From our castle to yours

2011-01-23T18:32:00.003-07:00

So, it has been awhile. I am getting much better but there is still so very far to go. I can talk more freely now about the horrible things E has done. In the past I felt like it wasn't my place to spread his sins out for all to see, but now, meh... I will tell all if anyone asks.

So, he has been pretty rotten recently. Everything seems to be a big fight. To get him to stop coming to the house every single day was a crazy fight. Taking away the garage door opener, changing the code again and again (he used to drive a Mercedes and would just reprogram his car to the garage). One time when we stayed home from church sick I hear the garage opening and there he was, with another garage door opener. Then I told him I couldn't find the house key and he just happened to have it in his car. Exhausting.

I forced him to make a schedule for visitations, he acted like it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard of. He just likes to call whenever and say, "Can I take the kids for awhile?" I printed out a calendar and made him choose when he would like the kids. He wanted to just come over here and hang out but I told him he would have to take the kids to his place. He wanted to just take two at a time and once again I forced the issue and said he needed to take all of them. He finally chose a weeknight, he picks them up after work and they stay over night at his house. I asked if he wanted every other weekend, but no, that is when his girlfriend visits.

Oh, yes, he has a girlfriend that doesn't mind that she is dating a married man. He took her to Christmas, even with the kids. I made him promise me that he wouldn't have her over when he had the kids at his apartment. We have "talked" many times about how I don't think it is good for the kids to see who he is dating. I think he should leave them out of it. I have tried and tried to get him to just leave the kids separate, but he refuses. Last week at B's basketball game the girls told me they saw Sara sitting on the other side. So E came and sat with us and apparently she sat just a ways down. Creepy! They are definitely not very adult about this. I wish he would just leave me alone.

Today he took the kids to his niece's birthday party. Before he has "snuck" Sara along, like she just shows up at wherever they happen to be. Today, however, he just pulled up to the house bold as brass with his girlfriend in the car. When he brought them back I let the kids in and hung up their coats etc. but E just kept standing in the door. I was so uncomfortable. Finally I asked if he was going to pick the kids up for school tomorrow in time for breakfast at school. He answered yes and just kept standing there. "Yes?" I asked.

"The kids will tell you anyway, so, Sara came with us," he says.

"I know." Still, he stands in the door. When is he going to leave? What does he want?

"I don't want to make you feel bad," he starts. Whenever anyone says they don't want to make you feel bad, that is exactly what they want. "She is here with me in the car."

I know he is goading me, he is just waiting for a fight. I can't believe I have held back this long. But he is just rubbing it in my face. Finally I say, "You can't be an adult." He is happy now that he knows he has unsettled me, and he leaves. The look on his face while he was telling me that Sara is sitting in the car, he was just so proud and excited to be able to humiliate me. He felt like such a man to be able to make a fool of me in my own home. It made my stomach turn.

I am starting to ponder moving, just to get away from him. I will always have to put up with something. And it is always something new, every week. This week when he came to get the kids I told him he would have to get them ready. I usually have them all packed with pj's and school clothes, toothbrushes and hair supplies, clean underwear and socks, pillows, blankets, the works. Last week he got off of work early so he came 2 1/2 hours early, but he didn't let me know. So, when I said he could get them ready he rudely asked, "Am I allowed to walk around the house?" It struck me as odd and I tried to remember if I had asked him not to go into the kids rooms or anything. I have asked him many times not to just walk in the door. He refuses to comply. I try to always keep the doors locked, but if for some reason they are open he will just walk right in, every time.

Later, I found out he had taken my camera and the USB cord and I realized that the "walk around the house" comment must have been coming from his own guilt. I don't know when he sneaked into the office to find the cord and camera, but it turns out that he did. All week I was looking for my camera. I was afraid I had left it at B's basketball game the week before. I searched top to bottom, missed the photo op of B receiving an award at school, but still couldn't find it. Finally I announced to the girls, "I can't find the camera, so if you see it anywhere let me know."

S pipes right up and says, "Papa has it." I started with the "he probably bought his own camera" bit but she was confident. "I saw it in his apartment."

So, I thought I might as well try because I had searched coats, bags, the hateful van, the office, everywhere in the house... I call E and tell him, "I can't find the camera anywhere. I think I might have lost it at the basketball game. Did you happen to see it anywhere?"

"It is in my car."

"It's in your car?" I am confused. "Did you find it?"

"I wanted to take pictures of the kids sledding." I had asked him if he wanted to take the kids sledding because Santa brought them some round saucers for Christmas and they hadn't been able to go yet. He took them and his Sara met them there.

I say, "You forgot to tell me."

"I knew you would make a big deal out of it, like you always do. I knew ..."

I cut his ranting off and said, "Okay, okay, I have just been looking for it all week," and then I hung up.

He gave the camera back the next day and proudly displayed a new camera he has bought with his Best Buy credit. The same Best Buy credit that spelled out the beginning of the end for our marriage. He opened an account and bought a laptop without talking to me about it. The next two months he would sit on our bed with his laptop whenever he was in the house. He wouldn't come down for dinner, he didn't interact with the kids... The same laptop that I had to borrow one weekend when my computer had been sent to my tech guy for re-imaging. He left three days later after many lies... but by then I had seen with my own eyes and knew they were lies.

He never apologizes, not for taking the camera (he blames that on me because I would have thrown a big fit, he had to sneak it out), not for his girlfriend breaking one of our sleds, not for snowplowing the cord of my new little spiral Christmas trees I had outside, not for yelling at me when I asked if he could jump the van during his lunch hour. Yesterday he actually said to me, "You never put yourself in my shoes." He is just exhausting to be around.

I am trying to pray my way past this anger stage. You know how you hear that the atonement can help you forgive and heal, as well as repent. Well, this week I realized that my anger and the mean things I say are sins. I need the atonement to help me get past this because all of this bitterness will cause me to sin more. I would rather stay on the path and stay closer to the Lord. So, I am working on it, but I am still pretty angry.

This week it also came to me that E is suffocating all of the love that we had for each other. His behavior is suffocating any good feelings I used to have. So sad.

It is good for me to be reminded of my kids in all of this. They hate it when we argue in front of them, yet another thing that E seems not to see the importance of. I have to keep it civil for them. I want to wrap them up in a big loving cocoon and help them feel safe, important, loved... They are suffering and will continue to suffer more than either E or I. It is not fair.

I did read a great scripture this week. I feel so frustrated about not being able to control things that hurt my kids or are confusing for them. Doctrine and Covenants 123:17 says:

"Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed."

It hit me that all I can do is my part and then stand with assurance. That is my goal from here out. Concentrate on things I can improve, E is going to be a jerk and hurt the kids over and over, I can't control that. I have tried to talk to him, but he does what he wants. When I read the scripture the Spirit whispered to me that if I do the things that lie in my power, it will be enough. I can help them grow and be strong and confident, which is my greatest desire.

2010-11-30T12:40:00.002-07:00

Today is a break down day. I can feel my heart racing and I am pretty weepy, so I thought maybe writing a little would help me pull it together.

My kids are really growing up. So many opinions. R is so stubborn about her hair, she really needs a hair cut and a style. She wants to just leave it as is and it is not so good... Today for school I put in a teeny tiny pony tail (the girls have very specific names for all the things we do to their hair). Well, she did not like it. I didn't have the time to talk her into it or distract her before her ride came. L was staying home from school sick so R was going by herself. I had to carry her down the stairs to the door. Then I just gave up. I didn't have it in me to carry her to the car and hand off the problem to my neighbor running the carpool. So, I said she could just stay home.

Then I closed the door and burst into uncontrollable sobs. I have got so much work to do and these kids need so much time and attention. I feel completely overwhelmed. So, R stayed home and we'll just say she was sick again. I am too tired to do otherwise.

Christmas is coming and I am so ready for it. I hope the kids don't find the secret stash. Twenty-five days is quite a long time! Fingers crossed everyone.

E showed up yesterday. In the morning he asked if I needed any help this week and I am too stubborn to tell him when I need help. He has only seen his kids once the last couple of weeks because I finally got him to stop coming over every day. So, yesterday morning I told him that if he wanted to see his kids he needed to call and set something up. So he said he would come over that night. Last night he came over and announced that he would take two kids to sleep at his apartment. S peed in his bed. I guess R and S slept in his bed and he slept on the floor... and she peed the bed.

This morning he announced that he would take B and L to sleep over tonight. I get so frustrated. I feel like I am trying to teach him everything. We have been over and over the whole "plan things out" idea and he just refuses. He refused a schedule, he said he can't take them all every other weekend. Then there is the whole girlfriend issue, he may or may not be living with someone, sometimes. So, I don't know what to do and I am so tired of making all of the decisions and being the only adult in the equation. I just want to protect my children.

Yesterday he also complained because I gave him his Christmas ornaments and decorations. He thinks I should keep pictures of him up in the house and keep things around so the kids know him. We have had this conversation many times before as well. I asked if he wanted some photos of me to hang up in his apartment and he made a rude comment. He just doesn't get it, ever.

I'm tired and want all of this to just go away.

Bishop

2010-10-07T19:25:00.002-06:00

So, I had an appointment with the Bishop for a Sunday afternoon at 2:15. I took all of the kids with me and they all had a quiet activity to keep them busy. Of course I was late, so I was a little relieved to see that he was still in with the people who had an appointment before me. We sat and waited with the executive secretary who was watching the little boy of the couple who were in with the Bishop. We hung out, waiting ... after about 30 minutes I asked when the next appointment was coming. There were only about 15 minutes until the next appointment came. I decided that if they showed up, we would just leave. I didn't want them to have to sit out waiting forever for me to finish. My kids were starting to get a little crazy any way.

So, low and behold, the next appointment showed up. I told the ex sec to make sure and tell the Bishop I was mad, and I left. I tell you, I am crazy feisty lately. Not a good thing. It is embarrassing.

Anywho, I saw the Bishop later in the week at pack meeting. He apologized and I could tell he was a little afraid of the crazy woman. We set another appointment for Thursday.

Before my appointment Thursday I had a huge blow up with E. He was trying to give me a little lecture and I, of course, let him know that I did not have to listen to his lectures any more. He got more and more angry as I refused to learn from him and ended up saying a bunch of mean things like, "Who would want to live with a woman like you?" So, big fat loud fight, in front of the kids, which I hate right before I go to the Bishop's office and E went off to soccer practice with all of the kids.

When I walked in with the Bishop I was just so angry at him, at E, at life... he asked me how I was and I burst into uncontrollable tears. I was making weird crying faces and I had to turn my head away while I was getting it under control. Finally I stopped crying and asked if we could talk about Primary first so I could pull it together, it worked.

When we started talking about E the Bishop had a million questions. He is still in shock and just can't believe it all happened. We went on and on about the last few years and the last couple of months. It was nice to just be able to put everything on the table. I haven't told anyone else all of the things that E has done, so it was quite refreshing to just lay it out there.

After all of that he asked what he could do for me. That is when I slipped in my question about counseling and here is what he said, "Counseling is usually for bigger problems. Like E, he needs counseling, but you, you have it all together." Oh, bother. Then he admitted that he didn't really know what was available and I asked if he would please check into it for me.

So, now that we have all judged my crazy Bishop so harshly (I did, believe you me) I found out that his father died the following morning. He had broken his leg a couple of months ago and has just been going down hill fast since then. So, all this time I was wanting the Bishop to pay attention to me, he had been sitting by his father's deathbed watching him slip away.

How sad is that? I went to the funeral today. There weren't more than 30 people there I bet. Bishop has a brother but it looks like neither of them have children and there wasn't any other family besides his mom. Bishop had asked the RS president to help him find enough pall bearers. Sad.

Every time I get all wrapped up in my woes and sorrows, I remember my great family and friends. I have been really blessed and surrounded by good people. And I do "have it all together" in so much that I can turn to the Lord in prayer and feel the comfort that comes from the Spirit. So, I will be alright. ...but I still think I want counseling. ;)

Thank You!

2010-09-30T11:37:00.002-06:00

I don't know how to thank all of those who have been so great to me. I sometimes can't even remember if I have responded to an email or comment, so hopefully many of you will read this. Just to know that I am loved is so huge right now. Anytime someone comments or sends me a message it buoys me up and helps me get through another hour.

Yes, he is still "gone."

2010-09-23T09:44:00.002-06:00

Things are still the same. He wants a divorce and is living with his mother but he comes here every single day. He is trying to help out, and each little thing he does really is a help... but still.

I struggle every single day. From hour to hour... probably more like 15 minute intervals... I am fine one moment then I am in the depths of despair the next, and pretty often I am angry. Angry at Elias, angry at Heavenly Father, angry at the world, angry at the Bishop... pretty much anything can set me off. I try so hard not to take it out on my kids, but when they don't obey or won't go to bed sometimes I go a tad ballistic. I am taking more time to hug and talk to each one, but it is never enough.

One thing that is annoying is that this isn't what a divorce should look like. He should just be gone and we try to rebuild our lives. I have come to realize that there are no "laws" about how anything should look. We are all individuals and this isn't like anything I have ever seen before, but then again I have never been involved in anything like this before.

I ran away to Southern Utah for the weekend to try and escape a while. It was nice. They let us stay at the ranch in a little house, we were so comfortable. We went out on the pond in a boat for an adventure, the kids found lots of adventure every where outside. They had a blast playing with each other and especially playing with their cousins. My school also had an activity at Zions that was fun. Mostly I loved the beauty, being outside can be so soothing.

At night, however, I couldn't sleep. I woke up a million times a night. I ended up getting so sick, bronchitis, and having many breakdowns. Whenever anyone says something nice, I tear up. So annoying! Susan had surgery and I didn't help out one bit. It really feels like I have been wrapped up in myself for years and years, my whole life probably. One big thing after another. Poor, poor Julie.

I have "yelled" at the RS Pres for trying to make me wear a name tag. I got after the Bishop for not checking on me, "Are you wondering how I am doing Bishop, because I've been waiting for you to call and check on me, but you haven't. I am not doing so good and I could really use some support blah, blah, blah." Who does that?! Apparently, I do. The worst of it is, I didn't stop there. "I was wondering if you are going to let me make any decisions in Primary. Because when we asked for anyone in RS you just ignored us and it seems like you want to make all of the decisions yourself blah, blah blah." Ouch.

You should she the Bishop's wife, she is so quiet and sweet. She always thanks him for what he teaches her etc. I doubt he has had much experience with such a strong willed woman as myself. Anywho, what is done is done. After all the ranting Bishop and I had a nice talk about Primary so maybe he will just forget the first part? Fingers crossed....

Awkward Moments

2010-09-10T21:55:00.002-06:00

Primary Presidency Meeting: at the end of our meeting the sisters started talking about how they had met their husbands. Sweet girl Janelle looks at me and asks how we met. I was quiet and tried to say in a natural way, "Let's not talk about this right now." She pressured me a little and so I said, "He's left us," which was as much as I could get out with out "sob-talking."

She was so confused and she asked, "Where did he go?" Bleh. I get so tired of crying in front of everyone. I am just so raw and it is hovering right below the surface. Anywho, it was awkward. When I finally got it all explained then they wanted to stay around to make me feel better but it was nine o'clock and all I wanted to do was get my kids in bed.

Another horrible moment was the visit of the home teachers. They called and set an appointment to come later in the week, Friday. It just so happened that DiAnn was here. :) Yay. However, Elias was here as well. He was outside when they came over and so he just came on in with them. They had a message prepared and talked and talked. The awkward part came when one of them started talking about being a good father. Then he went on to talk about divorce. He got all teary eyed and shared with us some experiences with his first wife and divorce.

GET ME OUT OF HERE is what I was thinking. And there sat Elias, pretending like everything was normal. It really makes me wonder how long he has been living a lie, because from the looks of it, he is pretty good at it.

2010-09-03T10:26:00.002-06:00

Today is a bad day. Feeling feisty and annoyed ... and sad and sorry for myself. I would rather not have days like this... I would rather have the calm days. So, I am going to pull it together, stop thinking too much and just live.

First, a couple of sad things. B said he has a new friend at school and he told him something that might help him. B showed me a rubber band on his wrist and said that his friend wears a rubber band and when ever he thinks about his parents divorce he pull the rubber band back and flips his wrist, hard. What?! We had a little discussion about not hurting yourself. Hitting yourself is just as bad as hitting someone else. You need to respect and love yourself blah, blah, blah.

This morning I talked to E and he said some crazy things about the church. He is really wandering in the midst of darkness, he is so confused and lost. It really broke my heart. I just say BEWARE. This can honestly happen to anyone. You just lose little by little and all of a sudden you are in complete darkness. And the problem is, you can't even tell that you are in darkness. :(

2010-09-02T10:04:00.002-06:00

You know... I have been thinking about the usefulness or purpose of this blog. I know I am sharing way too much information and I think that makes some people a little uncomfortable. The truth is, I don't mind some people knowing how I feel, I just don't want to have to say it out loud.

Also, it gives me a place to vent. To whine and complain. Super sorry it is such a downer. That has been another difficult part of this situation. I am tired of traumatizing others! I feel so bad for the shock and the horror that others experience. It is much easier to just not talk about it.

And don't think I haven't noticed how careful people are being with me. Hey, I am still me, you don't need to be careful. Just because of the sob-talking... I am mostly over that... and if not, it passes quickly. Susan and I had a good laugh about awkward conversations, I've had a few lately.

Here is a "sad" story. A lady in my ward takes R & L to school and I bring home her son. One day she called to say that her vehicle had broken down and could I take the kids to school. When I went to get her son, I was a little early, but they were just pulling in. She had remembered that her husband's car was at the base even though he was very far away, and she had gotten a ride to go get it. She offered to drive but I said that was fine I could wait. So, they run in and he changes his clothes. He comes back out and jumps in the van. Then she says, "Do you want me to go with you?" Of course, he does. So she decides she will just drive him to school herself. Hmmmm.

Earlier she had asked if E could take a look at her car. She has no idea about what is going on apparently, so I said I could give her his cell phone and she could ask. It turns out that she did ask and he went over that day after work and changed her spark plugs and cables. He had bought all of the parts and they totaled $46. When he was done she said, "Oh, I'm glad it was something easy to fix. Should I make the check out for $50?" She wanted to pay him $4!! He was in shock not only for the four dollars, but also because she thought it was something so easy; he told her to go ahead and make it out for $60. So he earned a whopping $14. I feel so bad because he is really trying not to spend money from his check. I have spent most of it on the house payment. He put in gas once... but that is it. So, he could have used a little extra money. Anywho, I say that's what he gets for not paying tithing. :) Ha, ha.

Today I asked him if he is eating. He said, "Why? Am I looking fatter?" Then I realized that his mom had probably bragged that she was going to fatten him up. She has always blamed me for not being able to fatten him up. I asked him and he said she had said that. I knew it. Good luck lady, that's what I say.

I bet it is really hard for him to be living there. They make him nuts. Ruddy has bought a 53 foot semi trailer to fill up and drive to Honduras. E has said many times how ridiculous it all is, that they will never be able to pay the "taxes" on the stuff they are hauling... or make it through Mexico. Today E mentioned that the giant trailer is right in front of the house.

That is probably why he hangs out here so much.

Part of me wants him to be punished for his choice, and not let him come here to enjoy the nice spirit in our home. But this morning I read this scripture in Mormon chapter 8:

19 For behold, the same that ^ajudgeth ^brashly shall be judged rashly again; for according to his works shall his wages be; therefore, he that smiteth shall be smitten again, of the Lord.

20 Behold what the scripture says—man shall not ^asmite, neither shall he ^bjudge; for judgment is mine, saith the Lord, and vengeance is mine also, and I will repay.

So, I will try and remain calm, not judge rashly and keep my children safe and happy. :) Love to all.

Numb or Clueless

2010-09-01T21:36:00.002-06:00

Just as an FYI for all y'all. Things are just the same as they were last week. E comes every morning to take B and S to school. Then he comes back and usually eats some cereal and hangs out until he goes to work. After work he generally comes over, helps around the house a little, helps gets the kids to bed and then leaves. (Is that spelling correct? All I can see are green leafy plants... leaves... brain is sleepy.)

I find myself trying not to think or feel, just to live day by day. I am trying to give my children more positive attention and make sure they feel loved.

Other than that, nothing new.

Soccer and Sunday

2010-08-30T14:49:00.004-06:00

Soccer has begun. We now have 4 children playing, but at least they are on 3 different teams. This week they played at 3 different parks and thankfully at different times. They were all so excited, it was adorable. E was late for the game and R played the first quarter before he got there. She ran and hustled and had so much fun. I was so relaxed and enjoyed watching the sheer joy in her. The other two quarters she played she held back a little, I am not sure if it was because she was tired or she was tired of getting kicked... but she wasn't quite as aggressive. Little L on the other hand was a go-getter. She stayed aggressive the whole time, just fighting her way into the mob around the ball. She ran and ran and ran. It was hilarious, because I thought she would be much more timid.

