Primary Presidency Meeting: at the end of our meeting the sisters started talking about how they had met their husbands. Sweet girl Janelle looks at me and asks how we met. I was quiet and tried to say in a natural way, "Let's not talk about this right now." She pressured me a little and so I said, "He's left us," which was as much as I could get out with out "sob-talking."
She was so confused and she asked, "Where did he go?" Bleh. I get so tired of crying in front of everyone. I am just so raw and it is hovering right below the surface. Anywho, it was awkward. When I finally got it all explained then they wanted to stay around to make me feel better but it was nine o'clock and all I wanted to do was get my kids in bed.
Another horrible moment was the visit of the home teachers. They called and set an appointment to come later in the week, Friday. It just so happened that DiAnn was here. :) Yay. However, Elias was here as well. He was outside when they came over and so he just came on in with them. They had a message prepared and talked and talked. The awkward part came when one of them started talking about being a good father. Then he went on to talk about divorce. He got all teary eyed and shared with us some experiences with his first wife and divorce.
GET ME OUT OF HERE is what I was thinking. And there sat Elias, pretending like everything was normal. It really makes me wonder how long he has been living a lie, because from the looks of it, he is pretty good at it.
6 comments:
Lo siento mucho :(
Maybe it was food for thought about divorce to let E know that it isn't the most wonderful thing in the world... Good luck!
Auntie Julie I don't know what to say. Emily told me a little about what was going on. I just read lots of your posts. I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you. I think you know I'm no longer married to my first husband because he slowly fell into those mists of darkness. You have so much more with your kids I know mine doesn't compare but I kinda know the thoughts & feelings you talk about. Telling people was the worst- I would tell them to tell everyone so I didn't have to. All I can say is that in the middle of it I thought the pain, the sobs would never ever end. But they do and you are SO wise and amazing to stay close to the Lord through it all because Christ is the only one who truly understands exactly how you feel & He suffered all of it for you and He can and will lift that sorrow. I never had any idea how much our Father in Heaven loved his children til he got me through it. He loves you. And you are NOT responsible for what your husband chooses. You will be exalted to the highest degree for being the stable, good, spiritual mom to your beautiful kids. I love you. If you wanna sob-talk I'm very good at it & I'll listen. Good luck. It will be alright. I will pray for your family.
Love ya, you little awkward sob-talker!
xoxo
It sounds like E is just doesn't really ever let his behavior match how he really feels or believes. If he can sit there and let the home teachers go on and on. It is really cowardly of him not to tell anyone. I hope you come down. I sure love you.
alex told me what has been going on, and then i read several of your recent posts. i am so very sorry. i know it doesn't help much, but we think about you lots, and we hope things turn out for the best.
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