And now... Deep Thoughts....

I've been thinking about things that I would like to document. So the following is a jumble of thoughts or experiences:

I loved Larry Esplin's funeral. Everything from the pine casket with flannel lining to the juniper and his hat worked into the casket spray. I loved the talks and I remember thinking I wished it would just go on and on. All of the fun stories about Larry's life were amazing and it is so fun to watch my nephews and my brother-in-law retell those stories with pride. Tim's talk was amazing. I was so touched by him talking about how much he wanted to be like his father and all the things he did, like joining the military, to try and be like him. In the end Tim realized that what he loved about his father couldn't be acheived by just experiences in life, but they were core parts of his personality. I recognize that it has been a while since the funeral and I am not quoting Tim very well, but hopefully I can still make the point. As I listened to Tim, I thought about how much he had changed since I had first met him and I could see him becoming more and more like what he admired in his father. It was truly beautiful.

What a great family those Esplins are! They have been so good to me. After that fateful day in Blanding, sitting at the kitchen table... I mentioned how excited I was to see everyone coming home for Thanksgiving and Donna "mentioned" how much she disliked the idea. Whenever we all got together we all just sat around and talked instead of helping and she ended up doing all of the work. She probably had a point but I felt like she had just thrown a bucket of cold water in my face. I told her not to worry about it and I would let everyone know they weren't welcome. From that day on, I tried not to ever go home for any holidays. Since I was single, I really didn't know what to do. Susan and Richard filled right in and I spent every Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter since that fateful day with them. I used to spend every 4th of July in Sigurd and I traveled to Sigurd or Orderville on many weekends. When I got married it was super traumatic to change the course of things. Still haven't quite gotten used to it. But, my point was, the Esplins have just adopted me and have always been so kind and accepting. I love them all and admire so many things about them and their families.

Blogging is so theraputic. I believe I could just type and type and type, except there are a few other demands on my time. So, more to come later in Deep Thoughts....

Clueless

I am grateful at times for my clueless-ness. Here are a couple of examples:

• It never occured to me that Adam Lambert was homosexual. I did wish he didn't paint his nails black and the guy-liner was always joked about... but really... gay? Clueless!
  

• The other day we went to the library and I saw a couple of teen age girls dressed alike. First thought was maybe they were twins... They both had their hair pulled back into fancy bun/pony tails and they were wearing matching red t-shirts. Later I saw another girl with them that was dressed just the same. Looking closer I realized they were just all wearing the exact same shirt. A red shirt club. Then a memory of when I was substituting this last year a girl gang would wear matching blue shirts to school, I teased them and asked them if they were in a club, acting like I had no idea they were a gang. It only took me a minute to realize that I was looking at their rival gang, the reds vs. the blues. Clueless!
  

Comedy of Errors

• We were down to our last roll of toilet paper (I really try not to let that happen! But at the same time I have been trying to stay out of the store to save money...). I went into the bathroom and Leah was standing on the toilet, reaching over to the sink playing in the water. She had peed right on the roll of toilet paper.

• I left the clothes in the washer over night... so the next day I did a quick rinse with some Arm and Hammer Washing Soda, then dried them. Apparently I forgot to change the washer back to the wash cycle and the next few batches I thought I was washing, I was just putting through a quick rinse! I washed a batch of my own clothes like that and all of the kids' sheets and blankets. Their beds are already remade and will stay that way until the next washing.

• S and hair! She wanted just a pony tail for church yesterday so I told her I would do a tiny pony tail. I just took a little hair and pulled it back, leaving most of the hair down. She looked in the mirror and decided that she didn't look beautiful like that, so she added a bow (brown and pink... her dress was black and gold). When we were walking in to church she saw her reflection in the door and wasn't pleased. She wanted to move the bow to one side. We were late for church and I just wanted to run in and sit down! She kept whining about her hair and the pony tail and the bow all through the opening hymn, prayer, announcements, sacrament hymn... She pulled her pony tail out a ways then pulled it tight again, leaving random strands of hair puffing up all over the top of her head. I had to threaten her with losing her fairy book to make her go sit by her father and leave me out of the mess.
  