S got to play plenty. She is the only brown haired girl on the team, all of the rest are blonds. So odd to me. But S ran and ran, made a goal and enjoyed herself immensely. I do worry about her "needy-ness" with everyone. It is like she is always trying to charm everyone, and she is usually successful, but I just worry about her.

I was so nervous for B and his game I was almost sick. E is not a great sports parent, he is one of those embarrassing dads that is always too hard on his kids. He is coaching B this year so it could go either way. Thankfully the game went great. It was very equally matched, there are a lot of good players on B's team and they pulled off a win. Whew. B seemed ecstatic after the game but then it wore off and he decided it is just okay. I was so relieved!

E stayed around all day Saturday. He keeps falling asleep at our house. I feel kind of bad for him. I can't imagine what it would be like living with his family in Brigham. In the late afternoon he started working on B's bike with him. At five o'clock I had to finally say, "We have to go." He wanted to know where and I told him we had a BBQ to go to. I still feel bad not inviting him. I know, I know... but I still feel bad, he is making such poor choices. So off we went to the BBQ and we had a great time!

Sunday was fine. I am getting better at getting the kids ready by myself day after day. In a way it is easier knowing that it is all on me. Before I had this secret hope that E could help out and do some of the work. Now I know I have just got to get it done. So, off to church and Primary... Primary went well. I think the most difficult challenge will be when teachers don't show up. Another challenge will be trying to change anything, because everyone is so used to how things are run.

Fiddly-dee. Church is hard.

Humiliation

2010-08-27T11:40:00.002-06:00

Stupid, stupid, stupid E. Why must I suffer this humiliation over and over and over? Whenever someone else finds out one of the first things they say is, "Why?" Of course one wants to know why E left or semi left, because he is still here all of the time. However, I am not the one to ask. It was his decision. I am not going to enumerate his sins or shortcomings, that is rather personal and it really isn't my place. I would also rather not make a list of things "wrong" with me: too fat, nag to much, not that great in bed, spend too much money on chocolate and books, force him to pay tithing, do not love spending time with my in-laws... the list could go on and on. But, I don't think that is a really healthy way to think right now. So, please don't ask me why... you can give him a call and ask him. If you don't have his cell phone number I can hook you up with that.

Another humiliation came just now at the kids school. We filled out the Free/Reduced lunch form before school started and qualified for reduced lunch. Slightly humiliating in and of itself, but hey, we are grateful for the help. Then when E left I went in and filled out a new form thinking that maybe we qualify for free lunch. So, today the girl says we are out of lunch money for all of the kids. "Are you sure?" I ask, dreading the explanation that will have to come from me in moments. She then asked me if I had filled out the form. "Yes, and we qualified for reduced lunch the first time I filled it out." She starts typing on her computer and finds that they have been charging us the full price for lunch, that our qualification for reduced lunch had never been entered. Then I must continue... "Then my husband left us," I hear myself saying in a very public place, "and so I filled out another form with just my income." Her expression of surprise and pity is one I am getting very familiar with as she whispered she was sorry and asks if we are okay. That is when the true humiliation continues because the almost sob-talking begins, "No, we aren't, but can you check and make sure she got the second form?" I try to get it all out before I turn and make my speedy exit. It just isn't fair. Not fair, not fair, not fair.

Better Day

2010-08-25T21:05:00.002-06:00

Deep breath.... and release. Today was a better day. E came by for the kids in the morning. I have been pretty impressed that he can get here so early because before he couldn't even roll out of bed to get them to school on time. I still feel like I have to be ready just in case he doesn't get here early enough. I feel guilty, but I am so grateful for even that little help of him taking them to school in the morning. Tuesday night he also stayed and bathed the girls while I worked. Just a little help goes a long ways.

Today I went out to dinner with the recently released Relief Society presidency. We always went out to eat for each of our birthdays and Pam thought we should go out one last time. She has been so great and so amazing, I am really going to miss talking to her all of the time. I sent all of the kids off to B's futbol practice with their papa and just ran away for awhile.

I had fed them quesadillas before the practice but they were all hungry by the time I got home around eight. The great mom that I am, I told them they could eat in the morning! No wonder they are all skin and bones. We also did zero homework tonight.... actually R did her homework, which is ironic because she is usually the only one who refuses to work. Everything is topsy turvy. I feel so guilty because I just can't wait to get them in bed.

B had is regular breakdown before bed. Today he said that he knew I hated him. He really is hurting inside, but I sure don't want the blame. Not fair, I say. I try to get him to put his feelings into words but he only comes out with crazy statements like, "Why don't you just get rid of me?" I must get him into counseling. Tonight I made him say a prayer and I made him hug me. His favorite thing is for me to come lay by him in his bed for awhile, so I think that helped him calm down a bit. B could use any extra prayers lying around out there.

I am so full. We ate at Iggy's, delish, and I am stuffed. It could also be the box of cookies I ate earlier. Must stay in control. What I need to do is fast again. :) A good fast will straighten things out.

I got a lot of work done today. It felt good, being productive. Thank goodness I have such a great job.

If you are yearning for a little tear in your eye listen to the song "Bring It Back" by Kris Allen. It is on my itunes play list and it made me a little sad today.

Oh, I started asking for the random favors today. :) Mary called and said she was going shopping and did I need anything. I asked her to keep an eye out for two coin purses. R and L are supposed to have a coin purse for school. Their teacher gives them pennies as positive reinforcement and at the end of each month the kids have a class store. Anywho, I haven't gone to the store in forever... so Mary found me some coin purses today. :)

I hear the neighbor putting out the trash. Bummer, I forgot. We shall see if I remember in the morning. Have a great night!

Too Hard

2010-08-24T21:44:00.002-06:00

This is too hard. I don't want to do it anymore. I want life to go back to what it was like back in the good ole days. I had quite a few break downs today. I am getting tired of having to tell people that E doesn't live here any more. And the sad thing is, it has only just begun! Only a hand full of people who live here even know. Bother.

Today when E came by to see the kids I just broke into tears and said, "I don't think I can talk to you today," as I ran upstairs to the bathroom. S came in and wanted to know why I was crying. R came in and asked if I was sad because Papa didn't live with us anymore. It is uncanny how in touch with things she is!

I am just feeling beat down. This is too hard.

Now I must go off to watch Covert Affairs and pretend like I could have been a great CIA agent if I had only thought of that career path sooner. :)

Thank You

2010-08-23T21:37:00.004-06:00

A shout out to all those who have been so great to me. People are being very kind. I find it funny that everyone wants to help. Not that I wouldn't want their help, just that the greatest help of all would be to fix everything, and they can't do that. So, my mind always goes blank when I try and think of something else they can do for me.

Hey, I should just start asking for random things... like maybe I need someone to fold my laundry everyday. That would be dreamy. :) Or maybe someone could power wash my house. Funny, to me at least.

I couldn't sleep last night. I woke up around 1 a.m. and slept fitfully after that, awake most of the time. I try so hard to turn my brain off and just breathe... but my darn brain keeps getting in the way. During the night I felt myself getting sick. Burning in the lungs with each breath and shallow breathing. It also felt like the mucus was building up right then as well. I could hear L hacking up a lung downstairs and R woke up in the night with cough and a stuffy nose.

So when I tried to wake up B this morning for school and he said he didn't feel good (which he says pretty much every day) I just went with it. I told him to go back to bed and I let the girls sleep in. No school today, they just laid around and watched TV all day. I got in quite a nap today as well, it was amazing how much better I felt afterward. I was able to get a lot of work done in the late afternoon.

So E came by today and couldn't open the garage. He asked if I had changed the code and I said yes. "That's why I couldn't get it open," he says without anger or maybe even the understanding that I did it to make him knock. I guess my life is just surreal, I am walking around in a daze all the time.

Dad called again today. The last time he called he was so nice. I was sobbing so hard I couldn't even say words... just grunt. He asked if I could talk better today and made a joke about knowing how I felt when I couldn't get the words out. When I thanked him for his previous call and told him how much it meant to me to hear that he was behind me all the way he said, "Well, it was just the right thing to do so I did it." I still remember him saying, "I just knew something was wrong, I knew it, I just knew it!" And today when I told him that I was just surviving from day to day he said that's how he lived too. Poor guy.

Yesterday I fasted for E, for him to wake up and recognize what he is doing. It made me a little uncomfortable. I guess I am afraid to get my hopes up. But that is what fasting is for, right? I could really use an instruction manual.

The familia Lucas brought us dinner tonight. Originally they had invited us to go and eat at their house, but I thought I should probably stop dragging my sick kids around infecting the world. They are so kind.

Yesterday we (RS) had an activity set up to go out to the Veteran's Nursing Home. I took all the kids and the minute I heard L cough I realized that we were going to cause the death of at least one person there by introducing some new strain of something. Bother. Another thing to feel guilty about. I also couldn't sleep last night because I had held a baby last night at a BBQ and I thought how horrible it would be if I had infected her. Bother.

Hey, I also dreamed about B's principal catching me in a lie. I was so tired in my dream that my stories weren't matching up and she started questioning me as if I were in a court of law. Rude. I so don't like to lie.

Well, tomorrow is the day I start teaching. Wish me luck, health and a pleasant voice.

Goodnight!

2010-08-22T21:57:00.001-06:00

I am so exhausted today! Today was hard.

Church

2010-08-22T13:41:00.003-06:00

So, church was pretty somehow today. It was hard getting out the door, as usual, but I thought I 'd better be there for the announcement of the callings at least. It is so difficult not to lose my temper when I have all of the girls ready, buttoned, teeth brushed, hair done and headed out to the van... and I open B's door to find him sitting and organizing his Pokemon cards. He still had to brush teeth, comb hair and get shoes and socks on. I must admit I raised my voice a little.

I know B is in such a difficult place. For about the last six months he has been talking back so much and fighting everything we ask him to do. He also always says things like, "Maybe you should just throw me out with the trash." So, I know he is hurting....

Anywho, at church the opening hymn was "Have I Done Any Good in the World Today?" and it just annoyed me. Bad sign. Then they released us and I had to stand. I found that I was about to lose it so I had to stare at a spot on the wall above everyone's head. I knew that in moments they were going to announce that I was being put in as the Primary President and I didn't know if my legs would hold me up. I stood and made zero eye contact and was so grateful I was in the front of the room so only a few rows could turn to look at me.

After sitting down I had a little break down. Cried a little, then pulled myself together. Then, just as an extra special test made just for me, Science Hater (a guy in my ward) got up to speak. He talked about making it to the Celestial Kingdom as a couple. That if you made it there alone you would be a ministering angel. That was his topic. He went on and on about how you cannot be exalted alone. Thanks. Just what I needed.

I was gearing myself up for the end of sacrament meeting. I thought I was ready but the girl right behind me was really nice and said she knew I would do such a great job in my calling. She said the Spirit had been really strong during that part of the meeting. Huh, guess I missed that with the trying not to make eye contact and all. But her kind words brought on another break down. I knew I couldn't talk to anyone! So I went to Bonnie and sobbed out a request... if she could help get my kids to Primary. I went out the closest door and found myself in the Stake Offices. It turned out to be the perfect hiding place. :)

Of course L wouldn't go without me and had to be brought to me in tears. There was a mystery voice that called out "Julie" as I was running away, so whoever the owner of that voice is has been offended today. Bummer.

By the time RS came around I had it together again and was able to go in and sit up front smiling and nodding.

Only one of my new counselors was there today. The other two don't even know yet. So, good times ahead. Wish me luck.

2010-08-21T18:40:00.002-06:00

So, I finally hung a variety of things on the wall today. We had a tree and tree house picture made with all of our hand prints and I hung the crocheted "Castellon" that Janett made us. I also hung some framed pressed wildflowers that I have had since I taught on the rez! Everything looks really nice.

E took down the two extra satellites we had hanging on our house. Nice. Then all the kids went to play at a neighbors so we talked for a minute. He acts like everything is normal when he talks to any one (like our neighbor). I asked him if he was embarrassed and didn't want them to know or if he was just going to leave it to me to tell everyone. He pulled the "why does everyone need to know our personal business" card again. So, I guess I will have to tell everyone. Annoying.

Before he left he said he'd see us tomorrow. I said, "Uh, why?" He answered, "Church." I just shook my head. He said, "Okay, if you don't want me to come to church with you than that is fine." So he said he would see us next Wednesday for sure for B's soccer practice.

I told him about the website that explains how to do divorce in Utah. We have to take two classes in order to file for divorce, so we are going to have to schedule that. He said he would look at the site.

After he had left I changed the garage door signal, so in theory his car shouldn't open it any more. Last night I mentioned to Steve that I didn't know how and he found me an answer on yahoo.answers.com. Thanks Steve. I hate to think how he will feel when he tries to open the garage door. I feel sad, but this was his choice. I don't know...

2010-08-21T11:33:00.002-06:00

The twins had their first soccer practice this morning at 9 a.m. I am really working on getting everyone out of the house without me having a conniption each time. Hasn't happened yet. So, we were late and still trying to find socks and shoes and E calls to ask where the field is. I tried to politely mention how busy I was trying to get out of the house, for Pete's sake!

We met R & L's coach, such a nice guy. I think they are going to have a blast. You know what just occurred to me, maybe Heavenly Father sent R down with L so she always has someone to be on her team, someone to walk into school with etc. I never know how clinging L is going to be, but she did really well today, and I know it helps so much to have R there with her.

I am freaking out a little because there are four different soccer fields! E will always be with B because he is his coach, so I am praying that S and R&L never have any games at the same time scheduled for different fields. Oh, goodness. The madness starts next Saturday.

E has taken R & L to buy their football boots (cleats). B went to a soccer camp this summer and his coach was from Scotland. He made little jokes about our soccer terminology here in the states, like you don't kick the ball with your socks (soccer), you kick it with your foot (football). Every since B really enjoys using the terminology of Europe just for fun.

The Bishop called and said he had a really nice visit with E last night... and that he would still like me to be in the Primary. I feel better about it, so I said okay. It will force me to go to church every week :) and I will be with the kids the whole time. L already had issues going into Primary every week, so at least I will be in there in case things get worse. Can you even imagine L crying more and being more clingy? Hard to believe... but....

Now to work with me. I must get everything ready before school starts on Monday!

2010-08-20T22:27:00.002-06:00

Elder's Quorum Grill-a-thon was fabuloso last night. We were one of the stops with street tacos, delicioso as well. Awkward when E showed up. He chatted away with everyone like nothing is any different. It is so weird. He still drives away at night and leaves me to put the kids to bed etc.

He agreed to go and talk to the Bishop tonight. I didn't ask how it went or what was said. He was pretty feisty this morning. He came by to take the kids to school, then I gave him a ride to get the tires put on his car. I asked if wanted to start the process for a divorce and he snapped at me, "If I am not living with you it is because I don't want to be with you anymore." So, that's a yes, right?

After school I had to run down to SL for back to school night. I just took the kids with me. When we were on our way home he called and wondered where we were, if we had gone just for fun, when we would be back... He was at the house when we got home. He said he was going to get some stuff out of the garage. Then he took the van and washed it and vacuumed it inside. Very kind... but why? Then some friends came over so he stayed to chat with them. They invited us to go on a double date with them and he was like, "Okay, give us a call." When they left I asked why he didn't just tell people, was he just going to leave it all to me to have to tell everyone? He said, "Why does everyone have to know our private lives?"

I have seen him more this week than I have the last couple of months. He had gotten in the habit of just going up the room and staying there when he got home from work. I do not get him.

Part of me wants to change the locks and set all of his stuff outside. The other part would like to keep things civil just in case he shapes up. What to do, what to do...?!

2010-08-19T11:58:00.002-06:00

You know, it was really quite nice going to bed last night. For over a year I have had to try to go to sleep with the lights on or beg him to go to sleep too. We have stayed up way too late. Last night I was able to go to bed around 10:30 p.m. I woke up at about 6:30 a.m. feeling rested. I knew everything was on me so there was no need to wish that he would help with anything.

I did yoga. Cleaned up the flower bed and some branches in the yard. Put the trash out. Got a lot done before 8 a.m. It felt nice. :)

We used to joke about how nice it was to sleep alone in the bed when one of us was gone. We could spread out and not worry. This morning he asked me how I had slept and my answer was just, "Good." Then he tried to make a joke about how great it must have been to have the whole bed to myself. "This isn't a joke to me," I said. "I am trying to be calm, but it isn't funny to me."

2010-08-19T09:49:00.002-06:00

So, he is taking his own sweet time "moving out." Tuesday he said he was leaving. He spent forever getting a few clothes together.

I asked him to tell the kids before they went to bed. He wanted to just leave and let me explain in the morning. We set all of the kids down and he told them he wasn't going to live with us anymore. It was pretty horrible. Brigham couldn't stop crying for a couple of hours. I felt like I had to pick up the pieces... I went around and tucked them into bed, said prayers with all of them, let them talk if they wanted or just hold them for a while. It was pretty ugly.

Turns out he spent the next three hours working on his car because the trunk wouldn't open. We decided he could sleep here and I left him a pillow and a blanket on the couch. I tried to go to sleep around 11:30 p.m. but I just tossed and turned for hours. I just kept reliving all that I had seen and all that he had said to me. It just repeated and repeated in my head. I didn't fall asleep until almost 3 a.m.

We woke up and the kids were so excited that he was still here. Just more confusing for them I think. He took kids to school and said he would see us after work. I thought he was coming back for more stuff.

He breezed in after work, opened the garage, walked right in like nothing was different. He told B he was going to take him to scouts. So, after washing his car he took him to the Spanish Branch for scouts. I can just imagine him talking and laughing with our old friends while I am at home doing homework, cleaning, working and getting everything ready for tomorrow.

Later he came back in, talked to the kids for awhile, ate some food and left. He said his trunk was full and he couldn't take anymore with him. He still has most of his clothes hanging in the closet. All of his drawers are full.

This morning I woke up early to clean the yard a little and get the trash out for trash day before I had to take the kids to school. I got them all ready, fed, clean.... everyone to the van and off to school. We came back home and about 10 minutes later I hear the garage open. In he walks and says he can take them to school, a little too late buddy.

I feel so angry because this is just what he has always wanted. He can come and go without explanation. He doesn't have to do one thing around the house. He doesn't have to help get the kids ready for bed or ready for school. He doesn't have to take care of laundry or pick up one toy. He doesn't have to take the trash out or take care of the rabbits. He can sweep in and talk to the kids if he'd like but no worries about finishing homework or making sure they bathe. Free and easy.

I have really tried not to say mean things, though occasionally something slips out. This morning I said that if he was going to leave us, he needed to do it. Not just half way. He comes back with, "I thought I could visit the kids. I didn't think you were going to be all crazy about it." I said I thought he shouldn't just open the garage and walk on in, that he should start knocking on the door. He said, "Oh, you want me to give you a call ahead of time, too?" sarcastically.

We also have an Elder's Quorum activity in the backyard tonight. He mentioned that he thought he would come by to eat. Grrrreeaaaat.

Part of me want him to know that he is welcome to come back home if he will change and live close to the Lord. The other part of me feels like he is taking advantage of the situation and I would like to make it hard on him. Who knows.

Last but not least, I finally called the Bishop. Poor guy was speechless. I just told him a tiny bit of what was going on. He was taken completely by surprise. He said, "Now, I didn't know anything about this." I told him that we kind of just kept our problems to ourselves. Bishop had asked me to be Primary President on Sunday, he was going to announce it this Sunday. I asked him if he could just think about it and wrap his head around what was going on, then give me a call later. He just stammered and stuttered, "Sure, sure."

I'd better get to work. Sure has been a hard week to get any work done.

2010-08-19T08:48:00.002-06:00

I am hoping that writing this will help me clear my mind a little. Feel free to throw out advice if you have any.

