobbing so hard I couldn't even say words... just grunt. He asked if I could talk better today and made a joke about knowing how I felt when I couldn't get the words out. When I thanked him for his previous call and told him how much it meant to me to hear that he was behind me all the way he said, "Well, it was just the right thing to do so I did it." I still remember him saying, "I just knew something was wrong, I knew it, I just knew it!" And today when I told him that I was just surviving from day to day he said that's how he lived too. Poor guy.

Yesterday I fasted for E, for him to wake up and recognize what he is doing. It made me a little uncomfortable. I guess I am afraid to get my hopes up. But that is what fasting is for, right? I could really use an instruction manual.

The familia Lucas brought us dinner tonight. Originally they had invited us to go and eat at their house, but I thought I should probably stop dragging my sick kids around infecting the world. They are so kind.

Yesterday we (RS) had an activity set up to go out to the Veteran's Nursing Home. I took all the kids and the minute I heard L cough I realized that we were going to cause the death of at least one person there by introducing some new strain of something. Bother. Another thing to feel guilty about. I also couldn't sleep last night because I had held a baby last night at a BBQ and I thought how horrible it would be if I had infected her. Bother.

Hey, I also dreamed about B's principal catching me in a lie. I was so tired in my dream that my stories weren't matching up and she started questioning me as if I were in a court of law. Rude. I so don't like to lie.

Well, tomorrow is the day I start teaching. Wish me luck, health and a pleasant voice.

Goodnight!