Adventures from April 3rd to April 7th

I am so glad we went to Rebekah's baptism, it turned into a great adventure for our little family! We traveled down to Orderville after school on a Friday and made it just after 6 pm. The baptism was at 7 p.m. so we made it just right. Jacob baptized Rebekah, how cute is that? Just as cute as Christopher baptizing Zachary and Kaber baptizing Isaac. : )

My kids love going to Orderville. So many things to see and do... plenty of real animals. : ) After loads of fun we traveled down to St. George and stayed with Ticee for a minute. We got to take Dad with us. He had been in Orderville for the baptism, too. I loved watching how Ticee treated Dad. She gives him the attention and respect that not only he deserves, but I think he craves it as well. She is a good little example, that girl.

After St. George began the crazy adventure to Blanding to take Dad home! If you remember when I came to college my freshman year with Melissa Richmond, we took our own sweet time and stopped everywhere on the way (sorry Susan and Richard, who were waiting for us). This trip with Dad was just the same. What a great time. Our first stop was Glen Canyon Dam. The kids loved it and I bought them all a book about the Rez, the desert and Native Americans.

There is nothing like driving across the Rez. I love the feel of the Rez, I love the flood of memories and the flood of love I felt for the people I remember. Ahhhh....

Our next stop was the National Navajo Monument. As we drove by I asked Dad what it was. He said there was a walk to a nice ruin, but he had never been there. We have both driven by a million times but have never stopped! We turned right around and drove the nine miles out to the monument. It was a fun hike/walk down to a overlook. All along the way were signs identifying plants and the way Native Americans used them, yucca, buffalo berry, pinion, juniper, Brigham tea... The trail led to a look out and we could see an amazing ruin set back in the rock. It is called Betatakin and is made up of a number of rooms. My favorite part of the walk was see three Navajo men who had hiked down a different trail to collect a plant. I was so close to asking them which plant it was and what they were going to use it for, but I chickened out. I still dream of studying ethno-botany.

We bought little birds for the kids at the Monument. They brought about an unexpected pleasantry for the Biologist mother. The rest of the trip the kids were searching for birds. We were able to identify a number of birds, and to this day the affect has not worn off. We still do bird watching as a family. : )
Next stop came in Kayenta. My mouth had been watering for frybread for hours. Luckily I saw a bill board for "Amigos" restaurant with a Navajo Taco on it. I was determined to go there and buy some fry bread. The restaurant was a little dive, I felt lucky to find it. I went in and they made my two pieces of frybread. DELICIOSO! We all gobbled it up, even Leah!

Next dream of mine was to buy some jewelery. I found a stand around Monument Valley and I bought a bracelet for all of the girls, an arrow head for B, and necklaces, bracelets and earrings for me. Yippee! We drove through Monument Valley at the perfect time, the lighting was beautiful.

Our next stop came at Mexican Hat. The kids loved it. It is amazing. Equally amazing was how well the kids were behaving. They were enjoying the stops more than Dad and I were!

We were driving along talking about hieroglyphics and I told Dad I hadn't ever seen any! He gasped in disbelief and told me to slow down... and turn right here. We were at Sand Island and went to look and the petroglyphs or pictographs... (Someone in the know, please help me with the proper terminology.) A tender mercy that we just happened to be driving in that exact spot that very moment.

After Sand Island came Bluff. I mention the memories of Melissa's birthday when we thought we were so grown up. We went on a little river rafting expedition from Bluff to Sand Island, all by ourselves!

It was hilarious to drive those, what, maybe four miles. But we had fun back in the day. In Bluff Dad showed us a ruin they were excavating right in town. Impressive. And we just had to stop at Twin Rocks for the perfect photo opportunity.

The turn offs to go to Mussi tugged at my heart strings. Crazy as it may be, I really do miss the Rez. It was fun to tell the kids that we "helped" get the chapel at White Mesa. It really is such a tiny little thing. I enjoyed our time there while Dad was Branch President.

I couldn't believe it when we finally made it Blanding, only 10 hours after we had started. I was very nervous about going to the "big house," but I cowboyed up and just did it. Cardon thought there wasn't any food in the house and offered to go and buy something, but we were able to rustle up some grub out of the floor to ceiling cupboard that were full and the special shelves downstairs that roll the cans down, also full. We ended up sleeping on the couch and the floor, mostly because I was nervous about sleeping in any of the empty beds for fear of any fall out.

The next morning we fed the horses with Dad and he took us to the Lance Site. It marks the summer and winter solstice and the equinoxes. It also marks the 5th of April. Dad took his photo album to show us examples of the light and shadow on significant days. He makes a great guide.