We had four kids in three years. That is a lot of crying, so many demands for attention, constant work/effort. There is no time for yourself when you have so many babies to take care of. We have been "fighting" about the exact same things for the last four years. He doesn't want me to "order" him around, which I call asking him to help out around the house. Our intimacy hasn't been that great but I think it is because I am always so exhausted and he thinks it is because I was made wrong.
I really noticed him feeling "angry" with the church when he started counting tithing as part of his calling. We were really struggling financially because I wasn't working and he was only making about $15 an hour. Somehow we still paid our bills, kept our house and food on the table.... and our credit card debt kept increasing. He could see us paying our tithing and knew who didn't. He also had to make out the checks from the church to help members pay their bills etc. We argued often because he thought we should just have the church pay our bills since they were paying everybody else's.
During that time he also started into other problems...
Then I was Relief Society President before the twins were even in nursery. Hard times. After leaving the Spanish Branch they put him counting tithing in the English ward and they put me back in the Relief Society presidency. Now he saw people paying thousands of dollars in tithing, and that annoyed him too.
All these years I have had to force the issue of family prayer, Family Home Evening and scripture study. If I didn't ask him to pray with me each night, he never would have prayed. He stopped reading scriptures ages ago. It is my opinion that reading, praying etc. helped me get through each day and see the good in our kids, in him and in our situation. He has changed so much since we got married.
I really wish we would have spent more time going on dates. At first it was just way too expensive to get a baby sitter. Later we rarely had a free weekend and it was hard to find someone who could take care of our kids. I also felt so guilty leaving the kids with someone else for very long because it was a lot of work and I felt like it was my responsibility to care for them.
Last year I started working and I often worked 10 hours a day. I begged for more and more help around the house. I had to work every Saturday and Sunday. Work, work, work. That was not good for the family.

Dogs!

2010-06-14T18:45:00.002-06:00

I really hate dogs. I am not sure why, but I do know that I hate dogs more with every passing year. My neighbors to the side have two dogs, the neighbors behind me another two dogs. As a matter of fact, every one around me has dogs!

I just went outside because the annoying Chihuahua in the house behind us was barking at our yard. I thought Cricket was barking at my kids so I marched out there to give him the what for. Come to find out there is this giant yellow dog in my yard! I start shoo-ing it, but to no avail. It just barks back at me like he owns the place. I picked up a stick and started chasing after it yelling, "This is MY house!" He politely ran out our back gate and stood in the street barking at me.

A neighbor from the circle was walking to the owners to let them know their dog was out and she called out, "That is a mean dog Julie!" Oh, great, me the biggest dog baby there is and I have just made an enemy of the neighbors mean dog. Finally the guy came out with a leash to catch his dog and take it home. That is never a good sign, that they have to bring a leash. To me that says the dog will not obey and if it were trying to kill me, the guy could do nothing about it.

Back to the annoying Chihuahua Cricket, they also have a new puppy named Cashew. Cricket and Cashew also think our house is theirs... su casa es mi casa is how they roll. Cashew's chew toys are always in our yard. Yesterday I saw the neighbor boy (he is 18... but still a boy) throw his toy over our fence to the dog in our yard. Hello! The dog should not be in our yard in the first place. If my girls leave their shoes out, Cashew comes over and chews them to bits.

Dogs also love to leave gifts, feces gifts, all over our yard. I tell you what, the dog hatred in me is ready to explode. One time I was sitting on our patio with the neighbors and they were kind of laughing about how poorly behaved the dogs are. They bark at everyone that goes by, and chase them down the street. The wife said, "You are going to have to start tying them up." Well, derr... they shouldn't be loose in the first place!

Last dog story. Yesterday we were at a friends and they have a big nice house dog. Well, this girl had left her plate on the table, sandwich on the plate, and she ran to the bathroom. While gone, the dog leaned up and started licking the sandwich! Eeeewwwww. I showed my husband and he told the friends but when they turned to look the dog was just looking at the sandwich. So they just told her to get down. I was a little uncomfortable with the situation and I didn't want to call out, "Your dog is so gross, it was licking the sandwich." So, I decided to just wait and tell the girl, who was also a visitor, when she came out of the bathroom.

Today, I realize that I forgot! I don't know if she ate the rest or if she threw it away or what. But, horror of horrors, the only one that knew the dog had licked her sandwich didn't have the nerve to announce the fact. What guilt!

So, is it any wonder why I hate dogs? Really?

I Believe in Fairies!

2010-05-07T16:36:00.003-06:00

.... as S and B came in the house arguing, this is what I heard...
B: Oh, come on.
S: I have a fairy costume.
B: Please don't put it on!
S: I believe in fairies.
B: You can believe in them but nothing is going to happen.
.... fades out because they went outside. Then I hear S stamp her foot and yell, "I want to be a fairy!"

I'm Ba-ack

2010-05-07T13:20:00.004-06:00

It is no secret that my kids are not the best eaters in the world. Our girls eat occasionally, if they feel like it. Leah actually had to write something she didn't like to do for school and she said, "I don't like to eat a lot of food."

Last Sunday I made crock pot chicken and some yummy rice for dinner. Of course there was much lamenting and sorrow and many requests for cold cereal. I fought with them for a while then left the fight to Elias. He got angry and shared his tortured childhood with the kids. "When I was young sometimes we only had a tortilla with salt to eat. Many times I had to go to bed hungry, I would have given anything to eat chicken and rice." So, he decided as a punishment if the kids wouldn't eat their chicken and rice, they would have to eat a tortilla with salt.

Turns out that the kids were thrilled. So, E decided he would give it to them cold. Kids still happy. They all dug into their cold, dry, corn tortilla and gobbled it right up.

2009-07-25T16:42:00.002-06:00

And now... Deep Thoughts....

I've been thinking about things that I would like to document. So the following is a jumble of thoughts or experiences:

I loved Larry Esplin's funeral. Everything from the pine casket with flannel lining to the juniper and his hat worked into the casket spray. I loved the talks and I remember thinking I wished it would just go on and on. All of the fun stories about Larry's life were amazing and it is so fun to watch my nephews and my brother-in-law retell those stories with pride. Tim's talk was amazing. I was so touched by him talking about how much he wanted to be like his father and all the things he did, like joining the military, to try and be like him. In the end Tim realized that what he loved about his father couldn't be acheived by just experiences in life, but they were core parts of his personality. I recognize that it has been a while since the funeral and I am not quoting Tim very well, but hopefully I can still make the point. As I listened to Tim, I thought about how much he had changed since I had first met him and I could see him becoming more and more like what he admired in his father. It was truly beautiful.

What a great family those Esplins are! They have been so good to me. After that fateful day in Blanding, sitting at the kitchen table... I mentioned how excited I was to see everyone coming home for Thanksgiving and Donna "mentioned" how much she disliked the idea. Whenever we all got together we all just sat around and talked instead of helping and she ended up doing all of the work. She probably had a point but I felt like she had just thrown a bucket of cold water in my face. I told her not to worry about it and I would let everyone know they weren't welcome. From that day on, I tried not to ever go home for any holidays. Since I was single, I really didn't know what to do. Susan and Richard filled right in and I spent every Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter since that fateful day with them. I used to spend every 4th of July in Sigurd and I traveled to Sigurd or Orderville on many weekends. When I got married it was super traumatic to change the course of things. Still haven't quite gotten used to it. But, my point was, the Esplins have just adopted me and have always been so kind and accepting. I love them all and admire so many things about them and their families.

Blogging is so theraputic. I believe I could just type and type and type, except there are a few other demands on my time. So, more to come later in Deep Thoughts....

Clueless

2009-06-11T10:56:00.002-06:00

I am grateful at times for my clueless-ness. Here are a couple of examples:

It never occured to me that Adam Lambert was homosexual. I did wish he didn't paint his nails black and the guy-liner was always joked about... but really... gay? Clueless!

The other day we went to the library and I saw a couple of teen age girls dressed alike. First thought was maybe they were twins... They both had their hair pulled back into fancy bun/pony tails and they were wearing matching red t-shirts. Later I saw another girl with them that was dressed just the same. Looking closer I realized they were just all wearing the exact same shirt. A red shirt club. Then a memory of when I was substituting this last year a girl gang would wear matching blue shirts to school, I teased them and asked them if they were in a club, acting like I had no idea they were a gang. It only took me a minute to realize that I was looking at their rival gang, the reds vs. the blues. Clueless!

Comedy of Errors

2009-06-08T13:06:00.002-06:00

We were down to our last roll of toilet paper (I really try not to let that happen! But at the same time I have been trying to stay out of the store to save money...). I went into the bathroom and Leah was standing on the toilet, reaching over to the sink playing in the water. She had peed right on the roll of toilet paper.

I left the clothes in the washer over night... so the next day I did a quick rinse with some Arm and Hammer Washing Soda, then dried them. Apparently I forgot to change the washer back to the wash cycle and the next few batches I thought I was washing, I was just putting through a quick rinse! I washed a batch of my own clothes like that and all of the kids' sheets and blankets. Their beds are already remade and will stay that way until the next washing.

S and hair! She wanted just a pony tail for church yesterday so I told her I would do a tiny pony tail. I just took a little hair and pulled it back, leaving most of the hair down. She looked in the mirror and decided that she didn't look beautiful like that, so she added a bow (brown and pink... her dress was black and gold). When we were walking in to church she saw her reflection in the door and wasn't pleased. She wanted to move the bow to one side. We were late for church and I just wanted to run in and sit down! She kept whining about her hair and the pony tail and the bow all through the opening hymn, prayer, announcements, sacrament hymn... She pulled her pony tail out a ways then pulled it tight again, leaving random strands of hair puffing up all over the top of her head. I had to threaten her with losing her fairy book to make her go sit by her father and leave me out of the mess.

Adventures from April 3rd to April 7th

2009-04-22T17:25:00.019-06:00

I am so glad we went to Rebekah's baptism, it turned into a great adventure for our little family! We traveled down to Orderville after school on a Friday and made it just after 6 pm. The baptism was at 7 p.m. so we made it just right. Jacob baptized Rebekah, how cute is that? Just as cute as Christopher baptizing Zachary and Kaber baptizing Isaac. : )

My kids love going to Orderville. So many things to see and do... plenty of real animals. : ) After loads of fun we traveled down to St. George and stayed with Ticee for a minute. We got to take Dad with us. He had been in Orderville for the baptism, too. I loved watching how Ticee treated Dad. She gives him the attention and respect that not only he deserves, but I think he craves it as well. She is a good little example, that girl.

After St. George began the crazy adventure to Blanding to take Dad home! If you remember when I came to college my freshman year with Melissa Richmond, we took our own sweet time and stopped everywhere on the way (sorry Susan and Richard, who were waiting for us). This trip with Dad was just the same. What a great time. Our first stop was Glen Canyon Dam. The kids loved it and I bought them all a book about the Rez, the desert and Native Americans.

There is nothing like driving across the Rez. I love the feel of the Rez, I love the flood of memories and the flood of love I felt for the people I remember. Ahhhh....

Our next stop was the National Navajo Monument. As we drove by I asked Dad what it was. He said there was a walk to a nice ruin, but he had never been there. We have both driven by a million times but have never stopped! We turned right around and drove the nine miles out to the monument. It was a fun hike/walk down to a overlook. All along the way were signs identifying plants and the way Native Americans used them, yucca, buffalo berry, pinion, juniper, Brigham tea... The trail led to a look out and we could see an amazing ruin set back in the rock. It is called Betatakin and is made up of a number of rooms. My favorite part of the walk was see three Navajo men who had hiked down a different trail to collect a plant. I was so close to asking them which plant it was and what they were going to use it for, but I chickened out. I still dream of studying ethno-botany.

We bought little birds for the kids at the Monument. They brought about an unexpected pleasantry for the Biologist mother. The rest of the trip the kids were searching for birds. We were able to identify a number of birds, and to this day the affect has not worn off. We still do bird watching as a family. : )
Next stop came in Kayenta. My mouth had been watering for frybread for hours. Luckily I saw a bill board for "Amigos" restaurant with a Navajo Taco on it. I was determined to go there and buy some fry bread. The restaurant was a little dive, I felt lucky to find it. I went in and they made my two pieces of frybread. DELICIOSO! We all gobbled it up, even Leah!

Next dream of mine was to buy some jewelery. I found a stand around Monument Valley and I bought a bracelet for all of the girls, an arrow head for B, and necklaces, bracelets and earrings for me. Yippee! We drove through Monument Valley at the perfect time, the lighting was beautiful.

Our next stop came at Mexican Hat. The kids loved it. It is amazing. Equally amazing was how well the kids were behaving. They were enjoying the stops more than Dad and I were!

We were driving along talking about hieroglyphics and I told Dad I hadn't ever seen any! He gasped in disbelief and told me to slow down... and turn right here. We were at Sand Island and went to look and the petroglyphs or pictographs... (Someone in the know, please help me with the proper terminology.) A tender mercy that we just happened to be driving in that exact spot that very moment.

After Sand Island came Bluff. I mention the memories of Melissa's birthday when we thought we were so grown up. We went on a little river rafting expedition from Bluff to Sand Island, all by ourselves!

It was hilarious to drive those, what, maybe four miles. But we had fun back in the day. In Bluff Dad showed us a ruin they were excavating right in town. Impressive. And we just had to stop at Twin Rocks for the perfect photo opportunity.

The turn offs to go to Mussi tugged at my heart strings. Crazy as it may be, I really do miss the Rez. It was fun to tell the kids that we "helped" get the chapel at White Mesa. It really is such a tiny little thing. I enjoyed our time there while Dad was Branch President.

I couldn't believe it when we finally made it Blanding, only 10 hours after we had started. I was very nervous about going to the "big house," but I cowboyed up and just did it. Cardon thought there wasn't any food in the house and offered to go and buy something, but we were able to rustle up some grub out of the floor to ceiling cupboard that were full and the special shelves downstairs that roll the cans down, also full. We ended up sleeping on the couch and the floor, mostly because I was nervous about sleeping in any of the empty beds for fear of any fall out.

The next morning we fed the horses with Dad and he took us to the Lance Site. It marks the summer and winter solstice and the equinoxes. It also marks the 5th of April. Dad took his photo album to show us examples of the light and shadow on significant days. He makes a great guide.

This handsome brave casts a shadow on this specific place on the rock. Blast, I can't remember on which day. Any who, it was quite spectacular. After a sighting of a Mountain Bluebird, (R's bird) and stopping to check out where Jim Mike and Billy Mike had their summer home back in the day... we hit the car wash. I was exhausted after the drive home. Oh, but I must mention that the antelope didn't let me down. For as long as I remember, I have always seen at least one antelope between Crescent Junction and Green River. Even though it was tiring, it was so worth it. I need to remember not to let opportunities pass me by. Memory Making for the kids is on my head for now.

2009-04-01T17:02:00.004-06:00

Kids say the darnedest things...

L: We are playing Lego "Indian" Jones

The other day I told E that he was HOT. The kids all laughed and dared each other to touch him. S was the bravest, she walked right up and touched his sleeve. R gathered up her courage and timidly reached out her hand. L finally let E touch her hand. None of them were burned too badly. Then this morning L says, "'member when Papa was hot? That was funny."

On another topic, apparently I washed and dried my cell phone. I actually heard the clunking as I started up the dryer but we were on our way out the door and I just thought to myself as I walked away, "I wonder if there is a shoe or something in the dryer?" Der... So, the phone won't turn on. Go figure. I had to wait a couple of weeks before I could talk about it. E didn't hear about it for a few days. If anyone has called my cell, sorry I couldn't answer. I didn't even call to find out my options until today. We were with Qwest and they said we could skip out on our last year of our contract if we moved over to Verizon. So now Verizon is sending me a free phone and I am under a two year contract again. I really hate contracts, but what else could I do... it is a free phone. I feel pretty blessed I didn't have to go out and buy a new phone.

Yesterday it occurred to me that S's school uniform will be a little more complicated than B's. I think it might be harder to find collared shirts with no decoration in white, navy and hunter green. Also khaki pants might be harder to find. What about skirts, jumpers, leggings, tights. We'd better get started! Apparently I felt it keenly because I dreamed about it last night. Little S showed up for her first day of school wearing an orange top and a flower print skirt... and we forgot the camera!! I couldn't believe I forgot to take pictures of her on her first day of school. Trauma. We are going to start looking for her uniform right away.

Over the last month I have searched for any Easter dresses with sleeves and finally ordered them online. I have been to Walmart, Target, Old Navy etc. and went to all of them online as well as Children's Place and many others. It is almost impossible to find a dress with sleeves! Here is what kohls.com said about the dressed I ordered:

Pretty as a flower. She'll be ready for any occasion in this girls' dress and shrug set. In coral/pink.
Floral dress offers sweet styling.
Ribbon belt provides fashionable flair.
Shrug makes the perfect layering piece.
Details:
2-piece set
Set includes: short-sleeved dress & long-sleeved shrug
Dress: cotton
Shrug: cotton/polyester
Machine wash
Imported

This is copied from the kohls.com website. Note that it says short-sleeved dress. I was ecstatic, really... They came in the mail this week and the are sleeveless!! Grrrr. I could have bought a sleeveless dress with a shrug from anywhere. So, what should I do about it now? Easter is upon us. At least it is freezing and the girls will want to wear the shrug. I know it isn't that big of deal, it's just that we have talked about modesty and they all know we should wear sleeves. Then for their mother to go out and buy them a dress with out sleeves... it is all just a little hypocritical. Grrr.

Fluffy

2009-03-27T10:40:00.003-06:00

We now have a rabbit, again. I should just admit to myself that I don't like having animals because 1) they stink and require mother (me) to clean up even more messes, and 2) they will eventually die... and it will probably be my fault. Too much death really gets me down.

So E apparently skipped out early on the adult meeting of Stake Conference. He said after one speaker mentioned Smith & Edwards one too many times in his talk about Emergency Preparedness, he just slipped out and went to IFA. Then he came home with a purebred French Angora rabbit. It is white with red eyes and very fluffly, hence its name. During my online research I discovered that you can harvest the wool and easily make your own yarn... so let me know if you are interested and I will send you the wool. I, myself, am not too interested in spinning yarn, not this year at least.

I am sitting here smelling it and must end to clean out the cage. I have decided to just clean it every stinking day to try and stay sane.

Did I mention I need to dust, vaccum, shower, get dressed and start getting lunch?

Oh, and I am applying for jobs for next year. I interviewed at B's school where I want to end up. I refuse to give up hope... I will keep hope alive clear into August. I am also applying at Ogden School District. Wish me luck. We need to start digging our way out of this hole we are in!

Lots or Love!

2009-03-23T13:44:00.002-06:00

So, the little ponds turned out great. Wish I could say the same for the fish! Eleven of the fifteen fish were dead by the next morning. In the mad rush of trying to get to B's school, I also had to go buy more fish. But all turned out well. : )

B's class gets to go to the Aquarium this week. I think that should be super fun for them.

Some lessons learned from my Sabbath. I am always too quick to judge, especially myself. It is such a freakish habit, I'm telling you. We rushed to 9 a.m. Stake Conference yesterday in the Tabernacle, where all the seats are comfortable. : ) We are always a little late and quickly found seats after the opening prayer. It ended up that we were sitting in front of a family with little girl twins. Of course I had to ask how old they were... They have a daughter who is almost 5 (just like our S), the twins barely turned 3 (almost a year younger than ours) and they have a baby boy of about 6 months. Immediately I started feeling guilty because there was no way we wanted to have another baby. If this unknown woman could do it... maybe I should have been willing to have more babies. This mother was also thin and beautiful.

It took me a few minutes to realize what I was doing. Why are we always so willing to compare ourselves with others?! I had to remind myself that we prayed plenty... and I am pretty old... and each family gets to make their own decisions. Embarrassingly enough, I was also glad that her kids were noisier than ours. Oh what joy to realize that they are improving and getting better at sitting still for hours. : )

The next time I judged myself was during the dedication of the Draper temple. One of the speakers mentioned that he explained to his grand daughters that the Celestial room represents the Celestial kingdom. I started right into a panic thinking that I hadn't explained that to our kids as we went through the open house! I am not teaching the gospel well enough at home, my children may never have strong testimonies... etc... Crazy woman. I am still trying to talk myself out of that one. I tried to talk to B about temples again last night before bed and on the way to school this morning. It's like I can't help my crazy self.

Anywho, my point being... Let's all be more gentle with ourselves. Yes, we should recognize our faults and work on them, but try not to feel guilty about every little thing. Now I am feeling guilty about feeling guilty all of the time. I do know that if we make a constant effort, the Lord can fill in where he needs to. Upward and onward!

2009-03-17T17:28:00.003-06:00

Oh to be able to express in words what just took place in my kitchen. I can't stop laughing, but I must. The children are a little suspicious that I am laughing at them, which, of course, is true...

I have been volunteer teaching Science in B's class to earn a few re-licensing points. Tomorrow we are building little ponds. We all have been out cruising pet shops buying fish, Anacharis (a water plant), rocks etc. So, we got home and I wanted to put the fish in a big container, I just have a large vase. During my efforts a poor little fish slipped right out of the bag and onto the counter. The kids were horrified to see it flopping, flopping. R was scared out of her wits as it flopped towards her. She screamed as she struggled to get off of the bar stool, the fish flailing ever closer.

