Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Tears at School

Tonight was back to school night... and open house and I had such a tender experience.  I was in my room with one set of parents just talking about the class and chatting about the school.  I glanced out into the hall and noticed a woman waiting.  She looked a little grim, not gonna' lie.  I motioned to her and let her know that she was more than welcome to come inside.  However, she chose to remain in the hall.  

After the other parents left she came in and told me the name of her child.  I mentioned that I had missed him today, as he had been absent.  She said that they had some family problems and he couldn't get to school until the afternoon.  I told her I was sorry to hear that and that I hoped everything turned out okay.  That is when she haltingly told me that her cousin had passed away.  I told her how sorry I was and we agreed that our community had seen too much death lately.

We continued discussing her son, she told me a few warning signs to watch for, that he liked to day dream.  Then after an awkward pause she mentioned that she had another son at our school, the name she mentioned was one of my former students who has brain cancer.  I had secretly been hoping that his cancer was gone because he looks like he is doing so well.  I shared with her that I had heard they had recently had an appointment at Primary Children's Hospital.  That is when she told me that his tumor has spread to other parts of his brain.  The drugs that he had been taking were to slow down the growth of the tumor, but it was back.  They now had to do radiation.  

The Navajo are not big criers, so it is always alarming for them to be around me, I cry a lot.  A few tears leaked out as she told me about her son and I told her, "I will cry for you."  We talked a while longer about her children.  A few more tears leaked out.  As she left we did the traditional hand shake and the "nice to meet you."  Then out of the blue she gave me a big hug and said, "Thank you," and she walked away.

Oh, how I love people.  We are all carrying around burdens.  I hope that we can have compassion and let others share their burdens with us a to carry a little.  So many have listened to me and have helped me lighten my load.  If you ever need me to, I will cry for you. 

Sunday, November 03, 2013

Move to Blanding? Are you sure?

We have moved to Blanding.  It has been the craziest thing ever.  I knew the Lord wanted me to put in the application so I thought to myself I would just do that much and try not to think about the next step.  I did the same with the interview, I said the interview went so well that I almost talked myself into thinking I wanted to go there!  When they offered me the job I locked myself in the bathroom and cried like a baby.  Anywho, the Lord has really blessed us in finding a place to live here (it is so hard to find rentals in Blanding, Steve Lovell helped me find a place that belongs to the district and is only $500 a month that they take right out of my check).  We live right next to the elementary school so the girls can just walk right next door even after I am gone.  B has to ride his bike to school but he is proud of how physically fit he is. :)
This week another blessing, we got an offer on our house in Ogden, so hoping it will sell within the next three weeks.  School is hard but I know I am supposed to be here, so I try to just hang in there.
Saturday Elias came down to see the kids so I had a free moment and decided to go to the temple in Monticello.  When I got there I saw a lady that teaches with me in Montezuma Creek.  Her son was going through in preparation for his mission and another girl from the branch in Montezuma Creek was going through for her mission.  They are both going to a mission in Mexico in the next few months.  It was a perfect session to stumble into.  The Monticello temple is so tiny and “cute.” ;)  There were only a few in the session, about 30-ish.  Well, I knew that my dad’s business partner, Pete Black, was the Branch President in Montezuma Creek.  Coming to Blanding has made me face many dragons that I had tucked far, far away.  In the back of my mind I kind of always blamed Pete for my dad’s stroke.  When I first moved here and my Bishop told me Pete was the Branch President tears came to my eyes, I was like, “whoa” I guess there are some unresolved issues there.  So, sitting in the temple I was nervous to see who would walk in.  Sure enough, in walked Pete Black.  I chuckled in my heart at how Heavenly Father does things, because who can be mad in the temple?  Sam Pugh also walked in who was a guy who worked at (and still works at) Recapture Metals forever.  It just took me back to the times when all partners and employees at Recapture got along and worked hard together to make it work.  I decided it was better to remember the good times rather than anything else.
In the Celestial room I was able to talk to Pete and his wife and I am grateful that I was able to get those weird blaming feelings out of the way.  It helped me remember that we are all just people trying to live the gospel the best we can.  Things happen along the way, but if Heavenly Father can forgive everyone (especially me) than I need to be able to forgive people.  
Living here has been weird, tackling one tucked away dragon at a time.  But it is good to grow, eh?  We are never too old to keep learning.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

