You know... I have been thinking about the usefulness or purpose of this blog. I know I am sharing way too much information and I think that makes some people a little uncomfortable. The truth is, I don't mind some people knowing how I feel, I just don't want to have to say it out loud.

Also, it gives me a place to vent. To whine and complain. Super sorry it is such a downer. That has been another difficult part of this situation. I am tired of traumatizing others! I feel so bad for the shock and the horror that others experience. It is much easier to just not talk about it.

And don't think I haven't noticed how careful people are being with me. Hey, I am still me, you don't need to be careful. Just because of the sob-talking... I am mostly over that... and if not, it passes quickly. Susan and I had a good laugh about awkward conversations, I've had a few lately.

Here is a "sad" story. A lady in my ward takes R & L to school and I bring home her son. One day she called to say that her vehicle had broken down and could I take the kids to school. When I went to get her son, I was a little early, but they were just pulling in. She had remembered that her husband's car was at the base even though he was very far away, and she had gotten a ride to go get it. She offered to drive but I said that was fine I could wait. So, they run in and he changes his clothes. He comes back out and jumps in the van. Then she says, "Do you want me to go with you?" Of course, he does. So she decides she will just drive him to school herself. Hmmmm.

Earlier she had asked if E could take a look at her car. She has no idea about what is going on apparently, so I said I could give her his cell phone and she could ask. It turns out that she did ask and he went over that day after work and changed her spark plugs and cables. He had bought all of the parts and they totaled $46. When he was done she said, "Oh, I'm glad it was something easy to fix. Should I make the check out for $50?" She wanted to pay him $4!! He was in shock not only for the four dollars, but also because she thought it was something so easy; he told her to go ahead and make it out for $60. So he earned a whopping $14. I feel so bad because he is really trying not to spend money from his check. I have spent most of it on the house payment. He put in gas once... but that is it. So, he could have used a little extra money. Anywho, I say that's what he gets for not paying tithing. :) Ha, ha.

Today I asked him if he is eating. He said, "Why? Am I looking fatter?" Then I realized that his mom had probably bragged that she was going to fatten him up. She has always blamed me for not being able to fatten him up. I asked him and he said she had said that. I knew it. Good luck lady, that's what I say.

I bet it is really hard for him to be living there. They make him nuts. Ruddy has bought a 53 foot semi trailer to fill up and drive to Honduras. E has said many times how ridiculous it all is, that they will never be able to pay the "taxes" on the stuff they are hauling... or make it through Mexico. Today E mentioned that the giant trailer is right in front of the house.

That is probably why he hangs out here so much.

Part of me wants him to be punished for his choice, and not let him come here to enjoy the nice spirit in our home. But this morning I read this scripture in Mormon chapter 8:

19 For behold, the same that ^ajudgeth ^brashly shall be judged rashly again; for according to his works shall his wages be; therefore, he that smiteth shall be smitten again, of the Lord.

20 Behold what the scripture says—man shall not ^asmite, neither shall he ^bjudge; for judgment is mine, saith the Lord, and vengeance is mine also, and I will repay.

So, I will try and remain calm, not judge rashly and keep my children safe and happy. :) Love to all.