I was trying to hand the bag with the other fourteen fish to B. "Hold the bag," I told him. It took me a couple of seconds to realize that he wasn't listening! The bag lay on the counter, water and fish pouring out of it. I started yelling, "B, hold the bag, Hold the BAG!" By now we had at least five tiny fish traveling amazingly well on their sides. Flop, flop, floppity, flop. B finally grabbed the bag as I started scooping the fish into my hands and into the water.

The last little guy had B very upset and he actually started crying. "Please don't die. Please don't die. Don't die!" I tried to assure him all was well as soon as the fish hit the water. He calmed down quickly but the girls kept asking if the fish had died. Then they all kept asking me why I was laughing. What a mess! There was water all over the counter and on the floor, on both sides of the bar. I still think we might find a dry little carcass one of these days. All is well now, the children are calm, the mess cleaned up. But the hysteria is what cracked me up, and still has me chuckling.

Hail to the Cheif

2009-01-20T12:55:00.005-07:00

What a big day. Just thinking about it has made me a little teary eyed. I know I didn't vote for Obama but I have enjoyed this monumental day as much as if I had voted for him. I love this day for many reasons...

Watching my husband get more and more involved in politics, the nation, the state of our entire world. I love hearing his opinions and thoughts. It has made a huge difference now that he can vote because he feels like he is part of the action process and not just being acted upon.
Teaching my children about our country and how the government works. Helping them understand our beautiful freedoms. Also, learning from them about tolerance and love. I was explaining to them yesterday about Martin Luther King Jr. We looked up some pictures of him on line and I found a picture of a water fountain that said, "White Only." I was talking about how some people judged according to the color of your skin and you could only sit in certain places or eat in certain places depending on the color of your skin. B saw the "White Only" drinking fountain and started giggling. "That's weird," he said, "How could anyone have white skin?" As I looked at our white refrigerator and our white microwave it occurred to me how right he was. "Nobody is going to be able to drink out of that drinking fountain!" He was as unfamiliar with the terms of white and black people as if he were a newborn babe. We all know that people are a subtle variety of colors, not at all white or black.
The peaceful transition of power. The politics of President Bush and President Obama are so different, yet they both have the same ultimate goal... to heal the United States of America. To make us a strong, safe, stable country, a "good" country. As I have watched with horror the war in Israel/Palestine, the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, even the interview on Univision of an ex-president of Mexico that is rumored to have siphoned millions of dollars from the country into his own pockets, I have felt blessed every day to live in a country with such a peaceful transition of power. They had their "social coffee" together this morning, rode over in the same car, smiled and waved. Nice.
Last but not least this day gives me so much hope that we are moving towards an end of racism. I still hear crazy racist remarks all of the time but we now have proof that a majority of people are not racist at least in one area. It is still always my mission to help spread love and tolerance instead of prejudice. I believe that it starts with knowing people and backgrounds and cultures. I hope as a nation we can continue to fight prejudice and help people get to know each other and understand each other a little better.

Yesterday the Treehouse had a ceremony in their Oval Office to unveil the portrait of our new President. We went as a family and had a grand time. They have an exact replica of the President's desk and the rug that is in the real Oval Office. Yeah, Treehouse.

2009-01-06T09:28:00.005-07:00

Wow, what a great holiday season we have just had. I love the magic in the eyes of our children when they see Christmas lights, our Christmas Village, Santa... We had so much fun! I bought way too many books, so now we have at least 25 picture books about the birth of the Savior. Apparently I am also collecting Nativity scenes because we now have seven different sets. Only two of them are not touching ones. The kids were constantly playing with and positioning them.

A couple of funny things B said: "Mom, where would you like to go over Christmas break?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Like Hawaii or Disneyland...." I just laughed so B tried again, "How about Roy?" Now Roy is do-able. Regrettably I must inform that we didn't even go to Roy!

B also told me that they read "The Grouch Who Stole Christmas" at school. Was that me?

The girls all got brown boots for Christmas and R calls them her "co-co-lat-tay boots." It is close to how you say chocolate in Spanish. So cute.

How I wish I wrote down everything they said. They make living enjoyable... most of the time.

Now I would like to share things I can never complain about out loud.

Spaghetti legs while trying to put tights on. I just keep trying to move the tights up their legs and they (you know who "they" are... S, R, L) they have wobbly legs, bendy legs etc. Grrrr....
Last year I bought E a leather Jeff Gordon jacket... that was too big and he complained for a year. So, this year I bought him a smaller one in twill. I wrapped it up and put it under the tree. Christmas Eve he puts out a twill jacket that he had bought himself! I knew he wanted one....
L never puts her own panties on after she goes potty. She brings them to me, waving in the air, no matter who is here. Yes, yes, I am just grateful she is going potty.
S pretends like she can't understand Spanish when I ask her to do something she would rather not do.
Every time I comment on the beauty of the snowy weather my husband takes it as a personal affront, as he has to maintain and fix the cities snowplows. When he is on call, meaning he has to work at all hours if there is a big snow storm, he asks, "Do you want it to snow now? Do you love snow?"
As I comb and "do"my girls' hair they creep closer and closer to me till their heads are right against my chest. You can't do hair that way.
We had a Thomas the Tank Engine Train that our neighbor had given us a year ago, minus the Thomas. B got a new Thomas engine for Christmas and my husband kept wanting me to take it back to the store. Then E spent hours helping the kids set up a track, he insisted we leave it up over night and E continued to play with it the next day. Go figure.
Keeping track of 12 gloves, family hats, boots, putting on socks and shoes on so many feet...
Children who pretend like they can't dress themselves because they need more mama time.
Pee, pee, pee...
Cookie monsters, we all know it is my fault the cats all love cookies.
E eating an oatmeal cookie from a neighbor and saying, "Why can't you make cookies like this? Could you learn how?" I don't make oatmeal cookies because I don't like them, not because I don't have oatmeal cookie skills! Are you kidding me?
Putting gloves on little hands! It is difficult for me to control those little fingers and get them into the right place, and then do it again, and again, and again, and again....
Girls having opinions about hair. Tinker Bell hair means a bun pony tail, Mermaid hair is a french braid, Dora Princess is a high pony tail, two braids, two pony tails, clips, bows.... Wow!

Well, I will stop there. The kids are cute and really quite well behaved, I think. We love them and don't want to send any back. Here they are in their new Christmas jammies.

2008-11-26T22:24:00.002-07:00

I am done. Hallelujah! The last couple of weeks have been much better. I started the new trimester as if it were my own class and the little cats stopped treating me like a sub. So much better! It completely restored my faith in my teaching abilities. That and the cute ex-student turned college girl who ran up to me at Twilight. "Mrs. Castellon! You look so beautiful! Do you remember me? You were my favorite teacher." How cute was that. I am fine now and will be able to go back to teaching in a couple of years.

My last day eating lunch with some of the other teachers still has me thinking about our society. One teacher was in the lunch line behind a girl who stole an extra hamburger. She said she had a hard time deciding whether to turn her in or not. So, the discussion started around the room... and the others said they wouldn't have said anything! One girl said she felt bad for the kids because some of them were so poor. I was shocked. Of course I blurted out, "Are you kidding me? We still need to teach honestly, whether people are poor or not." Then I continued on about our nation and the economy. The bailout... isn't it just allowing people not to take responsibility for their actions and choices. Just what so many students having problems with. Anywho... stealing is wrong. The end. And Pam did turn the girl in. The thief denied it at first, then she said OK, and just went and paid for it. Craziness.

Elder Ballard came to our stake conference a few weeks ago. He said that the time has past for just quietly living our lives righteously. It it now time to stand up for what we believe in, to let others know our beliefs. He even mentioned blogs... and said that we should be straight forward on our blogs and be true to who we are. So, I will not beat around the bush. I will be tactful and kind, yet true to my beliefs.

Abortion is wrong. Marriage is between a man and a woman. People should be faithful to their spouses and not get divorced. Can you imagine how great that would be for all of the children in the world? To be raised by two loving parents. Dreamy.

My siblings are making me laugh so hard that I can't continue with my "ranting"... "preaching?"..."belief statement making"....

Right now they are arguing over Mac vs. Vista. Vista is hated but two won't admit that Macs are better. Jan's making fun of my love for facebook. Susan's making fun of me believing everything that is said. Steve keeps trying to share music with us. Alma is being so very politically incorrect. Good times.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Van

2008-11-17T08:47:00.006-07:00

Here are photos of the van that has been purchased to be sent to Honduras. Juan Carlos hasn't been receiving our emails with the photos attached. So E thought that maybe it would be easier to just post them here. So... here is the van....

Also... this is the message that E sent to Juan Carlos in the email, just in case he never saw it.

JC Aqui estan las fotos de la minivan. La van roja es la que va para Honduras, Ford Windstar 2000. Donde yo trabajo tememos varias Ford Windstar y no tenemos problemas en darles mantenimiento.

Deep Discussions

2008-11-09T18:29:00.002-07:00

Riding in the van as we pass the temple....
S: There is the temple I'm getting married.
B: You said you're going to marry the temple!
S: No I didn't, I'm getting married that temple.
B: You're going to marry the temple, you're going to marry a temple, you're going to ...
Mom: Stop. She wants to get married in that temple. Where do you want to get married?
B: I want to get married in Alaska. Is it cold there? We can wear fur coats to the temple.
R: I want to marry here.
L: Mom, I'n staying with you. I too scary.
B: My favorite part is the fur coats. Oh, man, but then I will have to be a hunter. Hunter is a hunter. He's in my class. First you kill the animal, then pull the fur off of it, you can eat the animal and make a fur coat with it. But I don't want to live in an igloo that I have to build by myself.
R: Where Papa marry?
Mom: In Manti.
L: How 'bout you?
Mom: I married Papa in Manti.
S: When you were a princess?
Mom: Yep.

Discussion at the dinner table...
B: I saw Papa watching a killing show. There were these pirates and they had guns.
S: People don't have guns.
B: Yes they do! What about Susan's family?
S: What? Susan has guns?!
B: Yea. I saw Zachary with a long shot. We were outside, though, and he was showing me his skills. Then Susan came out and took the gun away.
S: Well, Janett doesn't have guns.
B: Yes she does, Mom does Janett have guns?
Mom: Yep.
S: Janett has guns too?!
L: Mom, we don't have guns.
Mom: That's right. We don't.

Last Tuesday night after the polls closed...
B: I got to vote today at school.
Mom: Oh, who did you vote for?
B: Obama. Who did you vote for?
Mom: McCain.
B: Well, Obama was born in Hawaii.
Mom: Who do you guys want to vote for?
S: Who did you vote for?
Mom: McCain.
S: I want Obama.
L: I am with you Mom.
Mom: R, who do you want to vote for?
R: McCain.
Mom: Why?
R: McCain.
B: Well, I like Obama 'cause he was born in Hawaii.

Needless to say, the next morning B was very excited that Obama had won.

Basketball

2008-11-09T17:16:00.004-07:00

So, we signed B up for basketball. As you might know, I am not the most athletic of people. Well, how will my offspring do as athletes? You be the judge of that...

2008-11-04T16:30:00.000-07:00

I taught the Relief Society lesson on Sunday. It was so fun! I had been thinking about gratitude, being November and all, and then I had a few amazing things happen. Through facebook I found two of my favorite Central American companions from the mission. A ton of excitement on all sides. My trainer is from Honduras, she now lives in Ontario, Canada. My other favorite Guatamalan companion is living in Provo! Another family I loved and had lost contact with is now living in Las Vegas!! All found through facebook. With all of those miracles, I decided to talk about my mission for Relief Society.

I dug out my missionary photos, journals, letters, baggy and started down memory lane. E had his patience tested with all of my, "Did I tell you about...?" I laughed and cried and remembered so many great times! For the RS class I passed pictures around of buying water and hauling water, tin roofed housed with cardboard walls, beautiful scenery and a side of beef hanging in a carniceria (meat shop). It was fun to see the responses of the sisters learning about how people live in a third world country. It also works nicely into my ever present secret agenda of trying to help people understand illegal immigrants and why they are here. We are so blessed to have running water, a sewer system, mostly honest policemen... You know. God bless the USA and sanitation.

Today was a great day as well. Being able to cast my vote always makes me a little giddy, especially so today. E got to vote for the first time and I dare say he loved it as much as I do. I always have to control my conspiracy theories, however. It is hard to believe that your vote is really being recorded. I just pray for the best. I got there a couple of minutes before the polls opened and saw the confusion of the poll volunteers. Yikes. The bonus was I got to hear someone actually say, "Hear ye, hear ye, the polls are now open." It is probably written into law that they must say that. Who knew?

Working at the school is emotionally exhausting! These kids have so much trauma in their lives I don't know how they get any school work into their days. I have heard kids talking about being raised by Grandma, fighting with Dad for child support, one parent had an affair so time for divorce, Dad moved back to Roy... hadn't seen him for a year, girls fighting amongst themselves for three days straight. I helped break up a girl fight in the hall today. Weird. I so don't like the pain, why would you ever want to fight? I also have a girl that smells like marijuana every time she comes to class. Another boy is a known gang member. Once a dad called his daughter during my class to tell her that they were getting divorced. She just burst into tears. Hello, who does that? So, like I said, not a lot of keyboarding taking place. Just pray for me to make it to January 12th!

My monsters are super cute. B started Jr. Jazz and it was a roaring good time watching his tall gangly form run/bounce up and down the court. He did make a basket, surprise, surprise! We were as proud as punch. S is more beautiful each day. R and L are definitely twins. They already have inside jokes I guess, they can just crack each other up when nothing at all seems to be funny. I do miss them. Sigh....

2008-10-23T22:34:00.000-06:00

So, pretty much, working sucks. Sorry for using such vulgar vocabulary... but it really does. I have been back in the classroom for five days now, yet it feels like months. The students complain and act surprised each time I ask them to work. I often break out in laughter at their behavior. How can a teacher asking you to work surprise you everyday? I can't believe I forgot how needy, feisty, emotional, giddy, resistant etc. teenagers are. Just listening to them attack each other is so ridiculous. Get a little confidence, could you? A LITTLE CONFIDENCE! DiAnn would say that I have such a great opportunity to help these children build confidence in themselves. Nice... I do hope I don't destroy any one's confidence. Crazy cats. They do wear me out.

I feel like a little old lady as I hobble out of the school each day. My feet just throb with pain. Most people I talk to say their "plantar fascia" (or whatever it is) eventually goes away. I have been going on three years now at least and it is just getting worse and worse. Oh, my dogs are barking.

The worst part of working is dropping the girls off for someone else to raise. I feel like I am so tired after school that I don't spend any quality time with them. I have got to make sure that I am hugging them a lot and talking to each one individually. They seem happy where they are and I am pretty sure they are safe. Come on, they are safe.

Even B has been traumatized by all of this change. I now get to his school late to pick him up each day. About 10 minutes late. The third day I could tell something was wrong because everything was making him cry. He asked why we don't go down to Susan's house. Emotionally he cried, "Why do we only go down there at Easter? We can go other times too!"

Finally he asked me (teary eyed) how he was going to call me if I didn't come pick him up. Unbeknownst to me their school was only half day on the very first day I went back to teach. The school had a hard time getting in touch with me and I was over an hour late picking him up. It was a mess. Apparently he is now afraid that I will do that again. "Don't you know our phone number?" I asked.

"Not your phone. Can't you write it down for me on a little piece of paper that I can keep in my backpack all of the time?" he petitioned, crying a little once again. Sad, sad times.

2008-10-17T18:02:00.002-06:00

Susan tagged me... I could have pretty much left all of her answers, I did try to mix it up a little. If any of you out there would like to answer these same questions, please do so.

1. Where is your cell phone? Bag
2. Where is your significant other? Working
3. Your hair color? Brown
4. Your mother? Heaven
5. Your father? Infierno
6. Your favorite thing? Offspring
7. Your dream last night? Conspiracy
8. Your dream/goal? China
9. The room you're in? Kitchen
10. Your hobby? Crocheting
11. Your fear? Death
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Peaceful
13. Where were you last night? Temple
14. What you're not? Hater
15. One of your wish-list items? Basement

16. Where you grew up? Blanding
17. The last thing you did? Clean
18. What are you wearing? Jeans
19. Your TV? Boxy
20. Your pet? Birds
21. Your computer? Sweet
22. Your mood? Excited
23. Missing someone? Nope
24. Your car? Van-o-ramma
25. Something you're not wearing? Shoes
26. Favorite store? Walmart
27. Your summer? Warm
28. Love someone? Yep
29. Your favorite color? Brown
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Today

On getting a job... or two.

2008-10-09T14:36:00.003-06:00

So... I got a job. A couple of months ago I interviewed at the temple for a cleaning position that runs from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. I thought it would be a perfect schedule for me. It turns out that I got the job but they took two months in giving it to me and getting started. I only got to work two weeks before I had to quit and take Cathy's classes at the Jr. High. She is in my ward and she just had a baby. I am going to teach her cats until January. It has been hard for me to give up the peace of cleaning the temple to go back to Jr. High... but I'll get over it I am sure.

I just thought everyone should be reminded of how our 70's temple looked with the gold spire. Now it is white and we have our very own angel Moroni. Sweet!

2008-09-25T15:40:00.004-06:00

He loves it when I make him pose for pictures. :D

So, we went to Peach Days a couple of weeks ago. We went on Friday night and caught the children's parade. The Castellons do love a good parade. The highlight, however, was the Dale Jr. car that was exhibited right there on Forest Street. You would not believe what a NASCAR freak my husband is becoming. He doesn't even like Dale Jr. and still wanted to take a million photos of the car and even the truck and trailer that hauls it. At least I got my dutch oven peach cobbler and vanilla ice cream out of the deal.

Just for a little annoying NASCAR 411... There are only eight races left (hurray!) until the Sprint Cup champion is named. My favorite car, the M&M's car, had such a great year... but has really blown it in the last two races. They just might not win. Blah, blah, blah. Jeff Gordon, the family favorite, hasn't won all year. So I'm not even sure why we have to finish watching the season.
Please do notice that the boys in family had to dress up in NASCAR wear to go see the car at Peach Days.

Futbol Sabado

2008-09-13T17:53:00.004-06:00

Saturdays are now all about soccer. Finally we have started our children along the path of futbolistas, and I am sure, with time, they will be great. I have already seen a huge improvement in the last three weeks. E is coaching B's team, the Blue Thunder or Blue Lightning... it changes. I think E is having just as much fun as B, there are seven boys on his team and they play five on five.

S is on a little team of five girls, the Dragonflies (I suggested Green Machine because their jerseys are neon green but the five year olds liked Dragonflies better, go figure). There are five girls on her team and they play three on three. They are starting to figure out which way to run, well, except for the little girl in her prescription sunglasses. She dribbles well, but she just takes off in either direction and runs the ball all the way down the field. Same little girl just happens to have a staph infection... the flesh eating bacteria. OK, then.

We have fun Saturday mornings, but then we are tired out for the rest of the day. I also find it funny how important the after game treats are. Not to the kids, but the parents. They are very worried about "signing up" for the treats and making sure they are there. Another odd thing about the parents is that a majority of them say, "Thanks Coach," after the games. I am not sure why, but it almost gives me the giggles.

God Bless the USA

2008-08-20T18:11:00.007-06:00

Today E became a US citizen. (OK... now it is yesterday). Bonnie took our kids for us and we were able to go down to SL together. We got there plenty early, which was nice. The only sorrow was that we couldn't sit together. They took all of the candidates for naturalization (the ones getting their citizenship), they took them all in separately. So the video of "THE OATH" is horrible. It is just the barrette of one woman and the fat hand of another. Oh, well. We are done with immigration!!! It can't get any better than that, fat hand and all. I sat by two husbands of new citizens. One of their wives was from the Dominican Republic and the other from Mexico. We all agreed that we were being treated better then we ever had been treated before when dealing with immigration. Then we realized that all of the people worked for the theater and not immigration. That's why they were being so nice! I was also pleased because I was able to educate two different people about the horrors of the immigration system and help them understand why so many people come here illegally. Always one of my personal secret agendas. : )

There was a representative of the DAR, Daughters of the American Revolution (which, of course, reminds me of Gilmore Girls). They put together a nice packet for each new citizen with passport applications and voter registration cards. Included was the greatest book called "The Citizen's Almanac." It includes things like Patriotic Anthems and Symbols of the US, Presidential and Historic Speeches and Landmark Decisions of the Supreme Court. I love this book!

Just as a reminder, here are some of the wonderful rights we have in this beautiful country of ours. Even more appreciated as I watch every second I can of the Olympics and often find myself horrified at the politics in China.

