I am hoping that writing this will help me clear my mind a little. Feel free to throw out advice if you have any.

• We had four kids in three years. That is a lot of crying, so many demands for attention, constant work/effort. There is no time for yourself when you have so many babies to take care of. We have been "fighting" about the exact same things for the last four years. He doesn't want me to "order" him around, which I call asking him to help out around the house. Our intimacy hasn't been that great but I think it is because I am always so exhausted and he thinks it is because I was made wrong.
• I really noticed him feeling "angry" with the church when he started counting tithing as part of his calling. We were really struggling financially because I wasn't working and he was only making about $15 an hour. Somehow we still paid our bills, kept our house and food on the table.... and our credit card debt kept increasing. He could see us paying our tithing and knew who didn't. He also had to make out the checks from the church to help members pay their bills etc. We argued often because he thought we should just have the church pay our bills since they were paying everybody else's.
  
• During that time he also started into other problems...
• Then I was Relief Society President before the twins were even in nursery. Hard times. After leaving the Spanish Branch they put him counting tithing in the English ward and they put me back in the Relief Society presidency. Now he saw people paying thousands of dollars in tithing, and that annoyed him too.
• All these years I have had to force the issue of family prayer, Family Home Evening and scripture study. If I didn't ask him to pray with me each night, he never would have prayed. He stopped reading scriptures ages ago. It is my opinion that reading, praying etc. helped me get through each day and see the good in our kids, in him and in our situation. He has changed so much since we got married.
• I really wish we would have spent more time going on dates. At first it was just way too expensive to get a baby sitter. Later we rarely had a free weekend and it was hard to find someone who could take care of our kids. I also felt so guilty leaving the kids with someone else for very long because it was a lot of work and I felt like it was my responsibility to care for them.
• Last year I started working and I often worked 10 hours a day. I begged for more and more help around the house. I had to work every Saturday and Sunday. Work, work, work. That was not good for the family.