Lonely

I have so few people to really talk to that I have thought about using my blog kind of as an imaginary friend.  I can share my thoughts and feelings with the blogosphere and maybe be able to process, just as if I was talking to a friend.  Think about it, it could work.

Tears at School

Tonight was back to school night... and open house and I had such a tender experience.  I was in my room with one set of parents just talking about the class and chatting about the school.  I glanced out into the hall and noticed a woman waiting.  She looked a little grim, not gonna' lie.  I motioned to her and let her know that she was more than welcome to come inside.  However, she chose to remain in the hall.  

After the other parents left she came in and told me the name of her child.  I mentioned that I had missed him today, as he had been absent.  She said that they had some family problems and he couldn't get to school until the afternoon.  I told her I was sorry to hear that and that I hoped everything turned out okay.  That is when she haltingly told me that her cousin had passed away.  I told her how sorry I was and we agreed that our community had seen too much death lately.

We continued discussing her son, she told me a few warning signs to watch for, that he liked to day dream.  Then after an awkward pause she mentioned that she had another son at our school, the name she mentioned was one of my former students who has brain cancer.  I had secretly been hoping that his cancer was gone because he looks like he is doing so well.  I shared with her that I had heard they had recently had an appointment at Primary Children's Hospital.  That is when she told me that his tumor has spread to other parts of his brain.  The drugs that he had been taking were to slow down the growth of the tumor, but it was back.  They now had to do radiation.  

The Navajo are not big criers, so it is always alarming for them to be around me, I cry a lot.  A few tears leaked out as she told me about her son and I told her, "I will cry for you."  We talked a while longer about her children.  A few more tears leaked out.  As she left we did the traditional hand shake and the "nice to meet you."  Then out of the blue she gave me a big hug and said, "Thank you," and she walked away.

Oh, how I love people.  We are all carrying around burdens.  I hope that we can have compassion and let others share their burdens with us a to carry a little.  So many have listened to me and have helped me lighten my load.  If you ever need me to, I will cry for you. 

Move to Blanding? Are you sure?

We have moved to Blanding.  It has been the craziest thing ever.  I knew the Lord wanted me to put in the application so I thought to myself I would just do that much and try not to think about the next step.  I did the same with the interview, I said the interview went so well that I almost talked myself into thinking I wanted to go there!  When they offered me the job I locked myself in the bathroom and cried like a baby.  Anywho, the Lord has really blessed us in finding a place to live here (it is so hard to find rentals in Blanding, Steve Lovell helped me find a place that belongs to the district and is only $500 a month that they take right out of my check).  We live right next to the elementary school so the girls can just walk right next door even after I am gone.  B has to ride his bike to school but he is proud of how physically fit he is. :)

This week another blessing, we got an offer on our house in Ogden, so hoping it will sell within the next three weeks.  School is hard but I know I am supposed to be here, so I try to just hang in there.

Saturday Elias came down to see the kids so I had a free moment and decided to go to the temple in Monticello.  When I got there I saw a lady that teaches with me in Montezuma Creek.  Her son was going through in preparation for his mission and another girl from the branch in Montezuma Creek was going through for her mission.  They are both going to a mission in Mexico in the next few months.  It was a perfect session to stumble into.  The Monticello temple is so tiny and “cute.” ;)  There were only a few in the session, about 30-ish.  Well, I knew that my dad’s business partner, Pete Black, was the Branch President in Montezuma Creek.  Coming to Blanding has made me face many dragons that I had tucked far, far away.  In the back of my mind I kind of always blamed Pete for my dad’s stroke.  When I first moved here and my Bishop told me Pete was the Branch President tears came to my eyes, I was like, “whoa” I guess there are some unresolved issues there.  So, sitting in the temple I was nervous to see who would walk in.  Sure enough, in walked Pete Black.  I chuckled in my heart at how Heavenly Father does things, because who can be mad in the temple?  Sam Pugh also walked in who was a guy who worked at (and still works at) Recapture Metals forever.  It just took me back to the times when all partners and employees at Recapture got along and worked hard together to make it work.  I decided it was better to remember the good times rather than anything else.

In the Celestial room I was able to talk to Pete and his wife and I am grateful that I was able to get those weird blaming feelings out of the way.  It helped me remember that we are all just people trying to live the gospel the best we can.  Things happen along the way, but if Heavenly Father can forgive everyone (especially me) than I need to be able to forgive people.  

Living here has been weird, tackling one tucked away dragon at a time.  But it is good to grow, eh?  We are never too old to keep learning.