Freedom to express yourself.
Freedom to worship as you wish.
Right to a prompt, fair trial by jury.
Right to keep and bear arms.
Right to vote in elections for public officials.
Right to apply for federal employment.
Right to run for elected office.
Freedom to pursue "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

And some of our responsibilities as citizens:

Support and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic.
Stay informed of the issues affecting your community.
Participate in the democratic process.
Respect and obey federal, stat, and local laws.
Respect the rights, beliefs, and oplinions of others.
Participate in your local community.
Pay income and other taxes honestly, and on time, to federal, state, and local authorities.
Serve on a jury when called upon.
Defend the country if the need should arise.

I do love our country and I think it is so important that we each do our part to make it better. If we don't like what congress is doing, we should let them know... then vote them out! Same with the state legislature. Too many politicians just like "jobs" and I think they need to know its not OK to just do the same old thing. My fire in my belly right now is about the billions of dollars in tax breaks for big oil companies. Quit focusing on oil shale and get rid of those tax breaks. Or have the tax breaks dependent on the lowering of the price of gas. Or focus on the technology we already have to use less fossil fuels. Lets not help the big oil companies get more business! This is making me crazy, we all just keep buying gas. If we had the money, E would have built us a car that runs on air a couple of years ago.

OK, enough of that. Back to our splendid day yesterday. Here is an excerpt of a beautiful letter from President Bush that inspires me to be a better citizen and made the love of country flow right out of my eyes in the form of tears.

"America has never been united by blood or birth or soil. We are bound by ideals that move us beyond our backgrounds, lift us above our interests and teach us what it means to be citizens. Every child must be taught these principles. Every citizen must uphold them. And every immigrant, by embracing these ideals, makes our country more, not less, American."

"America's welcoming society is more than a cultural tradition, it is a fundamental promise of our democracy. Our Constitution does not limit citizenship by background or birth. Instead, our nation is bound together by a shared love of liberty and a conviction that all people are created with dignity and value. Through the generations, Americans have upheld that vision by welcoming new citizens from across the globe-and that has made us stand apart."

There were 195 new citizens yesterday. There were 48 countries represented. Honduras, El Salvador, Mexico, Indonesia, Peru, Canada... eight from China, nine from Bosnia, and even two from Iraq. The presiding judge was from Mexico himself. He had come as a migrant worker with his family. He became a citizen in 1970 and now he is a federal judge! What a great example of the wonders of this country.

So, full of patriotism we drive home listening to "our" favorite NPR. And as we drive down 7th toward our house we were greeted with the most beautiful surprise! The Bishop and his wife had a couple of scouts put out 8 flags in our yard and they bought bouquets of red, white, and blue balloons to grace our fence. Wow. It made E feel really special. It also made quite a statement in the neighborhood. We would watch people from the window driving by and rubber necking, wondering what on earth was happening. I also enjoyed neighbors just dying to ask what was going on but they didn't quite dare. We just let them wonder. I am planning a surprise pot luck dinner in our yard on Sunday evening to celebrate. You are all invited.

So hip, hip, hurray for the USA and one of her newest citizens!

B, B, B... its all about B

2008-08-18T13:30:00.001-06:00

I thought it would be fun for all of you to experience B's mind and its workings. The following are comments from B during sacrament meeting. We went to two sacrament meetings yesterday because apparently my niece is out of jail and wanted to bless her nine month old baby. Anywho, as B would whisper to me, I would jot down the things he said and try to "smile and nod" answers as often as possible to keep it quiet.

Our meeting:

I really want a white light.
How do you get chicken pox?
Do chicken pox ever go away?
Guan? (The speaker was just home from a mission in Guam.)
Did you know Wall-e is only in fe-aters (theaters)?
Do you want to own the movie Wall-e?
When we are done with church can I see how fast I can run with these shoes? (He was wearing his new school shoes for the first time.)
Maybe I can run 40 miles per hour.
How do you spell Eve? and Wall-E?
When are we going to get a GPS? When we get a GPS we can go to DiAnn's house.
Where are my fingers? I can lip (lick? flip? He just said lip...) them off. Can I?

Next meeting:

Hey look at the clock, it is almost over.
How long do 1st graders have to stay in school? (He started school today.)
After school tomorrow can we eat at MacDonalds? I want a new Star Wars toy.
Saturday can we go buy another parakeet so Guapo has a friend? (Our neighbors gave us their parakeet.)
Do you have your wallet with you?
I have my wallet with me.
Your name Julie, but her last name is Beck. (The speaker had just quoted Julie Beck.)
When are we going to have humming birds?
How many more days of the Olympics are there? Good thing you have it recorded. Then you don't have to cry because you have it recorded. Then you can delete when you're done. And don't delete it until you want to. And I know you deleted Star Wars, know why, because Darth Maul is scary!
Remember the statues we saw on the computer? (The statue army in China.)
Do you have any food? I'm hungry. I'm hungry. (Whinier now) I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry. (Louder)
(Me: Please be quiet, you are embarrassing me.)
I know.
I - Want - To - Go - Home!
How long is it going to take?
Maybe it was starting when we heard the music at the beginning.

Thankfully E had some treats he shared with the monsters that held them over till the end of the meeting!

The meetings were great thankfully. Ours had a missionary that just got home in June from Micronesia. He spent 18 months on Pon Pei island and learned their language. Wow! I think he said only about 10, 000 people speak Pon Peian. He talked about the Book of Mormon and its power to change lives. Our second meeting we had an RM who served in Siberia. His mission was as large as the US from NY to CA... but only 10 cities in all of that space. Amazing. He spoke about teaching our children obedience. Topics I really needed to hear!

Church. Good times.

B and Death

2008-08-12T09:17:00.002-06:00

B has been freaking me out a little lately. He had a couple of weeks there where he was consumed with the thoughts of death. First he was getting sick. A head cold that included pain and pressure in the sinuses. One morning he called me over to the couch and said, "Mom, I need to talk to you." As I walked toward him tears started flowing and he sobbed out, "I don't want to die!" I hugged him and tried to comfort him. Then he said, "I want to say a prayer so that I won't be scared to die." That just broke my heart. He was so scared! We prayed and he felt a lot better. Later on in the afternoon he told me, "Mom, I wasn't dying, I was just getting sick." Whew!

B has also bombarded me with questions about the body and the spirit, the Spirit World and the Resurrection. One day as we were leaving Walmart he started asking, "Does a spirit know its dead? Can a spirit see itself? Does it hurt to be a spirit? Will I know who I am when I'm a spirit? Will I like the same things?" I tried to get across the point that his spirit is "him" and he would still be the same B, but we left him pondering.

He has also questioned many times who would take care of them if Papa died, if Mama died. So, we have been covering that again. I told him I would take care of them or Papa would. "But, what if you both die?" he asks, crying again.

"DiAnn will take care of you."

"How will DiAnn know that you are dead and she needs to take care of us?"

He has a point there, I thought, as I answered, "We'll give her a call."

It didn't work... "How are you going to call if you are dead?"

"You can call."

"I don't know her phone number!" panicking now.

"It is on the cell phone." I could see that he wasn't convinced so I tried a different route. "The police will call DiAnn." That seemed to calm him down.

Hours later he started again, "Who is going to take care of us if you and Papa both die and DiAnn dies, too?"

"Susan," I answered without missing a beat.

"OK," he was satisfied with that answer.

I don't know... do you think B knows something I don't? We shall see I guess. My children do tend to have prophetic abilities. Months ago Silvina called to tell me she was pregnant and she had just found out they were having twins! After I hung up the phone in my excitement I called out to S who was sitting right in front of the TV watching a program. "Hey, Sarah, Silvina is going to have two babies!"

S answered without taking her eyes off of the television, "Yeah, a boy and a girl." Hmmm. I did tell Silvina what she said, and now Silvina calls her the little prophetess. Because, sure enough, she had a boy and a girl. Go S!

They also have uncanny abilities to forecast when I am going to be angry... sometimes. Other times they still seem oblivious and are surprised when they get in trouble. So, maybe we are all safe for a while.

E is funny

2008-08-05T09:53:00.004-06:00

This is a picture of E and his brother when they took down a huge tree in my father-in-law's yard. The kids loved seeing him spray saw dust everywhere so he just kept going. He loves to make the kids laugh.

E had a really bad Sunday a while back. He has this bad habit of leaving the keys in the ignition in the van with van turned on. Not running but lights, radio, etc. left on. He also is always late on Sunday morning... so we run out to get in the van and the battery is dead! We only would have been a couple of minutes late if we could have left then but...

So, of course we think about jumping the van's battery. Two problems... 1. We used to have a battery in the garage we have used in the past when he left the keys in the ignition, but unfortunately he had just given it to his dad the week before. 2. E also has a bad habit of selling our cars, without fail the jumper cables go with the car he sells. Well, he has recently sold the Durango and, go figure, we have no jumper cables. To get to church we had to cram three car seats into the back of the little car and still take two cars. We were so late it was humiliating to walk into the meeting. Bad day for E.

Last night my neighbors were over and we were talking about Breaking Dawn. Neither of them have finished it yet. They totally freaked when E started talking about the book. He just kept jibbering nonsense in Spanish even, but they ran away in fear.

I find it hilarious that E loves Bluegrass music. Someone at work gave him free tickets to an outdoor concert of Bluegrass and we were in heaven. The Mike Irvine band played followed by Fire on the Mountain. It was great. I love to see how much E enjoys it and he cracks me up when he asks, "How could anyone not love this beautiful music?" We even bought a CD.

The last story is from when DiAnn and her girls went to church with us. As we left the house I noticed his "trick pen" in his pocket. When you click the pen to use it a jolt of electricity is sent to your thumb. I knew E was hoping that someone would need a pen. The opportunity arrived towards the end of sacrament meeting. Morgan and Heather were drawing pictures with my kids and we needed one more pen. E was thrilled to offer up his pen. He held very still waiting for the moment, I had to turn away because I was afraid of getting the giggles. Sure enough, JOLT and a little yelp. Then every one had the giggles as the pen was passed around. Good times. Sure do love my husband.

R & L's Birthday and S's Birthday

2008-08-01T10:13:00.008-06:00

Could it be true that I didn't ever blog R & L's B-day? It was so darn cute.

So, first to assuage my guilt, I must cover S's birthday because I probably didn't blog that either. Happy Birthday S!

Here are some cute pictures of S. When their b-day is on a weekday we make a cake as a family, hence the lovely and may I say elegant princess cake. My favorite would be to have a dress like hers with real M&M's on it. I think everyone has fun helping to decorate, then when the cake doesn't look so great, I can pretend that it is because of the kids helping. : )

The other cake was a lovely store bought cake and S did a "mordida" (took a bite of cake) after we sang to her. Gotta love that blue frosting!

Then we have a party on Saturday with a pinata. I am afraid that is pretty much stuck as a tradition for life. They love the pinatas and we are finding better and better prices. S's was $12 and R & L's was only $8!

I was in a dilema with the twins. One wanted Hello Kitty, which I love as well, so I thought we could just go with that as the theme. But then R started saying things about L's b-day. She didn't realize it was her birthday as well. See, R wanted Diego. When I started looking at Diego things then R accepted that it was her birthday as well.
We ended up only finding a Hello Kitty pinata... so we glued a Diego napkin to one side making it half Diego and half Hello Kitty. I also ordered a cake that was half and half. It was a masterpiece! I love birthdays.

2008-07-30T15:00:00.004-06:00

So... I was talking on the phone to Ana (She had her baby on Sunday! Hurray!) and I look out the window just to see B peeing outside right by the garbage can. When I talked to him about it later, after he had "cleaned" it up with the hose, I asked why he had been peeing outside. His answer was, "I didn't want the ants to kill the potato bugs." It took me a minute of just staring blankly at him before I asked again why he peed outside. "To kill the ants." I told him his pee wasn't going to kill anything so next time just go inside to the bathroom. Now that, my friends, is quality parenting.

2008-07-22T16:59:00.005-06:00

So the Bella Cullen link didn't work... but a nice person named Deaana left the correct link... http://www.myspace.com/thebellacullenproject

and here is another try with a pretty picture.

Which doesn't work either. The girls are just trying to get their music out there... so enjoy the picture and their music but not with the same link/click.

2008-07-21T14:02:00.002-06:00

2008-07-17T14:12:00.002-06:00

So much to blog... so little time. A question: Do you eat the little skins on peanuts? Why or why not.

A shout out to Steve, lost 10 lbs! Way to go, Idaho! (Hope that wasn't told me in confidence).

Thank you so much to all those who came to the Slade family reunion. I think everyone had a good time, until the batteries ran out. But seriously folks, I know my kids were in absolute heaven. They ask everyday... "Are we going to Janett's house? Susan's? Ticee's? DiAnn's? Grandpa's? Steve's?" Just pile in the car kids and we'll head out. We really should do some sort of trip, but I'm afraid if I just think about it and never really plan it, we won't end up anywhere but right here.

Just thought everyone should know that apparently S can write as well as read. I bought her a little book with the wide lines and the letters to trace and she just went to town! She does much better now than B did when he was in Kinder. I am telling you, she is not only beautiful but a genius as well (and with no help from me... I don't know how this is happening).

I should have led out with this, can't believe I left it till this far into the blog... I am still floating from last night (wink, wink). I saw a preview for CHUCK!!! That's right, Chuck is coming back ladies and gentlemen. No need to worry any more.

I need to finish the blankets I am making. I am crocheting around the edge of baby blankets. Cutie pitutie... Ana is going to give birth any minute now and I am afraid that Jodi's baby is coming early, maybe she is already here!

I started a sewing circle in RS and we taught a few people how to crochet the edges. They were all speedy learners. I was especially impressed with Bonnie. She had never crocheted before in her life and she learned how to do the blanket! Bonnie was as stalwart as a pioneer, not giving up until she got it. I am very impressed. : ) Kudos to you Miss Bonnie.

FHE

2008-06-26T15:50:00.004-06:00

Monday we were talking about families during FHE. We sang, read a poem from the friend ... then the idea was for each of the kids to draw a picture of our families and on the pictures we would write ways we could improve our family. I don't remember why R was so mad but she was on time out just a screaming when we discovered S writing "mama." Rache wasn't happy at all but we just ignored her tantrum the best we could. All the kids drew our family and when R got off of time out she just started jabbing viciously at her paper with her pen punching holes in it. Then she crumpled up the paper and threw it. I tell you what, that girl is scary.

After hanging up the other three pictures we went back into the other room to finish with a little discussion, a song and a prayer. Then what to our wondering eyes did appear? See for yourselves...

Rach had drawn our family on her legs! She kindly explained who everyone was... but I must say the Papa's and Mama's faces were looking pretty grumpy, on her legs, that is. Look at their mouths.

Apparently She Can Read!

2008-06-26T00:08:00.002-06:00

So, Monday for FHE we were drawing pictures of our family then writing down ways we can improve our family and hanging them on the wall. B likes to label everyone and I guess S is tired of being "out done." I look over and S is writing "MAMA" on her paper! Of course tears came to my eyes because she is absolutely amazing. I am telling you, I didn't teach her that.

Then today I heard her sounding out cake and trying to write it. I called her over and we worked together for a while. She asked me to write a variety of words on her paper and she could read them all back to me. The video is the proof... it is a little long, however. So, sorry... I was just so darn proud.

Teary eyed again, Rachy got worried and ran over to see if I was alright.

Stories

2008-06-19T18:14:00.004-06:00

Bonnie invited us over to eat last week and I looked around the house to see what I could take. I didn't have anything to make a salad with... not fruit, chicken, pasta... just couldn't think of anything. So I turned to brownies. Yummy... I made some turtle brownies with nuts and caramel and took over some ice cream. Bonnie grilled chicken and hot dogs and made dutch oven potatoes, delicious. While we were eating Kyle heard a bang inside of the house. He jumped up and ran in, being especially attuned to that sort of thing. It turns out that Hazel, the dog, had climbed up on the table and had eaten the whole pan of brownies! She started in the middle and worked her way out, leaving only a ring around the outside of the pan. I think the dog was trying to get the crustier part on the outside of the pan when she knocked the brownies off of the table, hence the Bang! Grrrr. No brownies for humans. : (

We have started swimming lessons this week. The kids absolutely love it... but it is wearing me out just a little. The lessons start at 10:15 and we try to shower the kids before we go, so they won't have to shower at the pool. That shouldn't be so hard to do... but it is. I get home from the gym and hurry and feed, shower, suit up, load... We have been on time everyday, of which I am very proud.

The first day all of my little monsters were nervous. They were asking questions about what it would be like, wondering about their teachers and what they would be like. When we got there Brigham got put with the director and he has really progressed. He just tries and tries to swim, float, kick etc. with no fear. He swims like he is riding a bike. It is funny... The thing that really freaked him out was jumping into the pool at 6 feet. He wouldn't do it at six feet, but he jumped in at five feet with a noodle. Chicken liver.

Sarah is in kind of a blah class. Not making a lot of progress. She pretty much does the same things she did last year. But she loves it. She comes out of the pool grinning from ear to ear.

Rachel is practically giddy in the water. She enjoys every minute of it from the very first. She does have a hard time following the teachers instructions. She wanders off often, spashing and jumping. There is like a semi-autistic girl in her class that wanders all of the time and often Rachel will just follow her.

Now Leah... Oh boy. The first day she cried/screamed for half of the lesson. She played for a minute with the class then got out about 10 minutes early. The next day they changed her to a different class, too many problem children in the same class. Leah cried for about 10 minutes the second day but her teachers were very patient with her. Now she only screams bloody murder for about one minute and then she enjoys the rest of the lesson. The screaming is still plenty enough to be embarrassing.

2008-06-10T09:41:00.003-06:00

Strange how I always think I am going to blog... yet I never do. Interesting...

I did want to share some things that I learned while Dad was staying with us. We loved having him. My girls still ask at random times, "Where's our Grandpa?" I know I made him pretty uncomfortable but I am still holding out hope that he will stay with us again.

While he was here he read The Key-Lock Man and a book of short stories by Louis L'Amour as well as Shape Shifter by Tony Hillerman. Donna has said that he reads but doesn't comprehend what he is reading, so I would give him little quizzes. I kept asking what the book was about and how it turns out. Although I didn't read the books myself, it sounded like he knew what was going on. Not that I doubted, mind you, just wanted a little evidence. : )

Dad was also here on May 26th, the day he married Mom. I grilled him on that subject as well. Here is what I found out. Dad came home from his mission in early April. Grandma and Grandpa Slade were living in Salt Lake at the time. Dad moved in with Eddie and Carolyn, apparently so he could date Mom. They were engaged within a couple of weeks because he said he gave them (Edith and Mom) a month to get the wedding together. Edith loved Dad (so he says), even before he went on his mission. So, when they got engaged so quickly, she was OK with it.

They were sealed in the Salt Lake temple. He only remembers parents being there. He said his brothers were pretty wild at the time. Then he just said the reception was nice and not like the ones now because there was dancing. Then he said, "You have a picture," and went over and grabbed the framed wedding photo I have of them at their reception. Cute Dad.

After they were married they lived in Vernal and I can almost remember what he told me he was doing for a living. Selling insurance? Working at the car wash with Grandpa Jack? Anyone out there who can help with that? But then he got "called up," from being in the reserves. That is when he went to Washington. He said Mom came up later/soon. I do know that is where DiAnn was born.

Some words of wisdom from Dad. While he was here I also asked him if he regretted anything he had done in his life. He got that kind of disgusted/you're ridiculous look on his face and said no. "No use in that, you can't change it. Look forward."

One day we were talking about Donna and some of the struggles. I was trying to make a hard decision and Dad said, "It is a hard road to crawl." I got a little teary eyed because of the literal truth of that comment. He has just been crawling through for quite a few years now.

It still makes me laugh how much I long after Dad's acceptance. I felt great, still feeling great, after I asked him if he thought I were lazy. A surprise laugh came out of him and he shook his head and told me, "Anything but..." Hurray! He doesn't think I am lazy. (Yes, I see how pathetic I am when it comes to my Dad.)

I am so glad that Dad is now in Washington. I hope all is well. And congrats to Autumn on her graduation. Not to leave JD behind... he was the star of his graduation. Congrats JD!

I must announce how excited I am that DiAnn and her girls were able to visit Forks and La Push.

I think DiAnn went a little teen on us. Scrambling after any thing free from Forks, driving as fast as Edward did in Randy's hotrod, ordering just what Bella did at the restaurant in Port Angeles. I would have been right there with her if I could have. Also, thanks to DiAnn, I have been able to learn much more about the Quileute tribe, Jacob's tribe. Amazing tribe. I must say, hang onto your culture! Whatever it may be.

Silvina had her twins a month early. She had toxemia. The babies are still in the hospital (they generally stay in until their due date). I am aching to see them.