This handsome brave casts a shadow on this specific place on the rock. Blast, I can't remember on which day. Any who, it was quite spectacular. After a sighting of a Mountain Bluebird, (R's bird) and stopping to check out where Jim Mike and Billy Mike had their summer home back in the day... we hit the car wash. I was exhausted after the drive home. Oh, but I must mention that the antelope didn't let me down. For as long as I remember, I have always seen at least one antelope between Crescent Junction and Green River. Even though it was tiring, it was so worth it. I need to remember not to let opportunities pass me by. Memory Making for the kids is on my head for now.

Kids say the darnedest things...



L: We are playing Lego "Indian" Jones

The other day I told E that he was HOT. The kids all laughed and dared each other to touch him. S was the bravest, she walked right up and touched his sleeve. R gathered up her courage and timidly reached out her hand. L finally let E touch her hand. None of them were burned too badly. Then this morning L says, "'member when Papa was hot? That was funny."



On another topic, apparently I washed and dried my cell phone. I actually heard the clunking as I started up the dryer but we were on our way out the door and I just thought to myself as I walked away, "I wonder if there is a shoe or something in the dryer?" Der... So, the phone won't turn on. Go figure. I had to wait a couple of weeks before I could talk about it. E didn't hear about it for a few days. If anyone has called my cell, sorry I couldn't answer. I didn't even call to find out my options until today. We were with Qwest and they said we could skip out on our last year of our contract if we moved over to Verizon. So now Verizon is sending me a free phone and I am under a two year contract again. I really hate contracts, but what else could I do... it is a free phone. I feel pretty blessed I didn't have to go out and buy a new phone.



Yesterday it occurred to me that S's school uniform will be a little more complicated than B's. I think it might be harder to find collared shirts with no decoration in white, navy and hunter green. Also khaki pants might be harder to find. What about skirts, jumpers, leggings, tights. We'd better get started! Apparently I felt it keenly because I dreamed about it last night. Little S showed up for her first day of school wearing an orange top and a flower print skirt... and we forgot the camera!! I couldn't believe I forgot to take pictures of her on her first day of school. Trauma. We are going to start looking for her uniform right away.

Over the last month I have searched for any Easter dresses with sleeves and finally ordered them online. I have been to Walmart, Target, Old Navy etc. and went to all of them online as well as Children's Place and many others. It is almost impossible to find a dress with sleeves! Here is what kohls.com said about the dressed I ordered:


Pretty as a flower. She'll be ready for any occasion in this girls' dress and shrug set. In coral/pink.
Floral dress offers sweet styling.
Ribbon belt provides fashionable flair.
Shrug makes the perfect layering piece.
Details:
2-piece set
Set includes: short-sleeved dress & long-sleeved shrug
Dress: cotton
Shrug: cotton/polyester
Machine wash
Imported

This is copied from the kohls.com website. Note that it says short-sleeved dress. I was ecstatic, really... They came in the mail this week and the are sleeveless!! Grrrr. I could have bought a sleeveless dress with a shrug from anywhere. So, what should I do about it now? Easter is upon us. At least it is freezing and the girls will want to wear the shrug. I know it isn't that big of deal, it's just that we have talked about modesty and they all know we should wear sleeves. Then for their mother to go out and buy them a dress with out sleeves... it is all just a little hypocritical. Grrr.

Fluffy

We now have a rabbit, again. I should just admit to myself that I don't like having animals because 1) they stink and require mother (me) to clean up even more messes, and 2) they will eventually die... and it will probably be my fault. Too much death really gets me down.

So E apparently skipped out early on the adult meeting of Stake Conference. He said after one speaker mentioned Smith & Edwards one too many times in his talk about Emergency Preparedness, he just slipped out and went to IFA. Then he came home with a purebred French Angora rabbit. It is white with red eyes and very fluffly, hence its name. During my online research I discovered that you can harvest the wool and easily make your own yarn... so let me know if you are interested and I will send you the wool. I, myself, am not too interested in spinning yarn, not this year at least.

I am sitting here smelling it and must end to clean out the cage. I have decided to just clean it every stinking day to try and stay sane.

Did I mention I need to dust, vaccum, shower, get dressed and start getting lunch?

Oh, and I am applying for jobs for next year. I interviewed at B's school where I want to end up. I refuse to give up hope... I will keep hope alive clear into August. I am also applying at Ogden School District. Wish me luck. We need to start digging our way out of this hole we are in!

Lots or Love!

So, the little ponds turned out great. Wish I could say the same for the fish! Eleven of the fifteen fish were dead by the next morning. In the mad rush of trying to get to B's school, I also had to go buy more fish. But all turned out well. : )

B's class gets to go to the Aquarium this week. I think that should be super fun for them.