You know, so much of my blog I consider documentation.  Sad, I remember when I used to blog to stay in touch with my family.  But, that was before facebook. ;)

So, tonight was S's program at the school.  She is such a cutie, she sang and danced with a smile on her face.  E showed up late with Lora (who doesn't have a facebook, as far as I can see... weird.... because then she could see all of the skanky girls that E is friends with), they were late and missed S's performance.  Wednesday night is his night to take the kids so we had a lot of prep to do before we left the house.  Homework done for tomorrow and for the week since we are going to Orderville on Friday.  Teacher gifts done, the girls made scarves for their teachers... I had to help finish them and get them wrapped and into backpacks.  Make sure they have school shoes on for tomorrow etc. etc. etc.  B also wanted to take their Papa's gift.  I bought him a couple of really nice blankets because the kids say they are always cold at his house.  So I thought it would be a good thing for the kids to give him for Christmas.

We all walked out together and the kids went to the car to get their stuff.  So I asked E and Lora if they were planning on getting married in the temple.  Lora answered in her super sweet voice, "That is none of your business, but yes, yes we are."  It confused me because I had always thought she was nice with that crazy high sweet voice... but I guess not.  I mentioned again that I was sure I was supposed to receive a letter for E to be able to be sealed to someone else.  Lora then clapped her hand and said, "Yay!  A temple divorce, so then we can get rid of you!" in that same sweet voice.  It was weird.

By now the kids had walked up and I didn't want them to think we were arguing so I stepped in closer to speak softly to them when Lora started screaming at me, "Get back!  Get back!  You have to stay at least two feet away from me!!  Get back, get back, get back!!"  I was so confused I stood there staring at her.  What on earth was this?  She then proceeded to tell me how awful I was, manipulative and .... I can't even remember what else.  It was surreal.

S was crying and hanging onto my leg, L was in the van crying... it was awful.  I tried to tell them that everything was fine and kiss them.  We started talking about tomorrow after school and I heard E saying, "See, see how she is."  I have no idea what he was talking about.

I leaned up and whispered to Lora that I had tried to speak softly as to not upset the kids.  That I knew just how she felt because E had threatened to choke me and to punch me before.  I didn't want to get in her space, I just wanted to speak softly as to not concern the kids because I have worked really hard to protect them through all of this.

E must really be telling her some whoppers, because she was acting nutso when I tried to speak to her.  I had always assumed that she was kind and sweet, bummer that it was just an act.

At the end I just said that we will be following the divorce decree from now on and just do Wednesday nights.  Then I walked to my van.  As I started up the van E drove up and boxed me in so I couldn't back out.  He came up to the window and said, "We really shouldn't talk about things like that in front of the kids."  I looked back in shock as he has yelled, sworn, threatened me many a time in front of the kids.  It was like he was a character in a play.  I just said back that I was the one who had told him that many times.  He had already delivered his line and he just walked away.

I am so tired of this!  I can't ever even speak to him without a big fight.  Their wedding plans are just creeping me out a little because I can't wrap my head around him being worthy to enter the temple.  Also, last week they took the girls out to buy "bridesmaid" dresses.  The girls said they were white.  (Weird?)  And then S told me that Lora thought B should get a white tie and a white shirt...  Then the kids were talking about how excited they were to go to the temple.  (Red flag!)  I explained to them that they were too young to go in the temple still and my girls were then confused, because they were sure that they would be in the wedding with E and Lora.

I hope to shout that E and Lora won't try and take my kids and get sealed to them.  Please tell me the church couldn't be that disorganized or gullible.  E has become quite the liar, however, who knows what he is telling his Bishop!

I am just so tired of this.  Can't we be done now?  I just want to raise my kids in peace.  They have such a hard time with this emotional roller coaster.  A weekend in Orderville will be heaven sent. :)