52 days and 13 hours until Breaking Dawn comes out. What twists await us? I do know that Stephenie (my BFF) will leaves us all happy and content. Everyone will find happiness, even Rosalie will smile. I am sure of it. Jacob must find love. Edward and Bella will get married. Charlie needs something... it breaks my heart to think of Bella disappearing, he would be devastated. By the by, there is a lot of good fishing near Forks, another tidbit I learned thanks to DiAnn's visit. Charlie loves to fish. Oh, and Leah Clearwater must find some happiness.

Love to all!

Stephenie Meyer!

2008-05-17T14:27:00.005-06:00

Quick Highlights:

This is what I put on my T-shirt... it looked cute and Stephenie Meyer really liked it! She told me that herself and told us to get our picture taken by Emily, her cousin. Ticee's shirt said, "Fiesty for a peace-loving body snatcher, aren't you?"

We were late making the T-shirts and we had to drive to Toole to pick up my friends sister! So, we were late and missed Stephenie Meyer's 15-20 minute discussion. : ( But, right when we walked in a man came up to Ticee, who was holding Diedrick, and asked if she had gotten her book signed yet. Come to find out, those with babies got to go first!! Even before the people who had camped out the night before to be in the front rows. We all got to go with Ticee and we sneaked in Sally, some girl who's leg hurt.

We went right up and got our books signed. They had to be opened to the title page... two from the Twilight series and as many Hosts as you had. So, I bought extra Host's and got them all personalized. I was so excited! Stephenie told Ticee that her baby was cute, which he is! And she told me that she loved my shirt.

We were done so fast that we didn't know what to do with ourselves. So, we stayed a few minutes and took some pictures... Ticee got to know Stephenie's extended family, aunts and uncles... they loved Diedrick as well. What would we have done without Diedrick! If we would have waited until "our place" in line... since we came in so late we could have waited until 10 or 11 p.m.!! Good times...

2008-05-13T10:15:00.001-06:00

Here is a letter I just wrote to Brandon and Kaber. I think it has a funny story in it so I will post it.

May 13, 2008

Dear Brandon and Kaber,

I have been having a hard time getting letters written so I thought I would try getting a letter out to both of you. Apparently you have both been transferred recently to new areas. It is always fun getting to know a new area and new people… but sometimes it is a little frustrating as well. Trying to remember where the streets are or not knowing which members will help you. I think sometimes it is nice for the members, too. They get to meet a better missionary in both of your cases (wink, wink) and they get a clean slate. Maybe before they weren’t that great at helping the elders or maybe they weren’t really active. But now they are on equal footing. I also think it is great for members to be asked to help, even if they don’t say yes. That way they are given an opportunity to choose to serve the Lord… or, you know, the other guy.

I was thinking about how excited I was for Kaber helping the couple get married and then baptizing the father in Spanish. Yippee! Then I remembered one of my funniest baptisms. When I arrived in Satelite they already had an investigator named Raul Ulizar. He was an older gentleman, about 84 if I remember correctly. His friend, in his twenties, maybe a relative, had been baptized in a different area and was so excited about the gospel. The friend sent the missionaries to Raul and he started receiving the discussions. Raul progressed really well and we set a baptism date. His only request was that his friend would baptize him, which we thought was great. Raul would always have a connection with his friend, his baptism and the church.
The baptism day came and we were set. The interviews were done, the pila (font) was full, we had told the Branch President and our Mission Leader, Raul had come to church, members were involved in the talks and the music etc. The baptism was going well and Raul and his friend entered the font. The friend was so nervous but he said the prayer very well. Right after saying, “…in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost, Amen,” the friend crossed himself before he “dunked” Raul. A cross like the Catholics do!

You can imagine the gasp that spread throughout the room. Everyone was looking around, whispering, in shock, wondering which church they were in. The Branch President and our Mission Leader were beside themselves. They kept asking where we had found this friend that did the baptizing and how do we know if he is worthy? Good point! We hadn’t even thought of asking the friend to bring a “recommend” from his Bishop. Ooops. Silly us.

Anywho, they decided to let the baptism stand and hopefully the records of Raul are entered in the heavens. That was embarrassing… Don’t let just anyone baptize, ya hear. I tell you, what they say is really true, “The gospel has to be true, if not missionaries would have ruined it long ago.” I made some pretty crazy mistakes. But now they are just fun memories. I am pretty sure we didn't do any lasting damage, I hope.

Well, we love you so much! Your parents both told me how fantastic it was to talk to you on Mother’s Day. We are so proud of you and pray for you many times a day. If we don’t mention you in our prayers, Brigham really gets after us. : )

Love ya tons!

2008-05-01T15:33:00.006-06:00

WIC...

Today was the dreaded WIC visit. I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get out the door. If you get there late you must reschedule and the end result is you lose milk and cheese and juice. So, we were only a couple minutes late.

There was the nicest lady there waiting for her appointment. She was put together nicely, pretty and pleasantly smiling. I kept watching her and wondering about what happened to my smile? So, I paid attention and I mostly smile when I am alone. Now I am practising smiling even when I am busy with all of my monsters and their fits.

We got a pretty feisty lady to check our income, address, names, etc. She had a couple of little stuffed teddy bears sitting by a plant. S touched a bear and feisty lady snapped at her, "Don't touch that."

Then L & R joined the party looking at the bears. Another lady walked by and threw out, "Don't play." Crazy women... why on earth would they think that toys were going to call the attention of kids? Of course the children should stay away from toys.

I ended up holding a crying L and keeping R & S away from the toys by blocking them out, using my old basketball skills. I also must admit that I said, "Those aren't for kids. Sorry, they thought they were toys."

The only other travesty was that L didn't gain enough weight so we have to add an additional visit. I am not sure if you can recall that this happens every single time. Last time L didn't gain one pound in six months... so we had to return in two months and she had gained two and a half pounds! I believe that was an error in record keeping or something, I mean come on. Well, this time since she weighed 25 1/2 pounds last time and today she weighed 26.4... they are making her come back! She is supposed to gain one pound, not 0.9 of a pound. I have serious issues with their data collection and lack of accuracy. But, thank you for the milk.... that is me trying to be positive.

Last Saturday E and I got a babysitter from the Spanish Branch and headed off to SL. We met Alina and friends at the Bombay House for dinner. Wow, she is fun to be around. Also part of the party were Reno and Star, Alina's brother and his wife; Brian, husband; Emily and Judy, FoA (Friends of Alina) and Aaron, a cousin. They were all spectacular company and it was refreshing to remember that there are many normal, funny people out in the real world. Oh, and the food! Delicious! I think Susan would like it. : ) Ana told me that it is one of her favorite places to eat as well. Small, small world.

The photo is thanks to Alina... did I mention we saw the Sultan? Jasmine's father?

Oh.. and did I mention that my husband is hot....

Death

2008-04-25T10:12:00.002-06:00

A friend's daughter died from complications from childbirth this week. It was a lady I taught with in Brigham, she was always so wrapped up with her kids, their lives very intertwined. At the time I couldn't believe that she was so involved with her children's lives, having recently been dropped off in Brigham and finding myself walking to work and to the grocery store. I had a car quickly after the first snow storm. Thank you Janett and Alma, I am still grateful for that loan!

Yesterday I found myself aching for closer ties with my family. The funeral was so beautiful. Her parents talked and her sisters spoke. They took turns talking about qualities they loved about Candace, sharing funny stories and making promises to Candace, now that she can't take care of her kids and her husband. They will step in as a family and wrap them in love. The thing is that they really will. They get together a couple times a month as a family... we fight about getting together once a year. It has really left me a little melancholy. That coupled with the price of gas, cutting traveling plans to shreds, has me in a very somber place.

Candace's mother, my friend Susan, said, "If I could have bottled up your giggles and the little hand prints you left on the windows and walls, I would take them out now and scatter them around the house." It really hit home to me how much we need to appreciate each day. I am determined to focus more on the happy moments than the crazy, vexing moments. My kids do really cute and funny things... but often all I can remember at the end of the day is the messes they made or when they didn't obey. From this day forward, I will document something positive they have done everyday. Sometimes on the blog, sometimes in their journals and other times, more importantly, talking to E and telling the kids personally. Asi sera. So let it be written, so let it be done.

Right now R is moving the rocking chair back and forth while L is hanging half way off. Fun is had by all.

Have I mentioned that S can spell her name. You may be thinking, "Who couldn't spell their name if it was 'S'?" But I was very proud and a little teary eyed when she surprised me by spelling out her name.

One last note on death. A lady in our ward went in to wake her husband up yesterday... and found him dead. Very sad. The funeral is on Monday and as RS we are in charge of the luncheon. Wish us luck!

May none of my loved ones die today.

With love,

Julie

R's Surgery

2008-04-16T11:10:00.003-06:00

R had to had some dental work done and so they put her out completely at the surgical center. It was horrible. The anesthesiologist was a very quiet thin man that hunched forward to talk and to listen. He was very soft spoken and kind. After he had explained everything then we "laid" R down on the table. She was fighting and scared, trying to cling on to me. Then they started giving her laughing gas and she wouldn't calm down. All of a sudden she went limp and they sighed like it was a relief and we were done. Then she started curling her arms and legs in weird ways... and it was freaking me out. The anesthesiologist just started pumping the gas more quickly and I was sure she was going to die or have brain damage. The other guy said, "She is still really fighting this." That is when I felt the splatters of my tears bouncing off the table. It was horrid.

She finally stopped contorting herself, and then I had to leave her. I tried to hold back the sobbing as the dentist told me he would hurry so I don't have to worry about her too long. Then I stumbled into the bathroom and had myself a good cry. When I was calm enough, I tried to call E to give him an update... but I found that I really didn't have it together yet.

Eventually they called for me about on hour later and R was just waking up.... mad as could be. I tried to hold her but she was a little psychotic about the IV. She kept yanking on the tube anytime her hands escaped. Trauma. The nurse did come back soon and took out the IV. Then R moved on to the name bands she had on her ankles. She was screaming and kicking, "Off! Off!" I tried to distract her by singing, showing her things, "Look at that curtain," didn't go over so well. Funny, but the thing that did the trick was explaining that as soon as I had some scissors I would cut them off. She calmed right down.

She was pretty clingy for the next couple of hours, but really she did great. This all happened last Wednesday. I had a hard time talking about it, so I couldn't blog it until now. I still cried remembering. It was the weird muscle movements that threw me over the edge. The only thing that is freaking me out now is the follow up calls to see if she is doing OK. The Surgical Center called twice and her dentist just called this morning. Is that normal?

Any who, everybody go brush your teeth right now. I will go brush R's teeth now as well.

Poor E

2008-04-12T20:01:00.003-06:00

My poor dear husband. He is a blessing in so many lives, but does he have a life of his own? I think I will share his day with you.

He woke up and went directly to the gym. He doesn't love the gym, only signed up so I could get the huge discount. His membership is free if he goes eight times a month. Yes, yes, it sounds like a blessing... but he really hates being the skinniest thing in the gym. Just as much as I hate being the fattest thing in the gym. Any who, he went to the gym.

Then he took care of the monsters while I went to the gym, which I have grown to love. He also spent some time online studying the make-up of a Ford Focus. There is a guy from Spanish Branch that had E look at his car. He has worked on it every weekend for the last couple of months. E will find something wrong, fix it... and then Milla will call saying that the engine light turned on AGAIN! So, Milla called a couple of times today and E spent about an hour on that car. He's going to have to take it to work and hook it up to the mega-diagnostic computer.

I also went out to lunch with a bunch of Relief Society sisters. It is called the "lunch bunch" and once a month they meet at different restaurants just for fun. Since I'm in charge of activities now I thought I'd better go at least once. So, E fed the kids lunch while I was out spending money on food for me. At least I brought him half of my dinner, right?

When I got home I wanted to go to the Dinosaur Park with all the monsters. E went with us and fun was had by all. On our way home we stopped at Smith's to buy milk. E stayed in the car while I "ran" in... but who knew they were having such a great sale! You had to buy discounted products in tens to get five dollars back... so I found four sets of ten. Took me awhile... oops. E was just as patient as could be sitting in the car.

Right before we left for the Dinosaur Park a family had come over with a car they had just purchased in the auction. As they were driving home the "Trac Off" light had come on, it over heated... and the tires stopped turning, in other words it wouldn't drive. They left it at our house and E went to check it out when we got home. It turns out that it was low on antifreeze so it over heated and the car just turned itself off. It also has some misfiring with cylinder 2 but they can still drive it. I looked out the window about 15 minutes after we had arrived home and the owner of the car was here with his son. Under pressure.

I had also complained about him not fixing our stuff. So today he fixed our computer table and the van window that wouldn't roll down. The computer table required some searching for hardware and serious screwdriver work. He had to take the van door completely apart and blah, blah, blah.

While E was fixing the van door, a little old man brought his car by. You can't say no to a little old man who had cancer but didn't die. So, off they went to buy parts and fix something, I didn't even bother to ask.

E went back to the van door but I rudely called him away to help me with the monsters and dinner. R was having a breakdown and I was getting close to one myself. He came in and took over for a few minutes and all was well. Then back to the van which now has a window that can roll down.

Later, I was calling for the visiting teaching report and a lady asked if her husband could talk to E... to ask him when he could work on his car. Poor E.

One little tidbit I forgot. His brother called to talk about NASCAR while we were driving to the Dinosaur Park. When we got there and were trying to get the kids out I snapped at him a little asking why he didn't hang up. Not very nice, eh? But maybe if you knew that the same brother called two or three times yesterday, (the last one being at 10:30 p.m.) to talk NASCAR ... maybe you could understand a little of my annoyance.

So, E is now watching NASCAR. He can maybe relax and not think for a minute. He is a good man. Service is his middle name. No, he didn't get paid for anything he did today... they were all just "could you look at my car" stops. Oh well. NASCAR will be his balm.

Ana's Visit

2008-04-04T16:10:00.005-06:00

Ana came and stayed at my house for almost four days! I was in heaven. She was so good and patient with our crazy comings and goings. I'm glad that I got to see her pregnant and so happy to be pregnant. She seems to be doing really well. I miss her more than I would miss chocolate, if I ever stopped eating chocolate. One thing I have learned is that kindred spirits are sometimes hard to find, so we should hang on to them as much as we can.

The Spanish Branch planned a surprise baby shower for Ana while she was here. It was very fun. Much laughter, loud talking, games, story telling, eating. At one point the husband of our friend Jessica walked in and Hna. Ninataype said, "Ya llego el bailarin." Which means, "The dancer has arrived." I laughed a little then looked at the husband and thought about it a little... then I couldn't stop laughing.

Those ladies really are fun to be around. It was also funny to watch Hna. Milla forcing the Branch President to speak and the Relief Society President to speak. A tender moment was when Ana was thanking everyone and said that if she was a good parent, it would be because of the examples she had seen. Then Hna. Milla told Ana that the party, the gifts, the love... Ana was only harvesting what she had sown. It was truly a love fest!

It did make me think about how I treat others. Just being a little pleasant instead of stand-offish can make such a big difference. I want to be kind to everyone, for that is right you see. So, I say to myself, remember this... kindness begins with me. Deep isn't it. I just made that up right now!

Thank you Ana!

Awareness Test

2008-03-31T17:53:00.003-06:00

This was on Alex's blog...and I loved it. So, I wanted to share it with you.

I had to watch it twice!

Easter

2008-03-31T16:31:00.008-06:00

Easter is so much fun! I have been "horning" in on Richard's family for many, many a year. There is nothing better than an Esplin Easter in Orderville. Thank you Esplins! (Alex... I don't think I've seen you for years! No fair to try and use school as an excuse.)

We traveled down on Friday... and stopped at Janett's. Jesse was kind enough to saddle up his horse and give our kids rides. Nothing but fun at Jan's, I tell you what.

The big Easter Egg-stravaganza begins with the dying of eggs. Thanks to WIC I was able to store up seven dozen eggs... but I cracked quite a few. Susan threw in three dozen boiled eggs and a dozen raw eggs and we colored them all. I love being around Sue's boys because they are so much help. Jacob, Logan and Isaac were pretty much in charge of the dying of the eggs and I felt like I could just sit back and relax. Nice... Then we must fill the too many plastic eggs with the two much candy. Susan and I always go way overboard. But, there were plenty of eggs and plenty of candy for the others who just show up at Grandma's expecting there to be candy and eggs... and there was.... and all was well. When all is ready the little kids (six or seven and younger) find the eggs down at Grandma's house. B thought he was too old for this, so he helped R find eggs... she had more eggs than she needed! The older kids go on a treasure hunt. Daniel did a great job with the treasure hunt and it is fun to watch the kids run all around. The treasure is their Easter baskets. Good times, good times.

Next comes the pot luck lunch. Yummy baked beans and salads, fresh rolls and brownies. Always scrumptious. Just when you think it is time for a nap... we hear that everyone has already left to go to the sand dunes. We load up the shovels, eggs, blow dart guns and all of the kids to head out. The ramp is elaborate and a work of art. Jumps, diverting paths, tunnels... it is all there. We had fun rolling dozen after dozen of eggs down the super speed way.

Once the eggs are all broken the egg war breaks out. Generally the war stays away form the women folk. This year it came dangerously close. I blame that on the youngest couples who still think hitting your true love with an egg shows how much you adore her. Last but not least comes the blow dart war. The participants line up from tallest to shortest, then every other one steps forward to make teams for the first round. After everyone gets shot, they play again, and again, and again. Pretty much until all of the little, little kids are crying and screaming. S wet her pants, R was crying because she couldn't get all of the sand off... It just makes it easier to go home. : ) When we got back to Susan's house we ran right to the shower. Wow, I am grateful for running water! Then we get to chat and eat leftovers all night long. Sunday they monsters were all dressed up and we went to our favorite ward in Orderville (don't tell the other ward).

Our monsters are all so very handsome. Thank you Susan. We had such a great time. I do hope the Esplins never hold a meeting to figure out how to reclaim their own family holiday. We love the Esplin Easter! When I explained the festivities to Ana, she was amazed. I would like to dedicate this tunnel to Ana. It was built by Logan and help... The eggs would spin once or twice before they went on through. It was sweet.

Reading

2008-03-29T18:36:00.002-06:00

My neighbor Bonnie told me the other day that she thinks I use reading as an escape. I have been pondering that, and I am afraid she is right. I have read at least 12 books during the month of March (see link to "Books I've Read" over on the left). Being so busy with my little monsters I am afraid that is baaad. I shouldn't be spending so much time reading. It is like an addiction... and I do want to escape, a little. It has been a long, hard winter. That is my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Any advice out there? I am trying to use the advice that DiAnn gave me, through Isaac Newton... "An object in motion stays in motion"... also true is "An object at rest stays at rest until acted upon by an outside force." So, if you are sitting on the couch it is going to take an extra amount of force to get you up and going. However, if you are busy... it is easier to stay busy. The laws of Newton help me remember to get busy, sometimes.

Humillacion

2008-03-29T17:39:00.003-06:00

In Spanish the word humillar means both to humble and to humiliate. I have had some pretty humiliating experiences lately and I have been hoping that they at least serve to make me a more humble person. I will share mine, then you must share yours... so be thinking.

The other day we were invited to a birthday party by a family with three boys. We bought a gift for the oldest boy, Lester, and went to their house for the big she-bang. I was asked to give the prayer and I blessed the food but also had to throw in what a great boy Lester was and please bless him as he grows... blah, blah, blah. As soon as I said "Amen," Lester pipes up and tells me it is not his birthday, it's Ryan's birthday. That would explain Ryan's name on the other gift I saw... and the cake. Synapses firing a little slow there?

E got home from the NASCAR races all fired up and more a Jeff Gordon fan than ever before. He purchased a #24 flag that hooks to the window and proudly hung it off of the window on his Durango. The only problem is that I drive the Durango to the gym. I didn't really notice the flag until I was on my way and it was pretty embarrassing, but it was still a little dark so I didn't think about it too much. On the way home was a different story. I could see the shadow of the flag flapping in wind, mocking me. I am sure that everyone around me noticed the NASCAR flag flying proudly, and I was ashamed.

Here is an experience that Ana had in her ward in California. She was in the hall at church on a weekday (she is the YW president don't you know) and saw the sister missionaries. She noticed that one of the sisters was new to the area and she was on crutches. Ana, the kind soul that she is said, "Oh, what happened?" Then she looked down, down, down and noticed that there was only one leg sticking out of the dress. Horrified she hears the sister missionary start into the story of how she had lost her leg because of cancer.... .... Funny? I got a kick out of it.