Some lessons learned from my Sabbath. I am always too quick to judge, especially myself. It is such a freakish habit, I'm telling you. We rushed to 9 a.m. Stake Conference yesterday in the Tabernacle, where all the seats are comfortable. : ) We are always a little late and quickly found seats after the opening prayer. It ended up that we were sitting in front of a family with little girl twins. Of course I had to ask how old they were... They have a daughter who is almost 5 (just like our S), the twins barely turned 3 (almost a year younger than ours) and they have a baby boy of about 6 months. Immediately I started feeling guilty because there was no way we wanted to have another baby. If this unknown woman could do it... maybe I should have been willing to have more babies. This mother was also thin and beautiful.

It took me a few minutes to realize what I was doing. Why are we always so willing to compare ourselves with others?! I had to remind myself that we prayed plenty... and I am pretty old... and each family gets to make their own decisions. Embarrassingly enough, I was also glad that her kids were noisier than ours. Oh what joy to realize that they are improving and getting better at sitting still for hours. : )

The next time I judged myself was during the dedication of the Draper temple. One of the speakers mentioned that he explained to his grand daughters that the Celestial room represents the Celestial kingdom. I started right into a panic thinking that I hadn't explained that to our kids as we went through the open house! I am not teaching the gospel well enough at home, my children may never have strong testimonies... etc... Crazy woman. I am still trying to talk myself out of that one. I tried to talk to B about temples again last night before bed and on the way to school this morning. It's like I can't help my crazy self.

Anywho, my point being... Let's all be more gentle with ourselves. Yes, we should recognize our faults and work on them, but try not to feel guilty about every little thing. Now I am feeling guilty about feeling guilty all of the time. I do know that if we make a constant effort, the Lord can fill in where he needs to. Upward and onward!

Oh to be able to express in words what just took place in my kitchen. I can't stop laughing, but I must. The children are a little suspicious that I am laughing at them, which, of course, is true...

I have been volunteer teaching Science in B's class to earn a few re-licensing points. Tomorrow we are building little ponds. We all have been out cruising pet shops buying fish, Anacharis (a water plant), rocks etc. So, we got home and I wanted to put the fish in a big container, I just have a large vase. During my efforts a poor little fish slipped right out of the bag and onto the counter. The kids were horrified to see it flopping, flopping. R was scared out of her wits as it flopped towards her. She screamed as she struggled to get off of the bar stool, the fish flailing ever closer.

I was trying to hand the bag with the other fourteen fish to B. "Hold the bag," I told him. It took me a couple of seconds to realize that he wasn't listening! The bag lay on the counter, water and fish pouring out of it. I started yelling, "B, hold the bag, Hold the BAG!" By now we had at least five tiny fish traveling amazingly well on their sides. Flop, flop, floppity, flop. B finally grabbed the bag as I started scooping the fish into my hands and into the water.

The last little guy had B very upset and he actually started crying. "Please don't die. Please don't die. Don't die!" I tried to assure him all was well as soon as the fish hit the water. He calmed down quickly but the girls kept asking if the fish had died. Then they all kept asking me why I was laughing. What a mess! There was water all over the counter and on the floor, on both sides of the bar. I still think we might find a dry little carcass one of these days. All is well now, the children are calm, the mess cleaned up. But the hysteria is what cracked me up, and still has me chuckling.

Hail to the Cheif

What a big day. Just thinking about it has made me a little teary eyed. I know I didn't vote for Obama but I have enjoyed this monumental day as much as if I had voted for him. I love this day for many reasons...