Citizenship

2008-03-12T16:24:00.004-06:00

He did it! HE DID IT! We have almost jumped through every hoop and filled out every form necessary for E to become a citizen. He passed his test. Hurray!

Preparing for the interview was by far the worst part. He has been studying for a couple of months at least. We also had to take in the following documents:

his green card
his ID/drivers license
his passport
my birth certificate
our marriage certificate
proof of residence and our union
birth certificates of all our children
a copy of our taxes from the last three years.

We took everything in and they only looked at the first two.

Getting ready in the morning, he decided to wear a suit. He said that if they deported him at least he would arrive in Honduras in something nice. All of these jokes about getting deported were kind of getting to me. One would like to think they wouldn't deport him, or would they. They can actually do anything they like. So it was funny, but not really.

We took the whole family and I think our kids served their purpose. The interviewer saw them and maybe he recognized how much they needed their dad.

They quizzed E on his name, my name, our children's names and he did well. Then they had him read sentences and write sentences to prove that he speaks English. Last but not least they asked him 10 questions about our history/government.

What do the stripes on the flag represent? (The first 13 states.)
Who was the first president of the United States? (George Washington.)
Who elects the President of the United States? (The electoral college.)
How many Senators are there in Congress? (100, two from each state.)
Who is the head of the Executive Branch of the U. S. Government? (The President.)
What were the original 13 states? (Virginia, Massachusetts, Maryland, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New Hampshire, North Carolina, South Carolina, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Georgia.)
Who said, "Give me liberty or give me death"? (Patrick Henry.)
What holiday was celebrated for the first time by American colonists? (Thanksgiving.)
Who is the Commander-in-Chief of the United States military? (The President.)
How many times may a Senator or Congressman be re-elected? (There is no limit.)

All of the questions he answered appropriately and the guy told him he passed. Then he had to sign a paper saying that he would go to war for the U.S. if he was called up. And that was it. When he walked out he just said, "Piece of cake." All that is left is the oath ceremony. They said they will send us a letter three weeks before the ceremony, so who knows when that will be. Not within the next three weeks at least. I think I need to throw a party when it is all done. You are all invited!

We celebrated by eating at Chuck-a-Rama and going to the zoo. We do love the zoo.

Painted Ladies

2008-03-12T13:15:00.005-06:00

The goosies got into mama's makeup. They actually impressed me with their skill. They got the lipstick on the lips, the mascara on the eyes and the eye shadow close to the eye lids.

Science!

2008-03-06T19:38:00.007-07:00

What a great day. I started off the day at the gym reading my brand new book, The Mormon Scientist by Henry J. Eyring who I believe is the son of Henry B. Eyring. I just got through the acknowledgements, the introduction, the overview and a smidgen of the first chapter. It is so amazing! I came home so happy and uplifted.

Then I took B to set up his very first science fair project. I was feeling really lame because we did it just this last week... but it looked nice and I think it was great for a Kindergartner. He won a blue ribbon in his category and a bronze medal out of the 1st and 2nd graders. He was the only one from Kinder. Weird, eh, can't figure that one out.

We, as a family, are so very proud... look at Sarah hugging him. Here is a video of B explaining his project. The volume is really low, so hopefully you can hear it.

I'm so proud my buttons are bursting, and not because of all of the Easter candy either. May I just add that I love Reeses (both Di and the peanut butter/chocolate specialists).

Another bit of great news that Ticee shared with me is that Friday Night Lights will be back! On the same happy note Ana is having her ultra-sound tomorrow. What do you think, boy or girl?

Photographer

2008-03-05T17:44:00.003-07:00

My kids are so adorable. You should have seen them Sunday, all dressed up. I found some $7 dresses on Walmart.com that are to die for. I really want to document how adorable they are, but I do not have any luck or skills in that area. I couldn't get my monsters to hold still at the same time... or to look at me. S was determined to hold up the picture she had made in Primary. R and L thought she looked cool so they held their arms out. B loves his stuffed animal so much he thinks it should be in every picture. I don't know why that tiger drives me looney. B makes little noises and tells me what the tiger says. He also rubs the tigers paws up against me. Grrrr...

Anywho, I took about thirty pictures and not one of them is great. I just want a picture of all of my monsters, in all of their glory... at the same time.

2008-03-03T16:30:00.001-07:00

Here are the answers to the citizenship test. You tell me, but I think #93 is a little manipulative... and weird.

ANSWER SHEET
1. Red, white, and blue
2. One for each state
3. There are 50 stars on our flag.
4. The stars on our flag are white.
5. There are 13 stripes on our flag.
6. The first 13 states
7. The stripes on the flag are red and white.
8. 50 states
9. Independence Day
10. Independence from Great Britain
11. We fought Great Britain in the Revolutionary War.
12. George Washington
13. George W. Bush
14. Dick Cheney
15. The Electoral College
16. The Vice President
17. The supreme law of the land
18. Amendments
19. Twenty-seven amendments
20. Executive, Judicial, and Legislative
21. Congress
22. The Senate and the House of Representatives
23. Congress
24. The citizens of the United States
25. There are 100 Senators in Congress, 2 from each state.
26. 6 years
27. The answer to this question depends on where you live.
28. There are 435 voting members in the House of Representatives.
29. For 2 years
30. The President
31. The President is elected for 4 years.
32. The Supreme Court
33. To interpret and explain the laws
34. The Constitution
35. The first 10 amendments to the Constitution
36. The answer to this question depends on the state where you reside. To learn the capital of your state, go to http://www.firstgov.gov and select the state government link.
37. The answer to this question depends on where you live. To learn the name of the Governor of your state, go to http://www.firstgov.gov and select the state government link.
38. The Speaker of the House
39. John G. Roberts, Jr.
40. Virginia, Massachusetts, Maryland, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New Hampshire, North Carolina, South Carolina, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Georgia
41. Patrick Henry
42. Germany, Italy, and Japan
43. Alaska
44. Two full terms
45. A civil rights leader
46. A candidate for President must
• be a native-born, not naturalized, citizen,
• be at least 35 years old, and
• have lived in the U.S. for at least 14 years.
47. Each state elects 2 Senators.
48. The President nominates judges for the Supreme Court.
49. There are 9 Supreme Court Justices.
50. To gain religious freedom
51. The Governor
52. The Mayor
53. Thanksgiving
54. Thomas Jefferson
55. July 4, 1776
56. That all men are created equal and have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness
57. The Star-Spangled Banner
58. Francis Scott Key
59. 18 is the minimum voting age.
60. The President
61. The Supreme Court
62. Abraham Lincoln
63. The Emancipation Proclamation freed the slaves.
64. The Cabinet advises the President.
65. George Washington
66. George Washington
67. Hawaii
68. The American Indians/Native Americans
69. The Mayflower
70. Colonies
71. Congress has the power to declare war.
72. The 15th, 19th, 24th and 26th amendments
73. The Constitution was written in 1787.
74. The Bill of Rights
75. All people living in the United States
76. The Preamble
77. Congress
78. The White House
79. Washington, DC
80. The rights of freedom of religion, of speech, of the press, of assembly, and to petition the Government
81. The President
82. November
83. January
84. There is no limit.
85. The Democratic and Republican parties
86. The President, the Cabinet, and departments under the cabinet members
87. The Bill of Rights
88. Form N-400 (Application for Naturalization)
89. A Republic
90. For countries to discuss and try to resolve world problems or to provide economic aid to many countries
91. To obtain Federal government jobs, to travel with a U.S. passport, or to petition for close relatives to come to the United States to live
92. Yes, the Constitution can be changed.
93. The right to vote
94. The President’s official home
95. The place where Congress meets
96. There are 3 branches

Utah State Legislature

2008-02-28T10:56:00.004-07:00

I have started emailing the legislature everyday. I am so upset about the immigration legislation that they are trying to pass through. Legislators keep coming on the news talking about how they just believe in the law and obeying the law... well, duh. They also say they believe in legal immigration but I would bet my entire tax return that they have no idea what is involved in legal immigration. Our experience with immigration has been horrendous! Everyone out there thinks that if someone from another country marries a US citizen, they automatically become a citizen themselves. Far from true. We have spent hours (4 hours, 3 hours, 1.5 hours... the farther along we get in the process, the less our wait has been) in that dirty waiting room in the INS offices in Salt Lake. At least now they let you have access to a bathroom. Things are really improving (sarcasm, my friends).

Immigration is so inflexible and puts so many obstacles in your way, for example, they have extreme requirements for pictures. A certain percentage of white space needs to show in the background and your face had to be at a 45% angle. You need a physical from their list of doctors that wouldn't accept our insurance. Always three years of taxes, birth certificates from the entire family, housing documents etc... and you have to take them every time. We have had to submit all of the crazy list of documents four different times. E has been fingerprinted at least five times since we have been married.

Now after over fifteen hundred dollars, eight years, interviews, documents, INS raids (at my in-laws while E was there visiting), picture taking and lots of waiting... it is now time for the citizenship test! His appointment is March 11th... we would love everyone's prayers, fasting, quizing E everytime you talk to him... anything you can do would be appreciated.

Just for fun, here are the citizenship test questions... I will post the answers later alligator, but if you can't wait the link will take you to the questions and the answers.

The following are sample U.S. History and Government
Questions that may be asked during the Naturalization Exam.

1. What are the colors of our flag?
2. What do the stars on the flag mean?
3. How many stars are there on our flag?
4. What color are the stars on our flag?
5. How many stripes are there on our flag?
6. What do the stripes on the flag represent?
7. What colors are the stripes on the flag?
8. How many states are there in the Union (the United States)?
9. What do we celebrate on the 4th of July?
10. Independence Day celebrates independence from whom?
11. What country did we fight during the Revolutionary War?
12. Who was the first president of the United States?
13. Who is the President of the United States today?
14. Who is the Vice President of the United States today?
15. Who elects the President of the United States?
16. Who becomes President if the President dies?
17. What is the Constitution?
18. What do we call changes to the Constitution?
19. How many changes, or amendments, are there to the Constitution?
20. What are the three branches of our government?
21. What is the legislative branch of our Government?
22. What makes up Congress?
23. Who makes the Federal laws in the United States?
24. Who elects Congress?
25. How many Senators are there in Congress?
26. For how long do we elect each Senator?
27. Name two Senators from your state.
28. How many voting members are in the House of Representatives?
29. For how long do we elect each member of the House of Representatives?
30. Who is the head of the Executive Branch of the U.S. Government?
31. For how long is the President elected?
32. What is the highest part of the Judiciary Branch of our Government?
33. What are the duties of the Supreme Court?
34. What is the supreme law of the United States?
35. What is the Bill of Rights?
36. What is the capital of the state you live in?
37. Who is the current Governor of the state you live in?
38. Who becomes President if both the President and Vice President die?
39. Who is Chief Justice of the Supreme Court?
40. What were the original 13 states?
41. Who said, “Give me liberty or give me death”?
42. Name some countries that were our enemies during World War II.
43. What was the 49th state added to our Union (the United States)?
44. How many full terms can a President serve?
45. Who was Martin Luther King, Jr.?
46. What are some of the requirements to be eligible to become President?
47. Why are there 100 Senators in the United States Senate?
48. Who nominates judges for the Supreme Court?
49. How many Supreme Court Justices are there?
50. Why did the Pilgrims come to America?
51. What is the executive of a state government called?
52. What is the head executive of a city government called?
53. What holiday was celebrated for the first time by American colonists?
54. Who was the main writer of the Declaration of Independence?
55. When was the Declaration of Independence adopted?
56. What are some of the basic beliefs of the Declaration of Independence?
57. What is the national anthem of the United States?
58. Who wrote The Star-Spangled Banner?
59. What is the minimum voting age in the United States?
60. Who signs bills into law?
61. What is the highest court in the United States?
62. Who was President during the Civil War?
63. What did the Emancipation Proclamation do?
64. What special group advises the President?
65. Which President is called the “Father of our Country”?
66. Which President was the first Commander-in-Chief of the U.S. Army and Navy?
67. What was the 50th state to be added to our Union (the United States)?
68. Who helped the Pilgrims in America?
69. What is the name of the ship that brought the Pilgrims to America?
70. What were the 13 original states of the United States called before they were states?
71. What group has the power to declare war?
72. Name the amendments that guarantee or address voting rights.
73. In what year was the Constitution written?
74. What are the first 10 amendments to the Constitution called?
75. Whose rights are guaranteed by the Constitution and the Bill of Rights?
76. What is the introduction to the Constitution called?
77. Who meets in the U.S. Capitol building?
78. What is the name of the President’s official home?
79. Where is the White House located?
80. Name one right or freedom guaranteed by the first amendment.
81. Who is Commander-in-Chief of the United States military?
82. In what month do we vote for the President?
83. In what month is the new President inaugurated?
84. How many times may a Senator or Congressman be re-elected?
85. What are the two major political parties in the United States today?
86. What is the executive branch of our government?
87. Where does freedom of speech come from?
88. What U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services form is used to apply for naturalized citizenship?
89. What kind of government does the United States have?
90. Name one of the purposes of the United Nations.
91. Name one benefit of being a citizen of the United States.
92. Can the Constitution be changed?
93. What is the most important right granted to United States citizens?
94. What is the White House?
95. What is the United States Capitol?
96. How many branches are there in the United States government?

As you can see, some of the questions are easy... but some are pretty challenging. They don't ask every question, but you have to know all of the information because you aren't sure what they will ask.

I think I have them all down except for the one that asks which amendments deal with voter rights. I just keep forgetting.

Anywho, the illegals who have risked their lives to get here and work here... they didn't do enter our country legally because they wouldn't be able to. They don't just give out visas (permission to enter our country) to anyone who applies. The illegals are here illegally because that is their only option. Most support their entire family from what they make here. If we tell people to just fill out the paper work and pay the hundreds/thousands of dollars to apply... they will be denied.

That is why I believe so strongly in a work permit program. And the application process for visas and citizenship needs a complete overhaul! But, back to my original point, the state can't fix those problems, they are federal problems. The state just wants to do something... but their ideas are inhumane. Part of Senate Bill 81 would make it illegal to rent a home or apartment to an illegal. We rent to murderers, rapists, drug users... but heaven forbid we rent to a good LDS family with little babies.

They also want to give police the ability to arrest someone for being illegal. Once the police have someone in custody, their immigration status can be checked. The new bill would allow police to arrest on the suspicion of illegality. They could arrest E and lock him up until I took in proof of legality. Please, he can't carry his green card. Do you know how often he looses things, if you lose it... you are out of luck. Also, the credit cards he carries get so dirty that the magnetic strip doesn't work. We can't risk ruining the green card, that I like to call the golden card, the card to rule all cards. It is beautiful and shiny with many holograms of USA-ish things... My precious, we worked so hard to get it!

Can you tell I am a little passionate about this issue? If you would like to write to the legislators let me know. It took me forever to get all 90 or so addresses into the email. But now that its done, I could just forward it to you.

God Bless the USA. We are lucky to live in such a choice land. Thank your lucky stars that you weren't born south of the border... you just might be losing your chance to go to college or drive or rent a place to live with your family. Just imagine...

Happy Birthday E

2008-02-23T13:12:00.004-07:00

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways....

He met the requirements on my list I made in YW for the kind of husband I wanted: honors his priesthood, a hard worker, honest, great father, returned missionary, ...

He loved me fat. Someday when I am super fit and thin I will still be just as grateful that he loved me when I was fat. He can see my good hidden behind all of the craziness.

He is so handsome. You should see him with his "long hair." It is really long but you can't tell because it is so curly and delicious. And I always was more partial to brown men.

He is so mellow and easy going.

He dedicates his life, his entire being to his family.

He's a great mechanic and keeps all of our vehicles clean and running smoothly.

He has been a blessing in the lives of many other people. The service he has done is note worthy.

He is funny and can make me laugh.

He has silently put up with racism and prejudice without lashing out or letting it make him bitter. That reminds me of the Savior, "y no abrio su boca," something like, " He did not open His mouth." He just keeps improving himself and working towards his goals. That is my manly man.

Happy Birthday Amor.

My Favorite Things

2008-02-23T12:15:00.003-07:00

Primary teachers and presidency who love your kids and magnify their callings. We had a primary activity today where the kids filled out little books about themselves. Then they decorated a frame that we put their picture on one side and right next to it a big heart that says "I am a child of God." It was so well organized. I really appreciated all the work they put into making the activity great.
S singing all the time, today she was making up a song about a pirate. I just caught the line, "...and the pirate died, the pirate died."
R and L playing together with their "dolly house." They take turns role playing with all of the family members and pets that live in their little house.
B's love for his "building" toys including transformers, bionicles, legos... I see it as a sign of genius. : )
Receiving two emails from missionaries I served with in Guatemala! I heard from Hna. Allred and Elder Cordero this week. What a great season of my life the mission was.
Hearing that a chocolate factory is going to open in my very own town!
The Complete Jane Austen on Masterpiece, PBS.
R's love for puppies, Diego, Woody, and especially her papa.
L's love for kitties and any princess will do.
B reading out loud to me.
L's scrawny little legs climbing up to the counter top in the bathroom to wash her hands after she goes potty.
Curly hair.
My girls all decked out in a princess gown, crowns, gloves, slippers, and jewels. Especially when I didn't have to help them!
S and B on the computer at the PBS kids site. They can do everything without my help. Technology and young minds, amazing.
My children gaining their own testimonies and learning about their divine worth. Tomorrow we will be singing as a family in sacrament meeting. I Am a Child of God in English and Spanish, then I will throw in a verse in Navajo. Yes, we are crazy... but its the church, what can you do? Just sing I guess, just sing. I am positive that our kids are cute enough to take all attention off of the talent, or lack thereof.
Watching my cats get so much joy from turning circles, counting, getting dressed by themselves, coloring, going potty, dancing ...

Happy Birthday Brigham!

2008-02-16T10:28:00.007-07:00

Our lovey lovey boy just turned six. He was so excited for his B-day that he woke up at 5 a.m.! I decorated his room with hearts and he had to come in to tell me about it. Then he saw his unwrapped gift and E told him to go ahead and open it. He woke S up to share in the joy and he had plenty of time to play with his Transformer before he went to school. He also had time to burst into tears because he couldn't transform it and give the gift back to his sleeping mother. The Transformer layed by me for a while but B came back to give it another try... all before I ever got out of bed.

B has had a big year. He learned to write his long firt name back in the beginning of his sixth year, before he turned six he also mastered his enormous last name. B started Kindergarten and learned to read! This week he read to me the following out of Night Creatures: "Some animals are awake at night, and they sleep during the day. Owls and bats are awake at night. Crocodiles, foxes, and jaguars are awake at night, too!" I am very impressed by my smarty pants.

We had a simple dinner of heart shaped sandwiches, heart shaped cheese and apple slices. On his cake we put two transformers fighting and called it good.

Friday Night Lights

2008-02-12T19:58:00.007-07:00

If you know me, you know I love Friday Night Lights. It is one of the only TV shows with a real relationship between a husband and a wife. Coach Taylor and Mrs. T are the worlds cutest couple and the greatest parents ever! I am so sad that we are losing great TV shows to reality TV. Must stop the madness!

I've no idea who has taken the time to set up this web site, more power to them. I wouldn't want my children to have made this website. However, here are my favorite things from the site Save Friday Night Lights.

My favorite troubled teen:

LIGHTS ON: Send Light Bulbs To NBC To Save Friday Night Lights
The Official Motto of the Dillon Panthers Booster Club is Keep The Lights On, and what better way to get that point across to NBC than by taking a moment to send them a light bulb as a reminder that it’s a “good idea” to keep great shows on their network. NBC-Universal is owned by General Electric anyway, so these light bulbs will also be like little bribes, putting our whole campaign in a more financial context these studio types will be able to better understand. Light bulbs are cheap, easy to come by, and if they break during shipping, the shattered glass might even seem vaguely threatening when NBC opens the package. Sort of like, “You try to take away our Panthers, and we might just cut you.” So grab a bulb, write “Lights On” on the side of it, and send it to NBC honcho Ben Silverman at:

Ben Silverman
c/o NBC Studios
3000 W. Alameda Ave.
Burbank, CA. 91523

Go to the Booster Club, sign the petition, and send FNL-related tips to info@bwe.tv. Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose.

Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose is something they yell before their games and to get pumped up. Coach Taylor is a great man and I hope that my children get great coaches as they go through sports... not crazy mad swearing coaches. I repeat, I love Friday Night Lights.

B Playing in the Snow

2008-02-12T13:50:00.001-07:00

Shopping with Little Monsters

2008-02-12T12:39:00.001-07:00

Yesterday after B's school we went to the Dollar store to look for B-day party supplies. I parked by a cart with thoughts of trapping kids inside the cart for less touching within the store. As I was unloading the van, a man came up on his bike and asked for money. He had come down for a job interview on the bus and he forgot to bring return busfare. All he needed was $0.75... As he was blah, blah, blah, I was putting L into the little seat in the front of the cart. Then the search began for money. The wallet was empty of bills, and I could only find some dimes, nickels and pennies.

Then, crash, boom, screaming and crying. I look over to see the flimsy shopping cart with L still iln the seat laying on its side with R under it. Poor little R was just laying on her back, unable to move with the weight of the cart on her. Apparently R and S had both climbed onto the same side and caused the crash. S escaped injury but R has a big bruise on her cheek and L has a huge bump/scrape on her forehead. The worst was the money guy just rode off on his bike without saying anything. I was so frustrated with him I yelled out after him, "Don't you want your money?"

When I told E the story he said, "He was white wasn't he?" (And he was.) "I don't understand how someone who was born here, they have papers, a social security number... There are many job openings out there, how can they not have any sort of job. Yet, they are very comfortable asking for money." I must admit that I see his point. I have been hit up for money at least ten times in parking lots in the last few months.

That was just the beginning of the horror. The kids were tired, whiny, begging, fighting, peeing, touching, grabbing, almost breaking and very embarrassing as we went from the Dollar Store to Zurchers to Target. I am that mother wtih all of the rotten kids in public. I know it isn't all their fault for being tired and dragged around... but....what's a girl to do?

2008-02-12T09:24:00.000-07:00

I forgot my favorite part of the piercing... her earings are titanium! I love titanium. It is such an amazing metal, one of my favorite elements. When my doctor told me that my tubaligation included titanium clamps my heart lept with joy. I am so proud to have a little Ti inside of me.

The best part is that the 14 K gold or white gold earings were $35 and the Ti earings were $16!

To Pierce or Not to Pierce

2008-02-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

I feel that I must explain our decision to open holes in our 3 year old's ears. I spent plenty of time thinking about it. E thought we would just do it when they were born. I was adamantly against it, but I didn't know why. I, myself, had to wait until I was 12 to get my ears pierced, but then I was nervous about it. We didn't have anywhere to get them pierced, really. No mall, we didn't have a beautician... It just never happened. Then Mom died and that was that. At fourteen I finally got them pierced in a mall in Provo with Donna at my side.

Why did we have to wait till we were twelve? No idea. So, when S kept saying she wanted earings, I kept telling her to wait until she was older. "Like a big mama?" Exactly, like a big mama. Then she would see girls of all ages with earings and ask me why she couldn't. I really didn't have a reason. I decided that we would get her ears pierced while I was still alive. So, we did.

I wanted to prepare her to make sure she wanted this. I pinched her ear and said it would hurt a little... "do you still want this?" She did. While she sat in the enormous chair, waiting for the piercing, she was so quiet. Two girls did the piercing so both ears could be done at the same time. I was ready for one of the big crying/screaming fits. Worried... 3, 2, 1... pierced. Silence. S just looked around, no crying, no "Ouch!" She was a little surprised, but so brave. She is still very pleased with her lovely earings.

And I am still alive.

Sarah and Mama's Saturday

2008-02-04T18:50:00.000-07:00

More - Much, Much, More SNOW!

2008-02-03T12:19:00.000-07:00

So first on Friday we woke up to about 10 inches of snow. E kindly shoveled before I left in the morning. I was amazed at his speed and snow shoveling skill. He made the mountains so compact and solid and he cleaned right to the pavement. Amazing. Saturday was a sometimes sunny day, cloudy for a while, snowed for a couple of minutes... but all in all it was a nice day. I anxiously watched the news for word on the next big storm. We were told that we would get about 4-9 inches but the worst of it would be in the central and southern part of the state. Imagine our shock when we woke up to at least a foot of snow on the driveway. E shoveled again before church and we frantically loaded up to get to church on time. I zoomed right out of the driveway and felt pretty confident... then when I had to turn at the light the van gave out on me. The tires were just spinning and the light changed from red to green to yellow and again to red before I inched my way around the corner. It was a horrifying drive to church... but we made it. They actually cancelled Sunday School and Relief Society, so after sacrament we came back home. B had fun climbing around in the snow, but the girls were too cold. It is still snowing even now. Thank goodness for our neighbors. We had three neighbors snowblowing our sidewalks while we were at church. That is so appreciated. Neighbors have been so good to us!! May they be repayed in double the kindness that they have shown us.

President Hinckley

2008-02-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

I have just spent the last little while watching tributes to President Hinckley on YouTube. It is fun to think of the people putting them together and wanting to do something to honor a prophet they love so much. I love President Hinckley for his optimism, humor, vision and like President Eyring said... his ability to make people want to do better and make them feel like they actually can be better people. I almost forgot about "Stand a Little Taller," and "Ways to Be." Lets not forget the Proclamation on the Family and The Living Christ. Wow... I want to make sure I don't forget what he taught us.

I also learned that the best place to get information about the church is the church. The following is from www.lds.org (the newsroom). You can also watch his funeral tomorrow on line... or maybe at your stake center. Technology is great.

President Thomas S. Monson:

“It was my privilege to know and love President Hinckley long before either of us was called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles or the First Presidency. Through the years I have sat next to him, have served with him and have learned from him. I am a witness to his prophetic calling.

“President Hinckley was prodigious in his work ethic and was totally dedicated to the gospel of Jesus Christ. He was a friend to one and all and a leader who inspired spirituality. His outreach on an international scale was unprecedented. He was truly a prophet for our time. Like the Master, he devoted his life to doing good, and God was surely with him. His life was a gift to the world.”

President Henry B. Eyring:

“President Hinckley had the gift to make people want to do better and to feel that they could. Last Tuesday I sat in a meeting with him as he considered and then decided matters of great importance, some about individuals and some affecting the entire Church. He was pleasant, incisive, and clearly inspired. For me, he raised the standard of what it is to be a disciple of Jesus Christ, giving all.”

The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:

“Members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles express our heartfelt love and admiration for President Gordon B. Hinckley and the singular life of service he lived. He was our prophet, our leader, our brother and our friend. We feel a deep, personal loss at his passing. He unfailingly demonstrated his devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ, whose witness he was at home and abroad.

“We will miss his wit and his wisdom, his leadership and his love. However, we cannot but rejoice in his reunion with his beloved Marjorie, with his parents and other family members who have gone before, and with the prophets of God, both ancient and modern, among whose eternal ranks he now stands. As the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles we echo the voice of the Master, ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant. … Enter into the joy of thy Lord.’ ”

I will keep striving to be a little better each day. That will be my tribute to a prophet that I love so much.

The Many Faces of Rachy

2008-01-30T15:38:00.000-07:00

Snow

2008-01-30T15:11:00.001-07:00

On Shoveling Snow

2008-01-30T14:16:00.000-07:00

Monday found me shoveling about four inches of snow. The tragedy was that I had already gone out and back for the day (see WIC), leaving car tracks in the driveway. It is so hard to shovel once the snow has been driven on or walked on. I really doubles the work. The blessing was that my neighbor bought a new snowblower and he cleaned our front sidewalk. Let's not forget that we live on a corner and I must shovel the other side as well.

Last night it snowed all night and after the gym I shoveld another six inches or more this morning. My forearms ache. I think I have discovered why I haven't thrown my back out. I throw the snow from the sidewalk up and over the fence. Instead of twisting with my back I have to do more lifting with my arms. The driveway snow must be thrown over the mountains of snow in the yard. Up, up, up... That's the secret, don't you think?

I don't know how much more of this any of us can take. I do feel for the city. The old water main broke because of the cold and old age. They are spending thousands of dollars on maintaining snow plows... parts, overtime for employees, gas, salt/sand etc. Yucky. It has been quite the year.

The Dreaded WIC!

2008-01-30T13:40:00.000-07:00

So... L and S didn't gain one pound in six months, therefore a follow up visit within two months was required. The date was set for January 28th (Happy Birthday Melissa Richmond... a friend from High School, I wish I knew where she was) and the hour was set for 9:30 a.m. A very early hour for me to have everyone ready. After getting B off to school, getting home from the gym, getting E off to work (like he needs a lot of help)... we jumped into the shower. A girl must be clean if she is to be weighed.

I forced the girls into their cute red sweaters I gave them for Christmas. For some reason they hate the sweaters... but I paid for them, they are cute and they must be worn. After much screaming, sweating (me) and many tears they were all dressed, socked and shoe-ed. Then the coats, and they must be zipped... and out to the van. Must buckle every girl in, climb into the back, don't forget Sarah. So many tinies! I was exhausted but we were going to get there on time!

Imagine my horror when I push the button on the door and it doesn't close. I have been here before. Sometimes E leaves the keys in the ignition and leaves the van on! Glancing up to see if the worst could be true, I see the keys in the ignition. The battery is dead, dead, dead.

I tried to call E but he didn't answer his phone. Every ring just got him deeper and deeper into trouble. Then I spotted a random battery just sitting in our garage. I hauled it over to the van, hooked up jumper cables and tried to fire up the van. Nothing but a wierd clicking noise. I tried calling E again but to no avail, so I went into the house to find WIC's number. Once inside I could hear E's phone ringing. Huh.

WIC didn't answer, I was on hold for at least ten minutes. When the lady did answer I was trying the van again and miraculously it started!! I was so excited I explained to the lady I would be right there... but she wanted to look up my file, see what type of appointment it was... blah, blah, blah. Then she said that I would have to reschedule because I probably couldn't get there in five minutes. I assured her I could, I was on my way. "Now you only have three minutes. That just regulations." Grrr... So, I had to reschedle for 1:30 p.m. that afternoon.

I decided to drive somewhere and charge the battery. I went to Target and found a $12 dress that is beautiful in black and white. I also bought some $1.74 shirts for R, L, and S. When they say 75% off they mean it.

At the WIC office later S had to go potty and B had to go stinkies. Annoying. Not very punishable. They called while we were in the bathroom and I went out front as quick as possible looking around for the ghost voice. Everyone was too busy to talk to me so we just stood there for about five minutes. Then I just went back and looked in every office asking them if they had called my name. Then all the cats fought over the magnet toy, just like they always do. Yelling, crying, pushing, hitting... all while the nutritionist is trying to talk to me. Fun.

Yet, I am thankful for the help. Thank you US government.

Oh, and I must add that both L and S had gained two pounds each. What? As a scientist, I feel that something is going wrong with the data collection.

2008-01-26T18:17:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong to rent "Dora Undercover" and just let the kids watch it over and over? Hmmm....

Crush

2008-01-22T13:26:00.000-07:00

I just picked up B from school. As I walked in Mikaela said, "Guess what Brigham's mom. Brigham has a crush on me."

My response was, "Does he even know what crush means?" When she nodded I asked, "Who taught him? Did you teach him what a crush is?" She just giggled.

When I later asked B if he liked Mikaela he said yes with his eyes all aglow. What the? His friend told him he should kiss her. That is going a too far. I have extracted from him a promise that he will never kiss girls, "except for you mom." Much better.

Ode to Grandpa Jack

2008-01-22T10:36:00.002-07:00

2008-01-22T10:36:00.001-07:00

Whew

2008-01-22T09:34:00.000-07:00

What a crazy last few days we have had! I feel like we were run over by a truck. It was a nice truck for the most part.

Thursday before I went to pick up DiAnn from the airport I noticed some water flooding our basement. My theory was that the washer was broken. But since I was on a very strict schedule I tried not to think much about it. It would be fine if I didn't use the washer again. So, I picked up DiAnn, we picked up Brigham and packed, we picked up Elias and headed on our way to Vernal.

The viewing for Grandpa Jack was really nice. Getting to know relatives again, being able to ask questions about Mom and Grandma Edith. Oh, and it's always nice to be able to see Dad and Donna. I also loved going to JB's with only B and other family. It was such a treat that it deserves mention in the blog.

Friday a dream came true when I got up early with Di and went to the Vernal temple. That is where Dad and many grandparents went to church, now it is a beautiful temple. The people we talked to and those who helped us were down home good people. Sometimes I forget what that is like. DiAnn also had some very nice inspiration about staying true to our covenants and shooting out tendrils that will help gather family. Instead of judging others, we can live our best and love, that is the way to help...

The funeral was nice and I am glad he got buried in Dry Fork. I have a lot of fun memories of going to Dry Fork... Friday, however, was shockingly cold. When I die, I will try to make sure and pass away when it is warmer. Not that I blame Grandpa Jack at all. I just couldn't imagine how they even found where his grave was supposed to be under all of that snow, and how they dug in the ice cold dirt. Amazing.

The dinner was fun. I really want to keep making an effort to keep family close, and make sure that our kids are friends with all of their cousins. Keep family close for generations.

So, we drove home Friday. My kids ate cold cereal for dinner... and to bed. It was nice having DiAnn. I wish all of my sisters lived next door!

Saturday I took DiAnn to the airport... but by then we knew that the sewer was backing up into our basement. I called the city and they came out to make sure their lines were clear. The smell of human feces put E over the edge. He was crazy for the next 24 hours. He borrowed a shop vac and cleaned up the grossness. I called a plumber and they told me it would be $600! to clean out the main line, but even though they didn't have payment plans they accepted credit cards. Thankfully the city guys recommended a different plumber that apologetically charged $140 because it was a Saturday. What a nice blessing. They snaked the main line and cleared the problem right up. We will never know what the mystery clog was, but hallelujah it is gone!

Lester came by and invited us to eat hamburgers at his house. So we went over and ate and watched a movie. Yanira, the wife, is making me crazy because she believes that typical American food is hamburgers and pizza... and so that is all we eat. She thinks that I cook those for dinner all of the time! Making me crazy, but I survived.

I had to make the invites for our Visiting Teaching Conference. They turned out great for midnight work... I chose the theme, "...And thus we see that by small means the Lord can bring about great things. 1 Nephi 16:29"

Sunday church... the RS Pres. asked me if all was well with the VT conference. I told her it would be great and she just needed to show up. She has been a little nervous because she hasn't been in on any of the planning and is just leaving it all to me. Imagine my surprise when she stood up and said that she had been looking in the Conference issue for something about VT and she found a talk entitled, "By Small Means." She then proceeded to read something very similar to the theme I had chosen for the conference. That is proof that the Lord is guiding us if we let Him. He inspired both of us at different times, in different places to choose the exact same thing! What a nice testimony building experience.

Sunday night it started snowing before we went to bed. Monday morning at 2:30 a.m. Elias was called into work to fix snow plows. We were being dumped on again. He worked for 11 hours straight! He could have stayed there all night, but I kept calling to tell him he needed to come home, he needed to eat, etc. Two other mechanics came in and stayed while he came home.

Last night, or rather this morning, they called him in again at 5 a.m. He is still hard at work. This snow is really wearing us down! I shoveled yesterday, at least 8 or 9 inches. What a great workout. Our driveway seems so huge in the winter and living on the corner doubles the sidewalkidge. The sad news is that another storm is coming on Thursday. We might go crazy before then.

Congrats to all for making it this far in the blog... I just wanted you to get a taste of the exhaustion here in our home. Reading this huge blog has made you a little exhausted. Matchy, matchy.

Love ya!

Fidelity

2008-01-16T15:59:00.000-07:00

Well, I got asked out this morning at the gym. When I told E that I got asked out for the first time since we've been married he said, "That's something at least."

A couple of weeks ago I was on the tread mill and this guy made eye contact, I smiled and nodded, and he came right over to the machine next to me. It made me a little nervous and I carefully ignored him. When I had 2 minutes left to go he started yelling, "Katrina! Katrina!" He was trying to get my attention. I gave him a couple of minutes of attention, trying not to be rude but making it obvious that I needed to go... and I made a quick escape.

A couple of days later, I saw him change from the eliptical to the bikes when he saw me... but I was already done. He just had time to say hello before I took off.

Today I saw him again as I was walking out. He asked if I was going to teach, if I were a teacher. Spooky... I told him I was going home to take care of my kids. After asking if I were married he said, "Wow, your husband must have a good job." Yes, yes... Then he followed up with, "When are you going to go out to lunch with me?" Duh...

He assured me that it would just be as friends and I assured him that I didn't need any friends. I have all the male companionship I need in my husband.

As I was running away, he said he would be there tomorrow. Sweet... kidding.

Thank goodness I can't go tomorrow because E has to work early so we can head out for Vernal.

I kept thinking I should let Aunt Alice (Grandpa Walker's sister) and Glade Nelson (Mom's cousin) know that Grandpa Lent had passed away. Finally last night I got up the nerve. I was prodded on by the letter I received from Aunt Alice yesterday. How was that for a sign. So, armed with my high speed internet I was able to find phone numbers (and ages oddly enough) and I gave them a call. They were both so grateful that I had called. Aunt Alice said that she is sure she wouldn't have known otherwise... Glade said that he had already heard and was looking forward to seeing us all at the funeral.

I am not sure why sometimes I fight against listening to the Spirit. I guess it is because I'm just never sure. Instead of questioning everything maybe I should just plow ahead.

Tonight I have book club with a bunch of ladies as different from me as beans are from apples. What fun.

Oh, and hurrah for Ticee! She finally broke down and became friends with Bella, Edward and Jacob (I choose Jacob!).

Cute family

2008-01-09T16:22:00.001-07:00

IT IS STILL SNOWING!

2008-01-09T15:44:00.001-07:00

SNOW!

2008-01-09T13:35:00.001-07:00

We are getting so much snow this year and right this minute. E is working on two cars right now so we don't get to park in the garage. The good thing is I will be so grateful when we get our garage back. The bad thing is we had a foot of snow on our cars this morning... Actually a little more because the snow from last week hasn't melted.

I went out and shoveled the foot of snow from our sidewalks. What a great time. Everything is so hushed and big snowflakes are falling all around. What quiet beauty. Also it is so rewarding to see the clear spaces where you have been. I love shoveling snow... until I hurt my back or something. But that hasn't happened yet. : ) The snow hasn't stopped and all of the walks and driveway are inches deep again.

My neighbor across the street was trying to get out of her driveway and got stuck. She was home alone so she got out of the car and tried to push it out into the street herself. I luckily saw her out the window and ran out to help. We budged it a little, then a hero pulled over to help push, so she could get in and drive it out.

I was worried about getting out of my driveway but I had to pick up Brigham from school. Right as I was loading my little monsters, along came Brother Wilcock in a little tractor. He cleaned my entrance to the driveway from the street, when I pulled out he cleaned our driveway. What a blessing. That is one good reason for switching to English church. : )

May you all be safe and warm...

Love,

Julie

2008-01-04T13:21:00.000-07:00

Money... Who needs it?

This morning when I got home from the gym (oh yeah, I work out...) I noticed that I didn't warm up when I came into the house. To make a long story short, the ignitor in our furnace cracked and some grumpy, uneducated guy (he wasn't too bad) came and fixed it... $130!! It took him just a few minutes, grrr... but who can ignore the situation and not fix their furnace with four littles that don't want to just bundle up in more clothes even though it is sixty degrees in the house.

He also informed me that our builder never installed a filter on the furnace. Shouldn't that be against code or something? So rude! The blower and coil will need to be pulled out and cleaned and a filter installed. "That'll run ya about $700 bucks." Nice.

Now, on to nicer thoughts. This new computer and internet service is dreamy. It is like a whole new world has been opened up for me. Love it!

New Year's Eve was so much fun. Bonnie invited us over so we went for a couple of hours. The kids had so much fun playing with toys that don't belong to them. We had fun talking to adults. Then, Presidente Carrillo called to invite us to the Spanich branches dance/party. We left Bonnie's at 9:30ish with the plan to just stop by at the church and say hello to everyone then go home and hit the sack. We ended up having so much fun at the dance that we stayed till midnight. Hispanics really do just let go and have so much more fun than gringos. It was like being with a bunch of really close friends, which they are. So easy to love them from afar. I loved not worrying about table cloths or food, clean-up or paper cups. We had a blast.

Hopefully our Slade family get together can become at least a biannual event. I must apologize to Richard for making him take care of my kids while we went to copy the circle journal pages. And thank you to Janett and Ticee for all the help with the circle journals. I know it was torture, especially for Susan, but I can't wait for the finished product!

May I also say how much I enjoyed being a rock star, playing the drums and the guitar or singing. I kept saying how much fun it was and Jaren couldn't tell if I was being sarcastic or not... because I really was quite bad at it. I can see the importance of playing video games constantly to get better and better. One of these days I will be as good as Jaren on the guitar, watch out.

I didn't take any pics of Di's family since they escaped so early from Janett's. Luckily they stopped by to sleep a couple of hours at my house before heading home. May I just say that I love feeding them. They acted like they liked it! And luckily I got some "my spaceish" photos.