• Watching my husband get more and more involved in politics, the nation, the state of our entire world. I love hearing his opinions and thoughts. It has made a huge difference now that he can vote because he feels like he is part of the action process and not just being acted upon.
• Teaching my children about our country and how the government works. Helping them understand our beautiful freedoms. Also, learning from them about tolerance and love. I was explaining to them yesterday about Martin Luther King Jr. We looked up some pictures of him on line and I found a picture of a water fountain that said, "White Only." I was talking about how some people judged according to the color of your skin and you could only sit in certain places or eat in certain places depending on the color of your skin. B saw the "White Only" drinking fountain and started giggling. "That's weird," he said, "How could anyone have white skin?" As I looked at our white refrigerator and our white microwave it occurred to me how right he was. "Nobody is going to be able to drink out of that drinking fountain!" He was as unfamiliar with the terms of white and black people as if he were a newborn babe. We all know that people are a subtle variety of colors, not at all white or black.
• The peaceful transition of power. The politics of President Bush and President Obama are so different, yet they both have the same ultimate goal... to heal the United States of America. To make us a strong, safe, stable country, a "good" country. As I have watched with horror the war in Israel/Palestine, the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, even the interview on Univision of an ex-president of Mexico that is rumored to have siphoned millions of dollars from the country into his own pockets, I have felt blessed every day to live in a country with such a peaceful transition of power. They had their "social coffee" together this morning, rode over in the same car, smiled and waved. Nice.
• Last but not least this day gives me so much hope that we are moving towards an end of racism. I still hear crazy racist remarks all of the time but we now have proof that a majority of people are not racist at least in one area. It is still always my mission to help spread love and tolerance instead of prejudice. I believe that it starts with knowing people and backgrounds and cultures. I hope as a nation we can continue to fight prejudice and help people get to know each other and understand each other a little better.
  

Yesterday the Treehouse had a ceremony in their Oval Office to unveil the portrait of our new President. We went as a family and had a grand time. They have an exact replica of the President's desk and the rug that is in the real Oval Office. Yeah, Treehouse.

Wow, what a great holiday season we have just had. I love the magic in the eyes of our children when they see Christmas lights, our Christmas Village, Santa... We had so much fun! I bought way too many books, so now we have at least 25 picture books about the birth of the Savior. Apparently I am also collecting Nativity scenes because we now have seven different sets. Only two of them are not touching ones. The kids were constantly playing with and positioning them.

A couple of funny things B said: "Mom, where would you like to go over Christmas break?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Like Hawaii or Disneyland...." I just laughed so B tried again, "How about Roy?" Now Roy is do-able. Regrettably I must inform that we didn't even go to Roy!

B also told me that they read "The Grouch Who Stole Christmas" at school. Was that me?

The girls all got brown boots for Christmas and R calls them her "co-co-lat-tay boots." It is close to how you say chocolate in Spanish. So cute.

How I wish I wrote down everything they said. They make living enjoyable... most of the time.

Now I would like to share things I can never complain about out loud.

• Spaghetti legs while trying to put tights on. I just keep trying to move the tights up their legs and they (you know who "they" are... S, R, L) they have wobbly legs, bendy legs etc. Grrrr....
• Last year I bought E a leather Jeff Gordon jacket... that was too big and he complained for a year. So, this year I bought him a smaller one in twill. I wrapped it up and put it under the tree. Christmas Eve he puts out a twill jacket that he had bought himself! I knew he wanted one....
  
• L never puts her own panties on after she goes potty. She brings them to me, waving in the air, no matter who is here. Yes, yes, I am just grateful she is going potty.
• S pretends like she can't understand Spanish when I ask her to do something she would rather not do.
• Every time I comment on the beauty of the snowy weather my husband takes it as a personal affront, as he has to maintain and fix the cities snowplows. When he is on call, meaning he has to work at all hours if there is a big snow storm, he asks, "Do you want it to snow now? Do you love snow?"
• As I comb and "do"my girls' hair they creep closer and closer to me till their heads are right against my chest. You can't do hair that way.
• We had a Thomas the Tank Engine Train that our neighbor had given us a year ago, minus the Thomas. B got a new Thomas engine for Christmas and my husband kept wanting me to take it back to the store. Then E spent hours helping the kids set up a track, he insisted we leave it up over night and E continued to play with it the next day. Go figure.
• Keeping track of 12 gloves, family hats, boots, putting on socks and shoes on so many feet...
• Children who pretend like they can't dress themselves because they need more mama time.
• Pee, pee, pee...
  
• Cookie monsters, we all know it is my fault the cats all love cookies.
• E eating an oatmeal cookie from a neighbor and saying, "Why can't you make cookies like this? Could you learn how?" I don't make oatmeal cookies because I don't like them, not because I don't have oatmeal cookie skills! Are you kidding me?
• Putting gloves on little hands! It is difficult for me to control those little fingers and get them into the right place, and then do it again, and again, and again, and again....
• Girls having opinions about hair. Tinker Bell hair means a bun pony tail, Mermaid hair is a french braid, Dora Princess is a high pony tail, two braids, two pony tails, clips, bows.... Wow!

Well, I will stop there. The kids are cute and really quite well behaved, I think. We love them and don't want to send any back. Here they are in their new Christmas jammies.